Monsters of Television

“You seem different.”

Well hello there, The Good Wife. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you all the more because this fall season, so far, in case you haven’t heard, has been kind of the pits. Sure, I kind of like Revenge (it has potential) and while I’m not really keen on what many of the new comedies have been doing with their second episodes, I’m still willing to roll with them a bit longer. But nothing has really grabbed me this season so far.

But you, you my dear, you grab me.

I’m so glad you’re back. Please don’t even leave me again. Or become awful. Mainly the latter. I don’t think I could bear it. Read more »

Maybe we asked for a little too much this week. Last go-round, I was, more or less, impressed with how the minor celebrities did as they glided and swayed across the floor or popped and hairographed. More than a couple couples showed what they have. Some of those couples showed me they didn’t have it but there were no surprises to who sucked it up: Metta World Peace was awful, Nancy Grace looked like a monster, Rob Kardashian lazed his way through the dance, and Chaz Bono, despite the judges fierce support, was stiffer than — I’m not going to make a joke about his dad.

One of them had to go and everyone hates the Lakers so Metta was an easy cut. Shemp Kardashian (against Noel’s and my prediction) lasts another week with 10 other couples. And the jive and quick-step might have been a little too much for our cast of characters to learn in a week. It was rough watching. Quick hits about their dances:

Hope Solo: Dance was fine if a little uneasy but, more importantly, are you wearing hooker gloves?

Kristin Cavallari: After saying “bring it” about 90 times during the opening, is that what you brought?

David Arquette: It’s not a good sign when Len Goodman has time to devise a way to fit a Castle promo in his response — as in he’d rather be watching it. Ouch, son.

Elizabetta Canalis: Stop leaving her to dance by herself. It’s hard to watch.

Rob Kardashian: When awkwardly sliding into the next phase of a dance, try not to make a face like you are awkwardly trying to mount your partner for back end loving.

Carson Kreesley: Here’s what’s interesting about Carson: dude can’t dance but his determination and flair probably sells well to the audience so he’ll constantly be saved by a community of soccer moms and their ilk who believe everyone deserves ice cream for trying. We all know ice cream is for winners.

Ricki Lake: Clearly, the dance was made for a daintier, maybe sluttier woman. She made the most of it and, for what it’s worth, hit everything better than anyone else. But that’s like winning a race against encephalitic puppies with three legs.

Chaz Bono: You should probably whine some more. Between his actual problems and whining so much (and, least importantly, his inability to dance), you’re looking at the next person on the chopping block. You can’t cut the transgender in the first week but you can certainly cut the old-man whiner on the second.

Chynna Phillips: Biggest disappointment of the night only because she opened huge last week. Bigger story: that post-dance interview was, like, the fakest thing I’ve ever heard. Also: she might be crazy.

Nancy Grace: WHAT. A. BABY. Dance was fine. Also: there was apparently some nipple action. I’ve never been so glad I live on the West Coast with a pre-recorded feed.

JR Martinez: This kid’s going all the way to the final two. Also: what the h does a “lindy” do?

More after the results show for the Week 2 wrap-up. Some things I’m still asking:

• Are Hope and Maks boning down? It really seems like they’re boning down. Parasocial disappointment.
• Are Courtney Cox and Billy Baldwin going to come to all these things? The Scarecrow (Kardashian’s stepdad) in the audience I understand since he doesn’t do much else other than get beaten down by the crazy that is Kardashian. But the other two seem like they have other things to do.
• Do people really like the gimmicks? Because I’ve yet to see one used that actually benefits the dance and doesn’t make it look like what’s wrong with television.

Oooh, scary small talk, Klaus. Where's your cool coin trick? I miss Elijah.

At the end of this week’s The Vampire Diaries, I turned excitedly to my partner and said, “This season is going really well, don’t you think?”  It was, of course, a rhetorical question.  There is much to like about this season, including a newly empowered and ennobled Tyler, a slightly less dumb Matt, a completely missing Bonnie, and an emphasis upon Damon and Elena (I suppose there could be fans less pleased with this, but if there are, I don’t know them).

Of course, there are aspects of season 3 that I admire less, like the tendency to get super foggy with the details of the Big Bad’s master plan.  I had to suspend my disbelief repeatedly during this episode’s scenes involving Klaus.  How do I question, thee, Big Bad–let me count the ways.  First, you are supposed to super powerful, so why have Stefan do all your killing? Have you even transitioned into a werewolf since you and Stefan set off on your dastardly buddy comedy?  Second, why can Stefan run into Elena and Damon repeatedly while wandering on a Tennessee mountain but Klaus–older and more powerful–remains oblivious?  Third, am I supposed to just accept that Klaus became a hybrid during the few minutes Elena was dead, but now that she’s back alive, no more hybrids can be made?  To go deeper into this mythological disclaimer might lead to madness, so I won’t harp on this point, but let’s just say, I have to remind myself not to ask too many questions.

Instead, I’d like to marvel at how The Vampire Diaries always manages to lessen or remove my annoyance at Elena.  She was driving me bat shit crazy this entire episode, but then, in a clever reveal at the end, I suddenly found her storyline this week way more insightful and effective.  More about that, though, after the jump…

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“Make me sparkle.”

Gah, this is, like, the worst.

Not to condemn the whole show. I’m sure the history of this show contains much more heinous crimes. I just haven’t seen them. Yeah. 13 cycles and this is my first time watching it. They cast Hope Solo. What am I supposed to do?

Instead of justifying my long-standing crush on the national team keeper like some kind of women’s soccer hipster, let’s talk about the dancing. I’m no dance expert. I own Strictly Ballroom but haven’t watched it (instead I Beavis and Butthead giggle at the title). What I know of this show is mostly anecdotal, the only actual suggestion of the show to cross my eyes is whatever cut into my Lost hour. I thought it was just a stage for minor celebrities and spotlightless dancers to hop a rung on the star ladder.

And it kind of is. But, after watching the first week (four HOURS of programming), you can color me intrigued. Although it might not be so much about the dancing as it is the format. And the women in low-cut gowns don’t hurt. Oh, and the train wrecks. Read more »

“Because we know you types are all about sincerity.”

One step forward, two steps back.

“Terrors” is one of those episodes that may have been better suited as a two-parter, especially given all the character beats it would like to address but decides not to so we can have a prison break episode that wasn’t really about a  prison break. Instead, it’s a dullard of an episode with bad writing and uninspired action that leads to it feel painfully generic.

On the upside, Amanda Waller is still The Wall and not The Rail, so I guess I should be thankful for small favors.
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“Hey, Sean Penn called. He said to dial it back.“

Busy, busy, busy.

“Biology 101” is something of a reset button as the show attempts to, in fact dial itself back from the larger, more parody/homage/theme-based episodes. I’m personally okay with this as their more high-concept episodes last season were beginning to distract or were struggling to feel consequential, both at their time of airing or in hindsight. The study group got lost a little bit, as did Greendale as an environment (Did anyone really care about anthropology, or any of their other classes?!).

So I, for one, welcome a return to a more season 1 structure. And I’m glad they went ahead and got that musical number out of the way.  Read more »

“You can do this.”

If I hadn’t watched Breaking Bad before this episode, I would’ve started tonight. Because that’s how mind-numbingly boring the Emmys were this year. Luckily, Breaking Bad is just the thing to shake off boredom and wire you for the rest of the night, just before Monday, when you have to drag yourself to work after laying awake all night, staring at the ceiling and wondering how the hell things could get any worse for Walter White.

It turns out that they can get actually, maybe, get a little bit better for Walter White, as “Salud” puts things in motions to set up the last three episodes quite nicely (maybe a little too nicely), and gives him some nice time to bond with Walter, Jr., who has been seriously neglected this season in terms of writing and character.

Oh, and then there’s all the “HOLY SHIT” stuff at the end. Because, you know, we’ve missed that. Read more »

The Ripper

The Vampire Diaries’ gang is all here, and the complications are multiplying quickly. Off like a horse at the races, we are immediately back in a big ol’ pile of supernatural craziness.  There’s also some tender human-type craziness, too, which is nice.  With Stefan sort of out of the picture for a bit, I imagine Damon will get an even larger piece of the action–not complaining at all.  How the show balances Elena’s love and loyalty to Stefan with the hint of her attraction to Damon will be interesting.  Will they retread old ground?  Will they let the characters develop a deeper, if less sexually charged, relationship, unique in its own rights?  Will Damon spend this year being a better man as he tried to spend last year becoming a weaker man?  [You may recall how critical I was of the dropped ball with Damon’s character last year–see my review of the finale for more.]  There are other questions (will the Jeremy storyline be as lame as I fear? Will Awesome Vampire Caroline take over the show, as she should?), but I am guessing we’ll have a strong focus on Elena and Damon’s story, and for that reason, I’ll keep my attention there for now.

Coming in to this new season, I was most hesitant about Stefan’s story, but the final scene did much to alleviate those concerns. As noted above, I’m not quite sure what is the plan with Damon [and not sure that I’m a fan of the longer hair, but maybe it is just in that awkward stage? Guess Somerhalder was too busy flying from Africa to New York to Paris this summer to get his hair done (for reals, did you follow him on Twitter? Guy went all over the world a few times, lucky guy).] Now that I’m also aware that Somerhalder is “not yet officially” dating Nina Dobrev, I’m curious how that is influencing my viewing. I see them touch or look at each other, and I think, “gosh, they must be having fun,” when poor Elena is supposed to be in the middle of an angry/emotional/depressed (pick one) scene.

Since we jump in pretty much where we left off, let’s do a quick rundown of where everyone is at right now:

“Poor Elena,” btw, is an understatement. It is her birthday, but all she can think about is the missing Stefan. Elena is sad but more or less holding it together.

Stefan is working for Klaus, doing whatever he says, even if that means ripping the heads off poor, innocent girls. [His outfits are now all black, btw, to indicate the darkness of his soul.] Basically, the entire episodes asks the audience to look for Stefan’s humanity, as Damon and Elena have been doing for months. That is actually a pretty sharp setup because it makes me care way more about Klaus’ DIABOLICAL plan [bad guys always have plans that deserve all caps].

Damon is still hanging with Andie, taking small breaks to chase down his brother and catalogue Stefan’s list of horrific crimes. He is keeping Elena in the dark. The best part of Damon’s life (at least, in my opinion), is when he hangs with Ric. [The buddy show that will eventually spin off from TVD better star Damon and Ric (sorry, Stefan).]

Ric is not holding it together as well as Elena. He is drinking a lot, sleeping on Elena’s couch, and otherwise acting like a sad sack. But hey, his girlfriend died twice, so that is a bitter pill.

Jeremy? Also losing it. He keeps seeing ghosts, but apparently these ghosts are completely incapable of conveying a message of any sense because all Jeremy has gotten out of them in two months is, “help me.” He hasn’t told Bonnie, the one person who could maybe help him because, um, why? Unclear. Better come up with a good reason that Jeremy would keep all this to himself, TVD, otherwise you have drama for drama’s sake rather than actions motivated by realistic character psychology (for all its excesses, TVD does usually ground its action in likeable, self-aware people).

Bonnie? Watching paint peel at her dad’s place out of town [don’t worry, she keeps up with Jeremy through his “facetime” feature on whatever phone the CW is hawking this week.]

And of course, my favorites, Awesome Vampire Caroline and her hunky friend Tyler. I write “friends” because that is what they are pretending they are, to everyone (but Matt’s) amusement.

So, that’s the landscape. We have a lot of characters that have done very little all summer but keep their feelings to themselves while they go through the motions. [So much for trips to the beach and hanging at the local drive-in, I guess.]

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“Your stab at pragmatism is, well, adorable…“

So after a really long hiatus (and a slightly longer hiatus from reviewing the show because it was getting to the point where I was just consistently annoyed that writing about it kind of ruined my Friday evening a bit), Young Justice returns with probably its best episode since the pilot episodes.

“Targets” was on and off of my radar since I was always trolling about for when it would air, and then it was accidentally(?) leaked online and thus got passed around on the torrent sites, as it would, generating some buzz. I thought I had missed it when I saw it as having an air date on the show’s Wikipedia page, but was quickly informed about the episodes’s status (the air date turned out to the be day the episode has been leaked online, poking a little bit of fun at the notion of an airdate).

But now that the show back, questions arise. Apart from the fact that Cartoon Network seems to have little rhyme or reason for its scheduling habits (do they think kids don’t notice those types of things?), I wondered about the benefits of “Targets” being the first episode back after the hiatus. Certainly it has me at least vaguely interested in the show again, but I wonder if the hiatus had ended with this episode would I have spent so many months with a bad taste in my mouth, wondering why I should even bother coming back to the series. Read more »

“It’s a Braverman.”

"Hey. Do I know you?"

Our fellow Monster Karen checked out last season’s finale of Parenthood as it aired at the behest of Matt and me insisting the show is good, sometimes great, and worth everyone at least checking out. We warned of crushing emotional scenes and certain actors knocking it out of the park to the chagrin of a viewer’s tear ducts (Mae Whitman, my elbow is pointing at you). Yeah, we like the show a lot. So when she reported back to us, just before we recorded a podcast, we were both pretty excited to certainly have a new convert.

It was not to be.

She may be able to stomach Gossip Girl camp and other CW fare but jumping into Parenthood at the finale was a little too saccharine, a little too schmaltzy for her. Needless to say, Matt and I were a little disappointed. But, at the same time, understanding.

One has to approach Parenthood with the knowledge that the series is a continual setup for emotional and familial catharsis. If the Bravermans aren’t hugging it out, they’re fighting against hugging it out even though they know they will eventually embrace — embracing. The basic elements of this show (diverse cast, unscripted scenes, copious demonstrations of togetherness to the point that you’re sure none of these characters have any other friends and, if they do, they’re villains) all contribute expertly to these cathartic moments in the season. We’re led up a mountain by a Braverman sherpa and, if you’re just choppered in to meet us without seeing the journey, Base Camp 2 may seem really overdramatic.

The collapse of my mountain metaphor aside, the Parenthood season opener picks up smartly where the finale left off. Maybe with a couple of hiccups that are the seeds of major season arcs. But they’ll pull it together — right? Read more »