Monsters of Television

As we divide our time across several television-themed blogs (approximately, Noel has cofounded or runs about 29 blogs), sometimes we don’t get a chance to properly address the issues that come up in the comments sections of the shows we review. We could but no one would read five paragraphs of comments (Nick is fairly certain people only skim his reviews as it is). So here we have a place for us to address the questions left out of the reviews or new issues that commenters have brought up.

Nick’s calling this the Negative Track for now (like those interludes between tracks on a CD that counted down and could only be found once you played through song — wait, do you remember what a CD is?) but, because the title might be a little esoteric, he’s pretty sure the Monsters will conclave to give it a better title.

This week: Ezra Fitz and the “rapist” label (from Pretty Little Liars, “I’m Your Puppet”), the real serial killer on The Following (from The Following, “Welcome Home”), and “The Farm” backdoor pilot being the bridge between The Office and Parks and Recreation (from The Office, “The Farm”). Noel will likely join next week, when he’s caught up on those other blogs. And maybe this one. GOOD GRIEF, HAS HE NOT WRITTEN A GOOD WIFE REVIEW IN WEEKS? DAMN HIM. (In his defense, the episodes have been pretty just okay.)

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“I bet that was the first time Human Target has ever trended on Twitter … those seven people were really upset about it.”

Where’s podcast 13, you ask? Well, think of it like how buildings don’t have thirteenth floors because it’s bad luck. That should distract you from the real reason: Nick got lazy and didn’t cut the last recording. When the Monsters of Television album drops, I’ll make Podcast 13 (and all the others resigned to a similar fate) the secret track for you.

Another secret track on that album? Some of the stuff that was left on the cutting room floor for this podcast. So much to talk about and so little time to do it in. FOX hacked its schedule to shreds this week, canceling just about everything, even putting House on notice for a final season. We stare down the barrel of the upfronts and tell you about what we’ll miss, what we’re looking forward to, and what we’re already cringing about. We also talk a lot of television from the past week, mostly the usual suspects. So go ahead and indulge yourself with this week’s podcast. Learn something. And try to forget about ol’ scary number thirteen.

Running time: 72 minutes

• FOX Bloodbath
  • Chicago Code: 0:00:22
  • Breaking In:0:04:33
• Chuck: 0:10:02
• Wonder Woman: 0:11:42
• Charlie’s Angels: 0:12:58
• FOX Bloodbath – Sepinwall Post: 0:15:24
• NBC PIckups: 0:17:32
• Are You There Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea: 0:18:19
• Ashton Kutcher and Two and a Half Men: 0:19:15
• S#*! My Dad Says Cancelled: 0:22:10
• ABC Pickups: 0:22:28
• Damon Wayans, Jr and Happy Endings: 0:26:11
• CW Renewals: 0:27:49
• Smallville: 0:28:15
• Ringer: 0:31:06
• Gossip Girl: 0:33:25
• Game of Thrones: 0:40:20
• The Office: 0:53:40
• Community: 0:55:41
• This Week’s Finales: 1:08:10

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“I’ll see you guys on the flippity-flop.”

I feel like they should’ve hugged it out bitch.

I waited a good long while to watch this episode of The Office. Not from any sentimentality or trying to put off the inevitable. Let me assure you, my feelings for this series very much resemble marriage in a Bronte or Austen novel: I’m only in it for duty. No, my feelings for characters subsided ages ago and I can only hope for the situations to assemble themselves to my sense of comedy. Seems like a low bar, I know (and it is), but you’d be surprised how often my expectations for a show I used to guffaw at no longer hit that shallow height.

But this episode was important and I wanted to give it my full attention, not the divided approach I give Traffic Light or Breaking In where I watch and work on non-TV-related things at the same time. Michael Scott leaving Scranton is a big deal. And with the escalation of emotional intensity up to this point in the season, I was ready for a tearjerker, even from my jaded, cynical, robot eyes.

Consider the exit of John Dorian from Scrubs. I say “exit” despite the fact that he stuck around for a few episodes in that abominable ninth season but, for intents and purposes, “My Finale” was supposed to be JD’s swan song and they went all out. The entire episode is a farewell tour of the hospital, peaking with Cox’s admission that he actually likes JD, followed by the Hallway of Guest Stars and Recurring Characters, and then, in case you were a soulless viewer and still weren’t weepy to that point, they threw in JD seeing his future projected on a screen. To that, even while watching it, I said, “Bill Lawerence, you manipulative bastard.”

Obviously, there’s a certain level of emotional manipulation allowed for these kinds of episodes, particularly when such a beloved or central character exits a series. They can go over the top and not necessarily destroy the tone of the show since it’s expected to be a bit schmaltzy. And with the way things have been going on The Office in the last few episodes, with the proposal and the reworked song from Rent, I was prepared for a doozy, hanky in hand.

Imagine my surprise.

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“Because I will Tritter tangent forever.”

After a brief hiatus (has it been two months already?), we have a brand new podcast. We talk about all kinds of stuff like the NBC Thursday Night lineup (natch), our varied interest in Game of Thrones, the return of Thirteen to House (and why she’s important even if people hate her character), and all veritable sundry of other items. It’s really pretty good. You should get on that. Also, notice how Nick hates it when anyone gets together on a show. Does he hate love? Is he a robot? Who are we to say? It’s half the fun. Enjoy our sing-song voices.

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“You’re an OG Hater.”

Mark it down, folks. 3/4 of the Monsters of Television (sorry, Matt) kick off a podcast with sports. This week saw the most watched television broadcast of all time, Super Bowl XLV. Nick muses about his (World Champion) Green Bay Packers and they all discuss pre-game, half-time, and post-game Glee, as well as a number of other shows from this week, including Being Human and the pilot for Chicago Code. Check it out. And while you listen to that, I’m going to check out Sarah Walker bellydancing again.

Also, in case you’ve never seen the Cosby Show clip Noel references during the Community segment, you really should check it out.

Topic: Place in the podcast

Running time: 71 minutes

• Super Bowl XLV 0:00:51
• Glee: 0:19:10
• Chuck: 0:29:35
• The Office: 0:33:58
• Community: 0:40:16
• The Good Wife: 0:49:39
• Being Human: 0:58:28
• Chicago Code: 1:03:02

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“Glee doing Michael Jackson is worse than Michael Jackson being a child molester.”

Even with not a whole lot going on (and down one partner in crime), the gentlemen discuss the week that was. I wish there was more I could say here but you really just have to listen to the podcast. I will say, though, that if you’re not caught up on How I Met Your Mother or Lost, you should probably get up to speed before listening or you might get — well, lost. Some items to help you with HIMYM references: The Gentleman, Slap Bet, A Gentlemen’s Agreement, Challenge Accepted. If you haven’t watched Lost — well, what are you doing here in the first place?

Topic: Place in the podcast

Running time: 64 minutes

• How I Met Your Mother (episode 0614): 0:01:22
• House: 0:07:38
• Chuck: 0:15:41
• Fairly Legal: 0:25:28
• CW Scheduling: 0:37:08
• The Office: 0:39:58
• 30 Rock: 0:45:32
• Parks & Recreation: 0:49:08
• The Rest of NBC Thursday: 0:50:11
• Downton Abbey: 0:52:31
• Showtime Programming: 0:52:38
• Cable news coverage of Egyptian unrest: 0:54:34

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

“Television would lead me to believe that Miami is the worst place in the entire world.”

And television wouldn’t lie to us, would it? This week we discuss the disappointing The Walking Dead finale (in spite of Noah Emmerich’s presence), the holiday-themed episodes we watched this past week, a little CW, a little TNT, and a lot of Dexter. So hop aboard the Polar Express, mind the pterodactyl and the Christmas Attack Zones, and let’s talk it out. Or at least let us talk it out at you.

Running Time: 75 minutes

Topics: Place in the Podcast

• The Walking Dead: 0:00:27
• Gossip Girl: 0:22:08
• Life Unexpected: 0:30:14
• Holiday Episodes
  • Community: 0:33:37
  • The Office: 0:44:03
  • Glee: 0:47:55
  • Warehouse 13: 0:52:35
• The Closer/TNT Line-Up: 0:56:32
• Dexter: 1:02:10

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“That’s really funny, Cougartown, but you’re Cougartown and I’m not going to watch you.”

As the ABC comedy block is about to start for Wednesday night on the East Coast, listen in as Matt and Nick discuss if Modern Family lives up to the hype and what the best comedy on television is for the season thus far. Matt walks a fine line as he proposes one of the most reviled shows on Monsters to be a contender.

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“That’s why they call me the Bart Simpson of Scranton.”

Do it, Dwight. Do it.

Jerry Seinfeld gave an interview to Time where he mentioned a few episodes he wished he’d done before the end, including an all-Claymation episode and an episode featuring all the secondary characters with the main character story happening in the background. It appears to me that The Office, hearing the death knell with the exit of Steve Carrel (even if BJ Novak just got a 2-year extension), is ready to go full-steam ahead on a train already barreling out of control from its roots, no regrets in the caboose. The cold open to season 7 is a lip-synched, fourth-wall-breaking (although the genre lends to fourth-wall-breaking anyway) sequence with all the people from Scranton branch involved in a choreographed single-take through the office.

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