Monsters of Television

“I would rather work at Arby’s.“

I would say I have a complicated relationship with premium cable shows, but it’s generally not that complicated: I tend not to like them. A large part of this is just the rhetoric that surrounds shows, both before they premiere and as they air episodes. The albatross of their “quality” and “risky” content tends to weigh me down as much as it weighs down some shows that seem delighted just to be able show sex as often as they please instead of necessarily crafting interesting stories and characters.

So, as is often the case, I tend to avoid premium cable programming until after it’s on DVD (sometimes well after), or if the buzz is positive enough, I’ll dive in shortly after DVD (looking at you, Homeland). In any case, with a free preview of House of Lies (available here on YouTube; apologies if blocked in your region), I figured I would give it a go if only due to lack of options on my basic TV services.

House of Lies concerns itself with a group of management consultants, with the show being headlined by Don Cheadle and Kristen Bell (both of whom I thoroughly enjoy in other projects). Their presences would have been enough to get me to acquire the episode following its official premiere on Sunday.

Their presences are not nearly enough to make me sit through another episode of this obnoxious show.

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Judge Sternwood: “Mr. Cooper, how do you find our little corner of this world?”
Agent Cooper: “Heaven, sir.”
Judge Sternwood: “Well, this week heaven includes arson, multiple homicides, and an attempt on the life of a federal agent.”
Agent Cooper: “Heaven is a large and interesting place, sir.”

Heaven on Earth. Hell is other people. Twin Peaks is doing a damn good job of being an example of both those adages.

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“I dislike being outnumbered. It makes for too much stupid in the room.”

Eugh. Just…eugh.

There’s plenty to like in the return of Sherlock, the smart puzzlebox of a BBC show. Cumberbatch and Freeman (though the latter is underutilized here, I feel) remain immensely likeable and entertaining in their respective roles, and the show’s use of graphic overlays and audio accompaniments to demonstrate Holmes’ mental processes remains top notch. The twists and turns of the plot moves along briskly and assuredly, leaving me feeling fine with the episode from a structural standpoint.

But, oh someone’s god, what the hell is this mess of Irene Adler? And the resurfacing of the Arab stereotypes (does someone have a scimitar fetish?!) right at there at the end?

I mean, putting aside the rather blatant ripoff of CSI:, updating Adler was going to be necessary, and I was eager, based on their slight tweaking of Watson and Moriarty to fit the current times (I’ve decided that Sherlock‘s Moriarty, instead of being a professor, is actually a graduate student whose dissertation has driven him to criminal activity) to see how they reconfigured Adler, one of the few people (gender qualifications be damned) to outsmart the brilliant Sherlock Holmes.

This was not, exactly, what I had in mind. Read more »

“You keep saying things to me like you hope it means something.”

I don’t have a dog or cat but I play with them often. The laser pointer thing seems too dangerous so I stick mostly with ropes and strings, leading the animals around while they snap at the toy, wagging their tails or peering at the offensive tentacle with piercing looks of the hunt. They swat, they bite, they leap up. But it’s important that they hit the thing that’s dangling. Animals that hunt also realize when the game is fixed and they need a taste of victory in order to keep going. Or else they wander away and watch Who’s Left Standing? instead. I’m just kidding. No one’s going to watch that crap.

Now that I’ve written that, I’m sure I’ve made this analogy before but I’m going to make it again: you need to give an audience a taste of the mystery so that they don’t think it’s fixed against them. It’s hard to engage with a story that is constantly being held four feet over their heads, which is just what Pretty Little Liars did to their viewers early in the summer season. But they came through in the end, gave us a pretty winning (and pretty creepy) mid-season finale. Note to everyone: dolls are always the scariest things ever when they’re the focal point of a plot. Always.

I don’t want to pontificate too much on the winter season premiere of Pretty Little Liars, which, I’m going to say, is the best show you’re not watching right now. Until you don’t watch the new season of Being Human. Let’s hit the highlights. Read more »

One of the dangers when embarking on a First Watch of a show (or film) that has been out for quite some time is that no one else thinks of it as something that can be spoiled.

I clicked on a link this past week that led to a story that sounded interesting. I was not expecting to see Twin Peaks pop up in the opening paragraph, nor to have one of its plot points discussed in detail. Though I attempted to skip past any mentions of the show, the damage was already done. In truth, the very title of the piece, combined with seeing the italicized name of the show anywhere in the article, was enough to be a spoiler.

Alas, I shall push it from my mind and take comfort in the fact that at least I don’t know the when or how or why.

Meanwhile, things are still afooting at pace in our beloved little town full of crazies.

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“Only in Cook County.”

Pardon me while I eat some crow about nothing happening in the investigation storyline until February sweeps.

Well. Half a serving. Since nothing really happened, still, but dayum, show. That’s some crazy stuff you just cooked up there (though I have minor quibbles).

On the upside, this is how I like to go out before (way too long) winter hiatus. Something that nicely raises the stakes for the characters while still giving a strong and compelling procedural element. Indeed, it had all my favorite elements of an episode of The Good Wife (except, oddly, no Eli, but I didn’t notice that until I started thinking about the episode yesterday!). Read more »

Is saying “The plot, it thickens” redundant with this show? YES, YES IT IS.

Basically, Twin Peaks is doing everything it can to juggle as many different stories as possible. For the very most part, it succeeds wonderfully. This particular episode might be considered filler, but anyone who knows this show knows better than to think that. “Coma” doesn’t do much for resolution of any established plot threads, but it does set up for some major developments in the (hopefully near) future.

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So, heh, been away for a long while. Combination of factors  over the past two months has made blogging a bit of challenge. I freely admit that it boiled down to personal issues, professional issues, writer’s block, and, really, being a burnt out on the week-to-week reviewing process. Sometimes you just run out of things to say, and it gets monotonous to write (not sure how it feels to read).  In any case, I’m back for at least this week (yes, of course, the week that lots of stuff hits winter hiatus, but there you go).

But I feel good about coming back to The Good Wife with this episode as it is one that seemingly acknowledges criticisms (“Eli feels like he’s not a part of the show now.” or “How the hell do LG win so many damn cases?” (am I right, Karen?)) while also shaking a few things up while providing us a couple of avenues for plot development.

That being said, how well does the episode do these things? While I’m overall fine with the outcome, the way the episode gets there is kind of, well, ham-fisted and wrapped in a chain of bad melodrama cliches that are are still (for the most part) effective, because that’s how good the show is.

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It’s baaaaaack!

Personal life, holidays, and forgetfulness have delayed the return, but here we find ourselves again, dear friends, discussing the journey that is Twin Peaks. I’m sure the three of you that actually read this were sorely troubled by the absence but never fear – we’re back on track.

Apparently my time away was needed, because I’m refreshed enough that the endless stream of investigation doesn’t bother me the way it had started to by the end of season one. Mind you, season one is much, much shorter than season two, so there’s no telling how long this enjoyment will last. But for now: YAY!

The Slow Boil. It’s a difficult thing to do. Go too slowly, you risk boring your audience. Mess up the timing, and plot threads are left dangling. Pull in too many threads to flesh out a stretched narrative, and the complexity of the story can lose people. The Slow Boil. It can be at turns annoying and exciting. The slower pace means you get time to really savor the build up, the gentle construction of a world and a story. But that pace can also make the story drag and leave you thinking, “C’mon, already!”

So far, the boil of Twin Peaks has had its share of both sides, though the excitement has outweighed the annoyance. The opener of season two – all 94 minutes of it – is on the excitement side.

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“Bruno’s World sounds like a good mid-season show.”

Sorry about the delay, everyone. I was just crying so much over the result of Week 9 that I couldn’t bear to recount it for you. I had to take to my bed in mournful repose. O Dancing with the Stars, you awaken the Victorian heroine in me and inspire me to use the vocative!

That was all sarcasm. Really, the result of Week 9 is completely expected. Once Nancy Grace’s deal with the devil ran out, we knew who was going to be in the final three. Why? Let’s look at the contenders. This is JR’s tournament. He’s too good to fail, even when he does fail. Ricki is in the same boat if held up to a lesser standard. The only wild cards were Shemp Kardashian and Hope Solo and Shemp’s got the votes from the celebrity machine his mother and sisters have been working for years now in concert with Ryan Seacrest oiling the gears. Could one summer of media-darlingship and a small following of guys that looked up “hot girl athletes” on Google stand up to the Kardashian Kabal? Not to diminish Hope’s talent but, at the end of the day, there were a lot of forces working against her.

But let’s take a quick spin through last week’s dances anyway. They went three times. Read more »