Monsters of Television

“It has been a while since my bottom half smiled.”

I haven’t seen this much dread in critics’ reviews of a show since Whitney was telling us about marriages and sweatpants

And rightfully so. Much like the maligned Whitney, Are You There, Chelsea?, one of several female-led series this cycle to have a ridiculous name change to save our children (usually from bad words they probably already know), offered very little content for me to look forward to. In fact, it offered more fodder to fuel the flames of war. Nerdy TV war. Where using a gambit like “quality TV” will derail a conversation faster than saying “relative” to philosophy student climbing up the walls to use his degree for something.

I’ll admit upfront that I’ve never read the book or paid much attention to the life of Chelsea Handler beyond the occasional episode of Chelsea Lately and whatever vitriol Ralph Garman erupted during his tirades on Hollywood Babble-On before Kevin Smith self-promoted himself into a full network unsubscribe (if interested, I committed my thoughts on finally abandoning Kevin Smith to the interweb). So anything outside of Handler hosting a show on E! and considering the rumors of her sleeping her way onto the airwaves is news to me. Oh, and I think she dated 50 Cent.

What this means is that I come to a show presumably based on Chelsea Handler’s life relatively fresh. I know her style of comedy and I know this show can’t possibly be worse than Whitney. Ha. Right? … right? Read more »

“I like anything with bears!“

“Alienation of Affection” is good, but light. It’s cotton candy-y. Which sounds dismissive, but I really enjoy cotton candy (despite having made bags upon bags of cotton candy at a previous job (it’s not a fun experience, by the way)). But a more eloquent way to express the episode came from Carrie Raisler, a write for the AV Club. She tweeted: “#GoodWife is so committed to being just slightly off center; enough to be amusing, but not so far as to slip into [David E.] Kelley nonsense. It’s fab.”

Now, putting aside that I generally enjoy Kelley’s brand of nonsense (Harry’s Law notwithstanding), Carrie’s completely correct, and “Alienation of Affection” demonstrates this to a tee. The stakes of the episode, that Lockhart-Gardner is on the hook for $44 million dollars, is pretty absurd. There’s no way they’re going to pay that amount of money because it would crush the firm, totally change the dynamics of the show (as it slyly tries to make us think it will (but may still)), and everyone — the writers and the audience — know it’s absurd.

So instead of playing straight and with its normal steady hand of drama, the episode decides to have a little fun and treat the suit lightly. I mean, none of the characters ever seem all that worried about it, except for a last-minute tense-up about the rider. And, really, if you thought the episode was going to be played straight after seeing David Lee in full costume for a Gilbert and Sullivan production, you need to adjust your expectations.

Read more »

“I didn’t fly halfway across the world to be debriefed. That’s your job, John.”

Watching this show is to continuously realize that the series made a decision in the third season of who it wanted to be: Chuck is always going to sacrifice any real intrigue for everything saccharine and foolish. Since then the show has had its moments (Orion’s exit, for example) but, overall, I find that I spend each episode reminding myself that I have to come to terms with their decision. It favors slapstick jokes and nerd references over deep storytelling.

And I’m not saying the show is wrong in making that decision. Season 2 made promises the show could never keep (especially when short-sighted fans made themselves heard on what they think of storylines) and a series that’s more episodic with shorter arcs makes sense for syndication (although I’m not sure who’d want to pick up this series with those ratings). Just as I’ve said this to myself through every episode, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times in reviews. Sometimes you have to just let the hilarity ensue.

With the final season of Chuck about to be written in the books, taking a little air out of the Casey’s cold demeanor is the dark corner of fun the show hasn’t explored nearly as much as it could/should have. Keeping in mind what this show is trying to be, this was a pretty solid episode. Especially if this show wants to make the viewing public want to beat Chuck senseless. Read more »

Trying to remember the last episode, “Homecoming,” I had to re-read my review.  Boy, it has been a while, right?  I discovered that I kinda hated that episode. You can see my review here. Among the things I didn’t like was the way the episode promised big things but largely left our characters in exactly the same spot where they started the episode—at least emotionally. Let’s recap: Elena and Damon struggle with their sexual tension and with their disappointment that Stefan is kind of a dick now. Awesome Vampire Caroline breaks up with Not-So-Awesome-Hybrid Tyler—a scene I really liked though I hate that the breakup had to happen. More about Tyler below. Bonnie mourned her breakup with Jeremy. Katherine re-appeared and violated everything we know about her by revealing that her sort of human love for Damon and Stefan occasionally rears its ugly head (I cry foul!). Mikael was killed (a seriously premature move). And Stefan, who won his freedom from Klaus’ compulsion by thwarting Damon’s plan to kill Klaus, has stolen Klaus’ casket-housed family. Well, I guess some stuff happened—a lot of breakups. But for a number of reasons, the episode disappointed me.  Maybe it was less that nothing happened and more that a number of the things that happened forced me to think entirely differently about characters I thought I knew.  And Mikael’s premature death was just completely unacceptable.

This new episode—the midseason premiere, as the CW ridiculously called it—was less disappointing. It tried to come to terms with some deeper issues facing our fearless heroes, and Ric was back in grand form [Awesome Vampire Caroline was nowhere to be seen, though—is there some contract clause that means she and Ric can’t appear in the same episode? Maybe they could be the next super couple?]. As per usual, the central preoccupation of this episode is the love story between Stefan and Damon. Though I continue to object to the odd suggestion that Stefan thwarted Damon’s Klaus-killing plan in order to save Damon—a suggestion the show has not yet explained to my satisfaction—the idea that soulless Stefan cares not a whit about Elena but can’t help but care about his brother intrigues me.

The most exciting part of this episode, in terms of ideas and theme, is Jeremy’s story.  [I know, who would have thunk it?]  What has he lost as a bystander to his sister’s tragic love story?  How is Elena processing her responsibility for the shattered remnants of Jeremy’s life?  And what does it take to survive in a world that is constantly forcing one to confront immanent life and death situations.  You know, I don’t expect TVD to be super deep–this isn’t Lost or even Buffy.  But it has the potential in its characters and in its plotting to pause every once in a while to remind of the human costs of a supernatural life.  In those moments, this show becomes more than an adrenaline rush and romantic pleasure–it becomes compelling drama.

Read more »

“I would rather work at Arby’s.“

I would say I have a complicated relationship with premium cable shows, but it’s generally not that complicated: I tend not to like them. A large part of this is just the rhetoric that surrounds shows, both before they premiere and as they air episodes. The albatross of their “quality” and “risky” content tends to weigh me down as much as it weighs down some shows that seem delighted just to be able show sex as often as they please instead of necessarily crafting interesting stories and characters.

So, as is often the case, I tend to avoid premium cable programming until after it’s on DVD (sometimes well after), or if the buzz is positive enough, I’ll dive in shortly after DVD (looking at you, Homeland). In any case, with a free preview of House of Lies (available here on YouTube; apologies if blocked in your region), I figured I would give it a go if only due to lack of options on my basic TV services.

House of Lies concerns itself with a group of management consultants, with the show being headlined by Don Cheadle and Kristen Bell (both of whom I thoroughly enjoy in other projects). Their presences would have been enough to get me to acquire the episode following its official premiere on Sunday.

Their presences are not nearly enough to make me sit through another episode of this obnoxious show.

Read more »

“I dislike being outnumbered. It makes for too much stupid in the room.”

Eugh. Just…eugh.

There’s plenty to like in the return of Sherlock, the smart puzzlebox of a BBC show. Cumberbatch and Freeman (though the latter is underutilized here, I feel) remain immensely likeable and entertaining in their respective roles, and the show’s use of graphic overlays and audio accompaniments to demonstrate Holmes’ mental processes remains top notch. The twists and turns of the plot moves along briskly and assuredly, leaving me feeling fine with the episode from a structural standpoint.

But, oh someone’s god, what the hell is this mess of Irene Adler? And the resurfacing of the Arab stereotypes (does someone have a scimitar fetish?!) right at there at the end?

I mean, putting aside the rather blatant ripoff of CSI:, updating Adler was going to be necessary, and I was eager, based on their slight tweaking of Watson and Moriarty to fit the current times (I’ve decided that Sherlock‘s Moriarty, instead of being a professor, is actually a graduate student whose dissertation has driven him to criminal activity) to see how they reconfigured Adler, one of the few people (gender qualifications be damned) to outsmart the brilliant Sherlock Holmes.

This was not, exactly, what I had in mind. Read more »

“You keep saying things to me like you hope it means something.”

I don’t have a dog or cat but I play with them often. The laser pointer thing seems too dangerous so I stick mostly with ropes and strings, leading the animals around while they snap at the toy, wagging their tails or peering at the offensive tentacle with piercing looks of the hunt. They swat, they bite, they leap up. But it’s important that they hit the thing that’s dangling. Animals that hunt also realize when the game is fixed and they need a taste of victory in order to keep going. Or else they wander away and watch Who’s Left Standing? instead. I’m just kidding. No one’s going to watch that crap.

Now that I’ve written that, I’m sure I’ve made this analogy before but I’m going to make it again: you need to give an audience a taste of the mystery so that they don’t think it’s fixed against them. It’s hard to engage with a story that is constantly being held four feet over their heads, which is just what Pretty Little Liars did to their viewers early in the summer season. But they came through in the end, gave us a pretty winning (and pretty creepy) mid-season finale. Note to everyone: dolls are always the scariest things ever when they’re the focal point of a plot. Always.

I don’t want to pontificate too much on the winter season premiere of Pretty Little Liars, which, I’m going to say, is the best show you’re not watching right now. Until you don’t watch the new season of Being Human. Let’s hit the highlights. Read more »

“Only in Cook County.”

Pardon me while I eat some crow about nothing happening in the investigation storyline until February sweeps.

Well. Half a serving. Since nothing really happened, still, but dayum, show. That’s some crazy stuff you just cooked up there (though I have minor quibbles).

On the upside, this is how I like to go out before (way too long) winter hiatus. Something that nicely raises the stakes for the characters while still giving a strong and compelling procedural element. Indeed, it had all my favorite elements of an episode of The Good Wife (except, oddly, no Eli, but I didn’t notice that until I started thinking about the episode yesterday!). Read more »

So, heh, been away for a long while. Combination of factors  over the past two months has made blogging a bit of challenge. I freely admit that it boiled down to personal issues, professional issues, writer’s block, and, really, being a burnt out on the week-to-week reviewing process. Sometimes you just run out of things to say, and it gets monotonous to write (not sure how it feels to read).  In any case, I’m back for at least this week (yes, of course, the week that lots of stuff hits winter hiatus, but there you go).

But I feel good about coming back to The Good Wife with this episode as it is one that seemingly acknowledges criticisms (“Eli feels like he’s not a part of the show now.” or “How the hell do LG win so many damn cases?” (am I right, Karen?)) while also shaking a few things up while providing us a couple of avenues for plot development.

That being said, how well does the episode do these things? While I’m overall fine with the outcome, the way the episode gets there is kind of, well, ham-fisted and wrapped in a chain of bad melodrama cliches that are are still (for the most part) effective, because that’s how good the show is.

Read more »

“Bruno’s World sounds like a good mid-season show.”

Sorry about the delay, everyone. I was just crying so much over the result of Week 9 that I couldn’t bear to recount it for you. I had to take to my bed in mournful repose. O Dancing with the Stars, you awaken the Victorian heroine in me and inspire me to use the vocative!

That was all sarcasm. Really, the result of Week 9 is completely expected. Once Nancy Grace’s deal with the devil ran out, we knew who was going to be in the final three. Why? Let’s look at the contenders. This is JR’s tournament. He’s too good to fail, even when he does fail. Ricki is in the same boat if held up to a lesser standard. The only wild cards were Shemp Kardashian and Hope Solo and Shemp’s got the votes from the celebrity machine his mother and sisters have been working for years now in concert with Ryan Seacrest oiling the gears. Could one summer of media-darlingship and a small following of guys that looked up “hot girl athletes” on Google stand up to the Kardashian Kabal? Not to diminish Hope’s talent but, at the end of the day, there were a lot of forces working against her.

But let’s take a quick spin through last week’s dances anyway. They went three times. Read more »