Monsters of Television

“Spent the rest of his long life making sure his ring was charged.”

I’m not a big Green Lantern fan. All-powerful rings, like all-powerful aliens from Krypton, mean big cosmic villains that steadily have to be one-upped to maintain stakes and threats to the heroes. On the upside for Green Lanterns, their rings run out of energy, meaning they have complete the mission in a set time frame.

But I’m not so much a non-fan that Green Lantern: The Animated Series is a non-starter for me. In fact, the episode is pretty solid, apart from the animation, which is more a matter of personal taste. The story has a nice balance of exposition, humor, adventure, and the action sequences are well-choreographed. Read more »

I’m not sure what to say about this episode.

Part of the Twin Peaks formula – a necessary evil considering its large cast – is that there is very little in the way of resolution to plot lines. Instead, we have a continual stream of intricately connected stories, each becoming the connection for another link. This can be good, because it allows for big stories to build up in their own time, but it also means little stories can get lost in the shuffle. It also means that sometimes we have to have a filler episode, where nothing important happens but many things are set up for the future.

“Drive with a Dead Girl” is most definitely filler.

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Y’all, this is a disturbing show.

Twin Peaks has never shied away from showing strange or distressing things, but this offering may top the list. It may be the remnants of my dreams last night or the steady click click click that echoes through this episode, but I found it extremely uncomfortable to watch.

The truth is that there is only one scene – cut into pieces – that can be directly labeled as graphic, but there is a sense of foreboding, of wrongness that pervades the entire episode. By the time we get to the scene, we as an audience are primed to let ourselves get carried away with any hint of skin-crawling storymaking. That what we are given is legitimately upsetting only adds to the emotion.

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I was sick this past weekend. I had a sore throat that made it difficult to swallow even saliva, let alone food. I was, paradoxically, suffering from both a stuffy and a runny nose, I had chest and head congestion, I had a fever, and by Saturday night, was pretty much unable to maintain a lucid conversation with someone over the phone. I had somewhat improved by Sunday, thanks to different over the counter medications, though the fever remained.

As is the case with some people when they’re sick, I turned to television to be my nursemaid, particularly on Saturday during the worst of it, to keep me company, to tell me that I was, very likely, not going to die as a result of teh_sick. Typically my habit is to watch stuff I have on DVD, with my normal standbys being Sports Night and Batman: The Animated Series. Both shows are comfort foods of mine, and I know the episodes by heart so that if I zone out or fall asleep, I haven’t “missed” anything.

But thanks to advances in technology since the last time I was this sick (which has easily been at least 5 years), I didn’t have to drag my sick and feeble body off the couch or out of bed to change the discs of whatever I was watching. I could just hit ‘Next episode’ on Netflix and remain curled up in blankets, cats, used tissues, and mugs of tea.  It. Was. Wonderful.

So here are thoughts about what I watched over the weekend. I watched, by the way, entirely too much stuff. Really. It’s kind of pathetic. Read more »

This week The Vampire Diaries presented one of their big showdown eps–a big huge buildup that lead to very little change of our current stasis. Dang.

Let’s review: Elena? Still torn between brothers. Stefan? Still fighting life without a soul (though there was one reveal—more about that below). Damon? Pretty much where he has been for years—was his choice a step forward or a big ol’ step back to normal? Klaus is a hybrid, Rebekah is a bitter annoying girl, Kol seems psychotic (I could get behind his version of vampire crazy), Ric has been shot, killed, maimed, beaten, or some other awful physical punishment…AGAIN.

In fact, the main character that changed (a literal change) is so minor I can’t figure out why I should care. Oh, and another minor character disappeared. So she is apparently back where she was, um, two episodes ago.

Way to move the plot forward, team TVD. (Keep reading, my review gets better, I promise)

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I didn’t get to watch this week’s episode until Saturday, which means my usual writing schedule was delayed and now I’m afraid I won’t have time to do a full review cap. So in lieu of my usual routine, here are a few thoughts about “Dangerous Liaisons.”

This episode features many a longing look at someone wearing fancy clothes. There was the intent for action (kill Matt), then there was the removal of that intention (aw, he’s so sweet and he gave me his coat and I’m a stupid Original teenager).

There was also a scene that tried to destroy Awesome Vampire Caroline’s awesomeness (She loves horses? What is she, 12?). Luckily, AVC is so awesome, she rises above even the most ridiculous and cliched plotting. To wit, she wears the dress cause she likes it, she rejects Klaus repeatedly, and she uses Klaus’ interest in her to demand he free Tyler.

Now, this whole, “Klaus fancies Caroline” thing has done nothing to make me like Klaus more.  A moony, dreamy Klaus is just as boring as the ineffective Klaus we’ve long known and wished would go away.  Just stop it, writers.  If Klaus is so evil, let’s see him be evil.  Have him manipulate Caroline into sleeping with him in exchange for Tyler’s freedom–now that would be evil.  Or have him stalk her more openly–let her use her wits and strength to defeat him.  Just make the guy evil–making him an artist does nothing to improve his rep.

Seriously.

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Most of my Sunday morning was dominated by conversation on one thing. Sure, I also talked about where to go for breakfast and whether the farmers market is worth bearing Hollywood, but it always circled back to how SNL terrorized America with the “Crab Legs” sketch.

Officially, it’s called “Patio Party” on Hulu but it’s such a general term that the horror is diluted. It’s like calling “2 Girls 1 Cup” “Bedroom Scene.” To spare you the trouble of watching the video: two excited women with big hair and a questionable relationship (roommates? lovers? hype women hired by the national crab board?) are overjoyed to feed their neighbors crab legs in their backyard until they realize there’s a misunderstanding and they have no crab legs to actually serve. So they turn out the lights. That’s it. That’s the whole thing. The more I ruminate on it, the more offended I am that this sketch made it through pitch, rehearsals, dress rehearsals, the early show audience, and then to live audience. So many chances for us to be saved. So many chances for us to be spared.

Do you think I’m being hyperbolic? Have you seen this sketch? I’m going to take you through this perfect storm of comedy abyss and show you why this abomination stole life from you, not only chronologically but maybe spiritually. The more one thinks about it, the more prone to ennui one becomes and, by God, if I’m going to spin into an existential crisis, you’re coming with me. It all starts with —

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After the high of last week, an episode that climaxed with the return of the only interesting Original, Elijah, this week’s rather convoluted episode brings us a whole bunch more Originals. Thing is, what are these Originals going to add? They haven’t done enough to develop the personalities of those we already know, so how the heck are they going to find time to make us care about the new ones?

As usual, Klaus is all bark, no bite. In one of his fits of temper, he threatened to stick his hand down Damon’s throat and rip out his innerds, yet have we ever seen Klaus actualy act on his hyperbole? Damon rips out a heart every three episodes. Heck, Elijah pulled one out last week, and he was only on screen for thirty seconds. But Klaus? Mr. Bluster keeps insisting that he’s so evil, yet I think the vampire doth protest too much. Your nudity is showing, Mr. Emperor.

There was one bit with Elijah that upped the stakes in a way that will give the rest of the season genuine tension and drive—Klaus refuses to give up Elena…ever. In fact, his plan extends to his exploitation of her children. This line in the sand—there will be no deal with Klaus that will free Elena—assures that Klaus has to die. Not that there was much fear the Salvatores would want to keep Klaus alive, but to hear him state so baldly that Elena is his must have riled the hell out of our beloved Salvatores. There were other treats in the dinner scene, as when Damon had to remind Stefan that he, like Klaus, is guilty of killing a parent, but I imagine next week’s dinner party will put this one to shame.

I also really, really, really loved the scenes with Awesome Daddy. His reminder to Caroline of what it means to be human—to experience death—underscored Elena’s own terror over Ric’s life. While Elena was crying that she couldn’t handle losing another family member, Awesome Vampire Caroline was learning that only by losing a family member can you really understand the significance of life.

And once again, Elena shows us that she’s a pretty great fantasy heroine, willing to do extraordinary things and refusing to let others dictate her limitations. Somehow Elena remains fully human without becoming a pathetic victim. And she saves the life of one of my favorite characters this week, so there’s that.

In general, this episode felt rather exposition-y.  The Salvatores were basically wasting time at the dinner party so they could buy time for the Bennett witches.  But that means the audience got stuck wasting time, too.  Interestingly, that made the human parts of the story–Elena and Awesome Vampire Caroline contemplating loss–the most interesting moments of the night.  Honestly, that’s a nice  change.  I mean, Damon–with his wit, charm, and all-around sexy appeal–can’t be allowed to steal our attention in every single episode, right?

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“The only problem is that he never fought the Jews. We’re Mossad, baby.”

Rather thankfully, this ham sandwich is better than last season’s. And while I have little quibbles, mainly with Wendy, the episode as a whole is a great success, paying off the season’s overreaching plot of the investigation into Will’s judicial conduct. I mean, any episode that ends with Will and Diane dancing together because they appear to be goddamn bullet-proof is pretty impressive, yeah?

So while I’m going to talk about the episode a bit, I’m also going to address other reviews of the episode, as “Another Ham Sandwich” has prompted a slight resurgence in the “The Good Wife is doing cable drama on broadcast!” idea that gets circulated every now and then, and annoys the hell out of me. Read more »

“Tell me our story.”

I’m not sure I prepared enough. I knew that I was going to watch the final episode of Chuck live (because, basically, the windows deal for the final season, which left episodes off Hulu, NBC.com, and the WB site) made me. But I didn’t get enough of the essentials to celebrate the end of this series. Sizzling Shrimp and (even if it wasn’t for drinking) Rombauer Chardonnay made their absence felt. I didn’t even get a fast-food sausage or a PinkBerry knock-off.

Snacking through a wake aside, the one thing I did make sure of was to watch this finale alone. Watching it live meant that I wouldn’t be able to rewind, to pause, to walk away (no DVR). I was going to have to stare at this series finale until it was over, commercial breaks being my only respite. I was subject to the whims of this show’s authors, ones that have notoriously (if inconsistently) taken advantage of me emotionally. But I was of two minds approaching the final episode of Chuck.

One was recollecting all the times this show has manipulated my inside feelings with neo-folk soundtracks, a guy debating the same things I debate since we’re of the same age, and a hopelessly romantic (if far-fetched) storyline. The other part of me couldn’t trust this show, not just because of the manipulation but also I didn’t know what to expect because the last three seasons have been so inconsistent (at times, straight up betraying). Even in the episodes leading up to the two-hour finale, I really liked the third-to-last episode but rolled my eyes at the penultimate one. It’s not like I was worried about them tying up loose ends but I was worried that the ending would be so sickly sweet that my inherent cynicism would pile up in my throat and choke any sentimentality I could feel for the show.

So I sat down to watch it, gastronomically unprepared but maybe emotionally over-prepared. After knowing this would be the last season NBC/WB could, in good conscience, support, would this series come up big in the end or did they muster up just enough disappointment to say “screw you” to me one last time? Read more »