Monsters of Television

Oooh, scary small talk, Klaus. Where's your cool coin trick? I miss Elijah.

At the end of this week’s The Vampire Diaries, I turned excitedly to my partner and said, “This season is going really well, don’t you think?”  It was, of course, a rhetorical question.  There is much to like about this season, including a newly empowered and ennobled Tyler, a slightly less dumb Matt, a completely missing Bonnie, and an emphasis upon Damon and Elena (I suppose there could be fans less pleased with this, but if there are, I don’t know them).

Of course, there are aspects of season 3 that I admire less, like the tendency to get super foggy with the details of the Big Bad’s master plan.  I had to suspend my disbelief repeatedly during this episode’s scenes involving Klaus.  How do I question, thee, Big Bad–let me count the ways.  First, you are supposed to super powerful, so why have Stefan do all your killing? Have you even transitioned into a werewolf since you and Stefan set off on your dastardly buddy comedy?  Second, why can Stefan run into Elena and Damon repeatedly while wandering on a Tennessee mountain but Klaus–older and more powerful–remains oblivious?  Third, am I supposed to just accept that Klaus became a hybrid during the few minutes Elena was dead, but now that she’s back alive, no more hybrids can be made?  To go deeper into this mythological disclaimer might lead to madness, so I won’t harp on this point, but let’s just say, I have to remind myself not to ask too many questions.

Instead, I’d like to marvel at how The Vampire Diaries always manages to lessen or remove my annoyance at Elena.  She was driving me bat shit crazy this entire episode, but then, in a clever reveal at the end, I suddenly found her storyline this week way more insightful and effective.  More about that, though, after the jump…

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“Make me sparkle.”

Gah, this is, like, the worst.

Not to condemn the whole show. I’m sure the history of this show contains much more heinous crimes. I just haven’t seen them. Yeah. 13 cycles and this is my first time watching it. They cast Hope Solo. What am I supposed to do?

Instead of justifying my long-standing crush on the national team keeper like some kind of women’s soccer hipster, let’s talk about the dancing. I’m no dance expert. I own Strictly Ballroom but haven’t watched it (instead I Beavis and Butthead giggle at the title). What I know of this show is mostly anecdotal, the only actual suggestion of the show to cross my eyes is whatever cut into my Lost hour. I thought it was just a stage for minor celebrities and spotlightless dancers to hop a rung on the star ladder.

And it kind of is. But, after watching the first week (four HOURS of programming), you can color me intrigued. Although it might not be so much about the dancing as it is the format. And the women in low-cut gowns don’t hurt. Oh, and the train wrecks. Read more »

“Because we know you types are all about sincerity.”

One step forward, two steps back.

“Terrors” is one of those episodes that may have been better suited as a two-parter, especially given all the character beats it would like to address but decides not to so we can have a prison break episode that wasn’t really about a  prison break. Instead, it’s a dullard of an episode with bad writing and uninspired action that leads to it feel painfully generic.

On the upside, Amanda Waller is still The Wall and not The Rail, so I guess I should be thankful for small favors.
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“You can do this.”

If I hadn’t watched Breaking Bad before this episode, I would’ve started tonight. Because that’s how mind-numbingly boring the Emmys were this year. Luckily, Breaking Bad is just the thing to shake off boredom and wire you for the rest of the night, just before Monday, when you have to drag yourself to work after laying awake all night, staring at the ceiling and wondering how the hell things could get any worse for Walter White.

It turns out that they can get actually, maybe, get a little bit better for Walter White, as “Salud” puts things in motions to set up the last three episodes quite nicely (maybe a little too nicely), and gives him some nice time to bond with Walter, Jr., who has been seriously neglected this season in terms of writing and character.

Oh, and then there’s all the “HOLY SHIT” stuff at the end. Because, you know, we’ve missed that. Read more »

The Ripper

The Vampire Diaries’ gang is all here, and the complications are multiplying quickly. Off like a horse at the races, we are immediately back in a big ol’ pile of supernatural craziness.  There’s also some tender human-type craziness, too, which is nice.  With Stefan sort of out of the picture for a bit, I imagine Damon will get an even larger piece of the action–not complaining at all.  How the show balances Elena’s love and loyalty to Stefan with the hint of her attraction to Damon will be interesting.  Will they retread old ground?  Will they let the characters develop a deeper, if less sexually charged, relationship, unique in its own rights?  Will Damon spend this year being a better man as he tried to spend last year becoming a weaker man?  [You may recall how critical I was of the dropped ball with Damon’s character last year–see my review of the finale for more.]  There are other questions (will the Jeremy storyline be as lame as I fear? Will Awesome Vampire Caroline take over the show, as she should?), but I am guessing we’ll have a strong focus on Elena and Damon’s story, and for that reason, I’ll keep my attention there for now.

Coming in to this new season, I was most hesitant about Stefan’s story, but the final scene did much to alleviate those concerns. As noted above, I’m not quite sure what is the plan with Damon [and not sure that I’m a fan of the longer hair, but maybe it is just in that awkward stage? Guess Somerhalder was too busy flying from Africa to New York to Paris this summer to get his hair done (for reals, did you follow him on Twitter? Guy went all over the world a few times, lucky guy).] Now that I’m also aware that Somerhalder is “not yet officially” dating Nina Dobrev, I’m curious how that is influencing my viewing. I see them touch or look at each other, and I think, “gosh, they must be having fun,” when poor Elena is supposed to be in the middle of an angry/emotional/depressed (pick one) scene.

Since we jump in pretty much where we left off, let’s do a quick rundown of where everyone is at right now:

“Poor Elena,” btw, is an understatement. It is her birthday, but all she can think about is the missing Stefan. Elena is sad but more or less holding it together.

Stefan is working for Klaus, doing whatever he says, even if that means ripping the heads off poor, innocent girls. [His outfits are now all black, btw, to indicate the darkness of his soul.] Basically, the entire episodes asks the audience to look for Stefan’s humanity, as Damon and Elena have been doing for months. That is actually a pretty sharp setup because it makes me care way more about Klaus’ DIABOLICAL plan [bad guys always have plans that deserve all caps].

Damon is still hanging with Andie, taking small breaks to chase down his brother and catalogue Stefan’s list of horrific crimes. He is keeping Elena in the dark. The best part of Damon’s life (at least, in my opinion), is when he hangs with Ric. [The buddy show that will eventually spin off from TVD better star Damon and Ric (sorry, Stefan).]

Ric is not holding it together as well as Elena. He is drinking a lot, sleeping on Elena’s couch, and otherwise acting like a sad sack. But hey, his girlfriend died twice, so that is a bitter pill.

Jeremy? Also losing it. He keeps seeing ghosts, but apparently these ghosts are completely incapable of conveying a message of any sense because all Jeremy has gotten out of them in two months is, “help me.” He hasn’t told Bonnie, the one person who could maybe help him because, um, why? Unclear. Better come up with a good reason that Jeremy would keep all this to himself, TVD, otherwise you have drama for drama’s sake rather than actions motivated by realistic character psychology (for all its excesses, TVD does usually ground its action in likeable, self-aware people).

Bonnie? Watching paint peel at her dad’s place out of town [don’t worry, she keeps up with Jeremy through his “facetime” feature on whatever phone the CW is hawking this week.]

And of course, my favorites, Awesome Vampire Caroline and her hunky friend Tyler. I write “friends” because that is what they are pretending they are, to everyone (but Matt’s) amusement.

So, that’s the landscape. We have a lot of characters that have done very little all summer but keep their feelings to themselves while they go through the motions. [So much for trips to the beach and hanging at the local drive-in, I guess.]

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With Young Justice‘s extended hiatus, I haven’t had any superhero television to review for a while. Admittedly, I stopped writing about Young Justice because it was increasingly uninteresting (How bad was the Doctor Fate episode? And, really, boom tubes already? Sigh.), but I was watching it nonetheless.

I did not think, however, that I would miss Young Justice as much as I did while I was watching the Marvel anime series tonight. Animated at Madhouse, a terrific animation studio by the by, and with stories by Warren Ellis, you’d think that Iron Man  and Wolverine would be a bit livelier, but they’re both fairly uninspired affairs from the start. At least Wolverine a has a bit more of a pulse than Iron Man.  Read more »

“Well? Get back to work.“

I did season one of Breaking Bad a while back, and then did seasons two and three over the course of June and just a bit of July so I would be all caught up in time for premiere.

How did you all wait an entire year for this show to come back? (“Meth” was a common answer. Oddly, no one took up chemistry or dressing entirely in purple.) I mean, I only had to wait two weeks for this episode, and while I kept my now very bad addiction to suspense fed by watching the Women’s World Cup, I still found myself jonesing (seeing Walt and Jesse on every other Web site I visited this month certainly didn’t help maters). I can only imagine what people who have been watching the show for longer than I have have been going through.

But it’s here now, so we can all exhale slowly. If only so we can suck all the air back in and hold our breath again. Read more »

This week was the Nicki Minaj episode. While Nicki is generally amazing when on another artist’s track, her solo stuff is sub-par. “Super Bass” might be the only thing off of her largely lackluster discography that I really enjoy. See, you get music reviews here at Monsters of Television as well. We’re so comprehensive.

Nicki Minaj is such a unique person. Have you ever read up on her background? You should. As much as Gaga is beating us over the head showing people it’s ok to be weird and to be comfortable with who you are, Nicki does it just by unapologetically being her crazy and awesome self. This week, the crews had to incorporate aspects of Nicki’s different personalities into their dances.

The episode opened with a huge dance routine done by all of the four remaining crews: IaMmE, Street Kingdom, Phunk Phenomenon and Iconic Boyz. It was just meh, but it did make me wanna go find a DDR machine and bust out some Jane Jana. Major props if you know what the hell I’m talking about.

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Still the winner and champion--and with her debt paid in full

This episode was the Damon hour. Despite that, I actually wish there had been more Damon. Yes, I am a fan of Ian Somerhalder and can never quite get enough of his hot bod, but there is more to it than that. I wrote last week that there were certain matters related to Damon that needed to be addressed (if not resolved) this week in order for the episode to be a success for me.  The show’s success on this front was middling at best.

I’ll review those finale expectations from last week after the jump (to avoid spoilers on the homepage), but in general, I thought Damon’s story moved rather slowly. Rather than force a dying, frightened Damon to have real conversations with the various people he has hurt—among the possibilities, Awesome Vampire Caroline, Sheriff Forbes, Jeremy, and Elena (Ric will be addressed below)—the writers’ trap Damon in a cell briefly and then have him wander town aimlessly for a while. The chase element did little to add suspense since there wasn’t any particular menace (i.e. Did he kill anyone while he was out there? Not that we saw). His conversation with Ric stopped before it started because Ric didn’t want to go there. Same could be said about his conversation with Elena—wonderful how dying makes everything suddenly okay, isn’t it? These were cheats that prevented all the characters from growing through actual conflict and conversation, in favor of a less satisfying compassion.

The side stories were more action driven, with Sheriff Forbes determined to take out Damon after being yelled at by Mayor Lockwood for her failure to deal with the “vampire situation.” Yet the conversations here, too, left me wanting.

You could make the argument that I am asking The Vampire Diaries to be more than it is. This is a show about action, romance, sex, adrenaline, fun, friendship, and entertainment. I get that. I watch it for all those reasons. But I see potential for more—in the actors, in the characters, and in the plot scenarios that the writers have developed. When I ask for more, it is out of love, not out of disdain or meanness.

Also should issue a caveat to my review (which is less of a recap than usual).  This was less a season finale than a preamble to season 3.  By all rights, last week was the official season finale–it resolved to a great degree a number of plot lines (Elena’s function in the ritual, her salvation, the fate of Jenna’s character, etc).  It also featured lots of fire, a series of gruesome deaths, and several heroic actions.  Because “As I Lay Dying” introduced a series of complications that will play out in season 3, some of my criticisms are somewhat premature.  But as we have several months to ponder the episode, these questions will only grow more urgent, so a deeper consideration of them now may be appropriate.

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Finally.

I have been bumpin’ Bieber tracks all week in preparation. Not that I don’t normally do that anyway. Interesting that the Bieber episode coincides with the release of his new DVD. Not as blatant as the product placement in Transformers, but come on, MTV. I can’t hate too much though, it’s Bieber. Whoever gets “Baby” is gonna have to bring it. That’s my jam. Hoping they do deep tracks too and pull out “One Time”. Ok, let’s just get to the review.

Now that there are only 5 crews left, it all comes down to one showdown. The top 3 teams are all safe. The bottom 2 must duke it out to move on. This week, Iconic Boyz was the first safe group. And they got “Baby”! Their challenge was to incorporate basketball moves into their routine cause Bieber plays basketball in the movie. That seems like they’re grasping at straws to promote connect stuff to the movie. “Hey guys, it’s Justin Bieber. I breathe a whole lot in my movie so I want ya’ll to incorporate some breathing into your dances this week.”

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