Monsters of Television

Still the winner and champion--and with her debt paid in full

This episode was the Damon hour. Despite that, I actually wish there had been more Damon. Yes, I am a fan of Ian Somerhalder and can never quite get enough of his hot bod, but there is more to it than that. I wrote last week that there were certain matters related to Damon that needed to be addressed (if not resolved) this week in order for the episode to be a success for me.  The show’s success on this front was middling at best.

I’ll review those finale expectations from last week after the jump (to avoid spoilers on the homepage), but in general, I thought Damon’s story moved rather slowly. Rather than force a dying, frightened Damon to have real conversations with the various people he has hurt—among the possibilities, Awesome Vampire Caroline, Sheriff Forbes, Jeremy, and Elena (Ric will be addressed below)—the writers’ trap Damon in a cell briefly and then have him wander town aimlessly for a while. The chase element did little to add suspense since there wasn’t any particular menace (i.e. Did he kill anyone while he was out there? Not that we saw). His conversation with Ric stopped before it started because Ric didn’t want to go there. Same could be said about his conversation with Elena—wonderful how dying makes everything suddenly okay, isn’t it? These were cheats that prevented all the characters from growing through actual conflict and conversation, in favor of a less satisfying compassion.

The side stories were more action driven, with Sheriff Forbes determined to take out Damon after being yelled at by Mayor Lockwood for her failure to deal with the “vampire situation.” Yet the conversations here, too, left me wanting.

You could make the argument that I am asking The Vampire Diaries to be more than it is. This is a show about action, romance, sex, adrenaline, fun, friendship, and entertainment. I get that. I watch it for all those reasons. But I see potential for more—in the actors, in the characters, and in the plot scenarios that the writers have developed. When I ask for more, it is out of love, not out of disdain or meanness.

Also should issue a caveat to my review (which is less of a recap than usual).  This was less a season finale than a preamble to season 3.  By all rights, last week was the official season finale–it resolved to a great degree a number of plot lines (Elena’s function in the ritual, her salvation, the fate of Jenna’s character, etc).  It also featured lots of fire, a series of gruesome deaths, and several heroic actions.  Because “As I Lay Dying” introduced a series of complications that will play out in season 3, some of my criticisms are somewhat premature.  But as we have several months to ponder the episode, these questions will only grow more urgent, so a deeper consideration of them now may be appropriate.

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“If you love someone, don’t you set them free?“

I’ve found myself struggling to write something about this episode. It’s not that there’s nothing to say, there is, but part of me is just not sure how to say any of it (this could be fatigue from due to coming up on the end of the television season and what has become a very long week). The episode is decidedly sticky, and I’ve enjoyed more an actual discussion of the episode than I feel I’d enjoy writing a review.

Some of this is simply that the episode does beg for a discussion, not a monologue, about how everything plays out. One woman I follow on Twitter finds the affair, assuming she means between Peter and Kalinda  and the fall out, to be “chick lit“, and a betrayal of the show’s complex characters and stories.

I’m not entirely convinced that this is the case (I’m not sure the “chick lit” even applies here). Because as Karen noted, “For me, cheating is most painful for how it makes you look foolish: wounded pride is dangerous.” And she’s right. Alicia is very dangerous right now (just ask Jackie), but she’s also in a very dangerous place as the season moves into its last episode. Read more »

“New York is never finished, Theodore.“

This actually worked for me. Too little too late, but it worked.

But I’m nearly there, show.

If “Landmarks” does anything, it just serves as a reminder of every single frustration I’ve had with the show this season. Which, really, when I’m considering abandoning the show entirely, is not a good thing to have happen. Next week’s finale has got to be, well, awesome, really, to keep me on board.

But one good thing did come out of “Landmarks”: The poorly plotted and emotionally dead Ted and Zoey relationship is finally over.  At last.

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“Vittore la Barba, huh? Ciao, bella. Spaghetti-ah pizza. Mammamia. It’s a-me: Mario. I send-ah the arms to-ah the bad guys.”

It’s just like that movie with J-Lo and Jane Fonda but with guns, prison, and a more sensible plot.

I hate you, Chuck, with the fire of a thousand suns. And let me tell you why.

I’ve put up with a lot from you. I fell in love with the show, even sunk so low as to be a ‘shipper for Chuck and Sarah, during the first couple of seasons. Granted, I wasn’t demanding your collective heads with every obstacle you put in front of them but I swelled with happiness, pure joy, as I watched these two crazy kids non-consummate their relationship in front of bombs, doped up on truth serum, on dates, and even rolling around together in a hotel room. I suffered the slow start to Season 3 and the subsequent cornball start to Season 4, only because the exits from your seasons have made up for so many episodes that would raise my ire.

Even though I consistently dish out hearty bowls of WTF on this blog for your show every week, you had to notice that some of those bowls were filled with love and devotion. I only pick on you because I care. I only want the best for you.

Don’t blow this for me.

You’re rolling up on the end of the season, possibly the series, which means you need to go out with a bang anyhow. Season 4 has been terribly inconsistent with astronomic highs that compete with the best of your early work and some pitiful lows that almost turned me off the series entirely. Though I suppose if I could stay through “vs The Honeymooners,” really, I can battle through anything. These last few episodes have looked promising if not up to the calibre I expect, nay, demand. But this crap — I can’t cotton to this. It’s not all bad but I’ll tell you this: the bad stuff was so infuriating that I had to go out and take a walk. And it’s raining outside. And I had to get some ice cream. So, while I sit here and eat my feelings, let me tell you what upset me so.

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“If this is just because I’m a captain, too, you know you shouldn’t feel threatened. Your ship is much bigger than mine and I don’t have the cool boots or a hat even.“

While technically the third episode of the season, “The Curse of the Black Spot” feels very much like a second episode in that I wasn’t particularly crazy about it. “The End of the World” was okay, prized only for the camp of a particular scene; “Tooth and Claw” has moments; “The Shakespeare Code” is pretty horrible; “The Fires of Pompeii” is dull; and I liked elements of “The Beast Below” more than the actual execution.

Some of this is just that the opening episode of any Doctor Who series is typically very strong (as was the case this series), and the follow-up is, understandably, a bit of a way for everyone to catch their breath before moving on the next big scary-scary. And while not as horrible as “The Shakespeare Code”, “The Curse of the Black Spot” is incredibly dull. The sense of fun I think they were aiming for (“It’s the Doctor! With actual pirates!”) never really came through for me, and I kind of have to blame the premise. Read more »

“You’re lucky you’re hot and smart because — well, you’re just lucky you’re hot and smart.”

I’m so glad House is back to catching up on his stories.

Donal Logue guest-starred this week. Obviously, that means House has to be cancelled. Them’s the rules.

It’s always a pleasure (for me) to see Jimmy the Cabbie pop up wherever he can. I also can see that he wants to stretch out his dramatic wings a little bit (something you could see in Terriers, too) but I was a little disappointed Logue had a part that didn’t use his sense of comic timing. Instead, his sad-sack romantic was just a mirror for House and Thirteen to observe their own wistful existentialism, particularly Thirteen since she’s taken the mantle to prove love wrong while House just busies himself with pills.

Usually I don’t like to give away the punch of a story so early in the review but, as has been the case for much of this season, the patient stories were fairly uninteresting compared to everything else that’s going on. Not only did they give House and Thirteen something to talk about but the other ducklings had something to do this week. Except Taub. I suppose with so many spotlights someone’s going to get left in the dark. And if it’s going to be someone, it’s going to be the squatty one.

But some stuff with Foreman and Chase! That’s exciting! Isn’t it?

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“Our destiny was set the day we triggered the machine.”

Oh Bad Robot and their time paradoxes.

The grim depiction of our future in the wake of Peter activating the machine is enough to get anyone to seriously consider all possible consequences of making a decision. “If I get this kind cheese WILL THE UNIVERSE EXPLODE?” That may be a bit less dire than deciding the fate of two universes, but still. What “The Day We Died” was able to accomplish was giving us a different look at the world of Fringe. We saw where our characters would be in the future, what their lives would be like, what the world itself would be like. Most importantly: it defined the stakes. Peter had been battling with this decision for a large portion of this season. Well he made his bed and everyone in two universes had to sleep in it.

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Does anyone do the lovable prick better? Congrats, Uncle John, it's a girl.

There are a lot of sad people in Mystic Falls today. The only person who ended the day feeling satisfied and content, most likely, was Uncle John. Course, he spent most of his life being a shit, so the path from jerk to savior pretty much meant he had to do one selfless thing, you know, ever. I have never made a secret of my love for the actor portraying Uncle John. David Anders has developed a particular gift for being a lovable prick, something he exploited on both Alias and Heroes. His addition to The Vampire Diaires cast delighted me from day one, and each return of his character was met by my cheers. Seeing Uncle John fight to build a relationship with his daughter has been among the more touching developments this season. And Uncle John’s actions this week continued that trend in grand form (don’t worry, no explicit spoilers until after the jump). Uncle John became Elena’s father this week by doing the fundamental act of parenting—anyone can create a baby, but only a parent understands the sacrifice entailed in the day-to-day business of helping a child grow and thrive.

Some of you might be wondering why I have been giving so much attention to Uncle John when other characters demonstrated a similar willingness to sacrifice this week. From Jenna to Bonnie to Stefan, everyone was jumping on the bandwagon to sacrifice themselves for Elena. Heck Elena even was trying to save people, as per usual, fighting to save Jenna. The scenes between Jenna and Elena were particularly effective this week. Having been murdered and turned by Klaus, Jenna was reborn as a vampire in the episode’s earliest moments. Knowing nothing about her new life, Jenna depended on Elena to raise her as a new vampire. They both debated who let the other down more in life, but it became clear that neither woman was going to go out without a fight, hoping against hope to spare the other’s life.

People died. Honestly, it was kind of a bloodbath, complete with blood dripping into Greta’s witch’s potion. As often happens on TVD, characters surprised us and let us down. Everyone was fighting to survive this week, and the stakes have never been higher. Most shocking, it was Matt that delivered one of the night’s most honest moments. In a developing theme, TVD is finally answering for me the profound question, “why would anyone prefer to be a human when they could be a vampire?” The answer is complex, shifting for each character. As it becomes clearer, though, the tragedy that is Stefan and Damon’s afterlife becomes more poignant.

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“With their lives at stake…”

Really, Slater? Are you killing kicked off crews now?

I had been mentally preparing myself for the auditory assault I would have to endure while watching this episode. As was the case last week as well, I do not like the featured superstar from this week. Rihanna is obnoxious. Her songs are more repetitive melodic talking with way too many “Yeah”‘s and “Uh”‘s and “Na na”‘s. Sorry honey, that market was cornered by Will Smith a looooong time ago. Luckily the visual stimulation overrode the auditory.

This week’s challenge included incorporating some of Rihanna’s toughest moves into their routines. Dance Hall (Dancehall?) is her style, and they had Rihanna’s choreographer to help them blend it with their own unique techniques.

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“A king should have scars.”

I'm in this show for this relationship, and this relationship only.

So this is better. It’s still not totally engaging, but there are signs of improvement as “Lord Snow” allows the series to take a breath, slow down, and, most importantly, begin to fill in some gaps about the mythology that pervades these characters, mythology about the winter.

Not all of these breaths are worthwhile (Robert swapping first kill stories is the stand out example of this), but, on the whole, the episode held my attention far more than the previous episodes have. A big part of this is that I’ve managed to identify stories and characters I’m interested in beyond the adorably fierce Arya (seriously, how great is this character?), which was needed since one character does not an engaging show make. Read more »