Monsters of Television

“You’re looking very ‘To Catch a Thief’ tonight.”

“Be afraid of my fancy-pants gun!”

I was hoping for some surfing and for Neal and Peter to come out wearing President masks, but then I realized that the title isn’t “Point Break.” And that this isn’t Psych.

You know how when you’re playing with a dog, dangling a rope toy or something? You dangle it in front of him/her and the dog, depending on age and health, will be ready to hunt for it, snapping, champing at the bit (literally) to get a piece of that rope toy. But say you keep it out of reach of the dog, either in hope s/he will go to further lengths to get it or to exert your authority over the animal or both. You never get the response you want, though. Instead of trying harder to get the toy, the dog will generally get tired of the game, lose interest, feel like the s/he’s engaged in something s/he wasn’t meant to be a part of, and then promptly find a corner to lick him/herself quietly.

That’s how I feel about Kate. Her intangibility doesn’t make me want to know more about her. It makes me care not at all. And Neal didn’t help me this season to change my mind. Because he seemed to care even less. That is until the summer finale and then, suddenly, the seasonal arc is far more important than it was all season, Neal becomes the desperate man I had an inkling he might become but to no real emotional reward. In fact, the only person that really matters to me anymore is Mozzie. Poor, sweet Mozzie.

Read more »

“You should be thanking me along with Jesus for giving you another day.”

Peggy is all Charlie Brown since these two jackasses are the most important men in her life. Good grief.

God, does Peggy’s life suck.

Not only is she constantly being berated by her mentor, a man she’s saved on several occasions, a man she admires even as she watches him circle the drain, but she also has to contend with a drunker, more desperate version of a barely-lover trying to make a Peggy comeback. The only person that comes through for her a little bit in this episode is her boyfriend who she doesn’t even know if she likes. Her uncertainty is so unbalanced that she takes his planned surprise dinner with her family and turns into into a check mark on her con list, saying he doesn’t know her very well. Work is her only solace and, when it comes down to a decision between her having to choose between the shaky life she’s built outside the Time/Life Building and Don Draper’s ambivalence, she is programmed to choose the latter.

This is my favorite kind of episodes of any television series: where the A-plot is so strong/dense that everything else feeds into it like a nexus (or a black hole). Every other storyline in this episode (and there are several) only acts to service the A-plot. There is good reason for this format as everything is set-up for the final scene. And whether you like it or not, no matter what you take from Don and Peggy at the end of “The Suitcase,” the gesture is important enough to deserve an entire episode in dedication to building it up.

Just don’t go writing Mrs Peggy Draper on your notebooks anytime soon.

Read more »

“How I know is inconsequential. That I know is significant.”

Dear Zack Whedon,

Allow me to thank you for “Look to the Ant,” the most recent episode of Rubicon. While I’ve been enjoying the show from episode 1, I’ve felt a little like Will in conversations about it. I’m convinced that Rubicon is a very good show, but I’ve had trouble of really convincing people of that, in much in the same way that I’m sure Will feels he can’t convince anyone of the conspiracy he’s currently trying to solve.

While I’ve pointed to the past couple of episodes, particularly “Keep the Ends Out” and “Connect the Dots,” as signs of life in the series, as hints of why people who are in the fence should keep watching, I think I’ll start using “Look to the Ant” as the episode that tells people why Rubicon works. Read more »

“Soon there will be anarchy. And then there will be me.”

Recovering from last week’s Faerygate, True Blood reminded us of evils of non-supernatural origins. In a show featuring vampires and werewolves and (fuckin’) faeries, there are still many real and terrible demons of other kinds that people have to face.

And Sam’s are coming out of the woodwork.

After a look back at Sawyer Sam’s past last week it seems it is catching up to him in a hurry. His anger issues getting the best of him, he goes on a drunken tirade, kicking all patrons out of Merlotte’s and insulting Terry, Arlene, Tommy and Holly.

Read more »

“It’s all I have. That, and my ideas.”

Sorry everyone, but with Nick moving to Los Angeles tomorrow (perhaps to see his cancer-stricken ex-wife or have a Fellini-inspired romp with a girl), it means I get to review this week’s Mad Men. Happily, I’ve been enjoying this current season far more than I did the seasons leading up to it. The season thus far has given me exactly what I wanted: more ad agency goodness and Don Draper coming apart at the seams. But no pears yet.

However, that hot streak was doomed to die at some point, and it drank itself to death with “Waldorf Stories.” If anything, it gave me too much of what I wanted from the show, as Don’s descent in being a useless jackass is ever closer to rock bottom, and I find myself almost feeling sorry for Don.

But not as sorry as I do feel for Peggy. Read more »

“You do not get to lie to me anymore!“

Burn Notice comes to a summer close, with new episodes back in November, including the couple of extra episodes USA tacked into the show this season. But those are in November, so we have to wait a bit, I’m afraid. However, this break will give us (or at least me) time to decide about how I should be thinking about Burn Notice. As things stand right now, I find myself where I tend to myself at the halfway point of every season: not caring a lick about the show.

I suppose, at this point, I should probably get over myself and just accept the fact that Burn Notice isn’t going to alter its formula one iota. It save me from writing the same thing over and over again and probably enjoy the show more. But “Guilty as Charged” pretty much sent me over the edge on Thursday, and I have only just now recovered. Read more »

Who’d a thunk it? Fox’s Gordon Ramsay-hosted cheeseball collection of recycled reality tropes, Master Chef, is ringing more authentic than Bravo’s Top Chef. Diagnosing the trouble with Top Chef this season has been a preoccupation of mine. But now they are moving into dangerous territory—where I dislike so many of the chefs that I no longer want any of them to win. Save one. More on my horse in this race after the jump…

Read more »

“Aha! So it’s not just a guy thing.”

Pete’s planning on having a romantic, sex filled weekend with Kelly. Myka is attending her high school reunion. But a run in with an artifact (griffin bookends owned by Robert Louis Stevenson) has them switching bodies and switching lives. With the premise that Warehouse 13 has it was only a matter of time until a body switching episode showed up. The possibilities of such an episode are endlessly amusing but, while fun, “Merge with Caution” played it relatively easy.

Read more »

“I’m a faery? How fucking lame.”

My thoughts exactly, Sookie.

The faery’s out of the bag. The mystery behind “What is Sookie Stackhouse?” has been revealed and I’ve gotta say it’s pretty fucking stupid. I mean like “Who’s on the list?” and “Who’s Claire’s dad?” and every other Heroes mystery reveal stupid. A telepath with some sweet powers was enough of an explanation for me but when they started teasing there was more to Sookie than that I was pretty pumped for what the true source of her power was. All I was left thinking after this episode was “What the Puck?”.

That’s why her blood tastes so good. That’s why she has the powers that she does. That’s why everyone finds her so irresistible. Blah blah faery fuckin’ blah. I don’t know why the introduction of faeries to a show that includes vampires, werewolves, shifters, maenads, etc. upsets me so much but it does. It really does.

And it’s that terribly disappointing intro that set the tone for a somewhat meh overall episode. Even putting the faery business aside (which was very hard to do) “I Smell a Rat” sure smelled a lot worse than just a sewer dwelling rodent.

Read more »

” … because you broke your own rules.”

Speeding motorcycle.

Maybe it’s just because I watched the entire Extras series again recently but this episode kind of reminded me of a dramatic version of that episode of When the Whistle Blows when the Japanese corporate representative came into the factory. It was a bunch of white people cramming to figure out how to woo a high-powered, very traditional Japanese contingent while “the entertainment” did nothing but awkwardly offend said contingent.

Was Roger ‘aving a laugh?

Of course not. This is Mad Men afterall, where no one with a large part in the episode is allowed to smile, laugh, or enjoy themselves. For that, you have to become background (see Peggy riding a motorcycle in circles). Not only is that true of the series but it’s especially true of this episode, one the draws almost exclusively on concepts of shame and embarrassment as well as honor and loyalty. There were scenes this week that were so awkward, I was reminded heavily of a Ricky Gervais work where I constantly yell “shut up just shut up now!” at the television.

In related news, somehow, Betty has been upgraded from horrible mother to absolute fiend.

Read more »