Monsters of Television

“Make me sparkle.”

A show that compliments Rob Kardashian and Nancy Gross for their lazy and just plain gross attempts at dance is what’s wrong with America.

Not to condemn the whole show. I’m sure the history of this show contains much more heinous crimes. I just haven’t seen them. Yeah. 13 cycles and this is my first time watching it. They cast Hope Solo. What am I supposed to do?

Instead of justifying my long-standing crush on the national team keeper like some kind of women’s soccer hipster, let’s talk about the dancing. I’m no dance expert. I own Strictly Ballroom but haven’t watched it (instead I Beavis and Butthead giggle at the title). What I know of this show is mostly anecdotal, the only actual suggestion of the show to cross my eyes is whatever cut into my Lost hour. I thought it was just a stage for minor celebrities and spotlightless dancers to hop a rung on the star ladder.

And it kind of is. But, after watching the first week (four HOURS of programming), you can color me intrigued. Although it might not be so much about the dancing as it is the format. And the women in low-cut gowns don’t hurt. Oh, and the train wrecks. Read more »

“It’s a Braverman.”

Our fellow Monster Karen checked out last season’s finale of Parenthood as it aired at the behest of Matt and me insisting the show is good, sometimes great, and worth everyone at least checking out. We warned of crushing emotional scenes and certain actors knocking it out of the park to the chagrin of a viewer’s tear ducts (Mae Whitman, my elbow is pointing at you). Yeah, we like the show a lot. So when she reported back to us, just before we recorded a podcast, we were both pretty excited to certainly have a new convert.

It was not to be.

She may be able to stomach Gossip Girl camp and other CW fare but jumping into Parenthood at the finale was a little too saccharine, a little too schmaltzy for her. Needless to say, Matt and I were a little disappointed. But, at the same time, understanding.

One has to approach Parenthood with the knowledge that the series is a continual setup for emotional and familial catharsis. If the Bravermans aren’t hugging it out, they’re fighting against hugging it out even though they know they will eventually embrace — embracing. The basic elements of this show (diverse cast, unscripted scenes, copious demonstrations of togetherness to the point that you’re sure none of these characters have any other friends and, if they do, they’re villains) all contribute expertly to these cathartic moments in the season. We’re led up a mountain by a Braverman sherpa and, if you’re just choppered in to meet us without seeing the journey, Base Camp 2 may seem really overdramatic.

The collapse of my mountain metaphor aside, the Parenthood season opener picks up smartly where the finale left off. Maybe with a couple of hiccups that are the seeds of major season arcs. But they’ll pull it together — right? Read more »

“We’re both dead men anyway.”

Marie and Walt Jr. are like the Rose and Bernard of this show. Hear me out.

I don’t mean that they are romantically or cosmically tied to each other (although that would be far more interesting than Junior’s banal teenage angst or Marie’s off-again/on-again kleptomania). I mean that this is a show of cliques within cliques, inner circles overlapping together like an Olympic-level Venn diagram and there are only two people on this show that aren’t included in any of it. Well, the baby, too, but even she’s been accessory to some of Skyler’s research and criminal missions.

No, Marie and Junior are left out of everything, to the demise of any hope that their characters might get interesting in the near future. And, sadly, it seems like the only way to jump-start either of them is to (a) put them on a path that eventually collides with the secret-secrets of the other characters or (b) outright let them in on the secret-secrets so that they can become pawns/hostages/threats to the secret-secrecy. Either way, you’re running into a Chuck/White Collar situation where every loved one in the general vicinity of the main characters is pulled into the capers and, therefore, the danger.

Interestingly, that would make more sense in the world of Breaking Bad than it would be for those other shows since Walter doesn’t have a double-life (anyone dangerous in his life knows all of his business — he hides nothing) and family target practice seems likely if not inevitable sometimes.

All I’m saying is that, if we see that Marie and Junior end up selling Navajo fry bread at Four Corners, telling us they want to stay and live out their remaining years in peace, don’t be horribly surprised.

Now, let’s get to the fight. Read more »

“Chalk it up to clean livin’ and vitamin pills.

Well, welcome to the party, Hank.

So often in fictional narrative media, we’re forced to suspend our disbelief when characters can’t see what we assume they should be able to see. Whether it’s the detective that ignores the clue we see buried in the box or tank-topped, cheerleader-shorted sophomore deigning to walk down the dank basement steps, we’re constantly forced to assume a human being in that storyworld doesn’t think critically like we do. It’s an eye-rolling affair sometimes but one we accept. Usually it’s a crutch for the storywriter: if it’s remotely plausible that a detail can be skipped due to human error or blissful naivete, then it’s less work for the author. Or maybe it’s just that years of cultural consumption have taught us that the dude’s behind the door! Run, girlfriend!

There are at least two times in this episode of Breaking Bad where the there are opportunities for a detail to be skipped or a monologue to continue that would at least continue a story arc into a natural conclusion for the week. But, instead, we get real revelations from people breaking that media perception of just allowing things to happen and not bringing critical thinking in until the penultimate act.

The best part is: it’s for our benefit. Read more »

“Someone has to protect this family from the man who protects this family.”

The contrast between a “normal” episode, filler, and a breather boils down to the WTF moment within the last five minutes. Last week, even if the episode itself was pretty low-key, it had Hank putting some pieces together that makes him one step closer to realizing who Heisenberg really is. Well, kind of. Baby steps.

There really wasn’t breath-taking intensity, though, unless you count the cringing anxiety I suffered watching the dinner scene. So you wouldn’t expect a breather episode to follow. And, yet, here we are. Fleshing characters out and not really pressing the story forward.

While there were some interesting scenes, for a series that can probably count its filler episodes on one hand, it’s almost disappointing when one comes around. This is especially true when the filler episode comes on the tail of a week with so much momentum. The ball started to roll and this episode totally forgets about the ball. Instead, we focus on stuff we kind of already know and (probably, hopefully) set the table for oncoming, rapid-fire WTFs. Probably preceded by an OMG and followed by a BBQ. Because barbecue is delicious. And so is Navajo fried bread. Read more »

Far be it from me to initiate some sort of backlash against Louie at all, but the show has been receiving a lot of press lately, both public and private. Everything from academic television blogs to GQ have been weighing in on the show. My Twitter feed has been populated with takes on the second season in what feels like a monsoon torrent of 140 character comments. Even my relatively small smattering of friends on Google+ adds its two cents worth, posting clips and qualifying the show with pleading recommendations and tallied +1 button taps. The consensus: it’s pretty good.

My saying that “it’s pretty good” is probably funny to you because the praise for the show has become so hyperbolic any adjective not ending in “est” doesn’t play anymore. The greatest show on television. The funniest show on television. Landmark. Important. Sit-com of a generation (although usually those reviews disclaim by saying it’s not a sit-com because it’s SO original and SO genre-bending that it defies the “situational comedy” misnomer).

I’m not here to tell you not to feel your feelings. You have investment in this program and I respect that, applaud it even. All of television is art (no matter who may tell you otherwise) and is, therefore, subjective. I love Gilmore Girls. Some people think that show is either (a) too verbose, (b) too saccharine, and/or (c) for bitches. That last one is a quote. So no one can tell you whether or not you can like, love, or honor a show. I like Louie. I really do.

But you guys have to cool it. You’re going to ruin it for everyone. Read more »

“Jerry would never let you get that far.”

What a bunch of crap led up to this episode. White Collar needs to stop doing favors for their actor friends.

Letting Tiffani Thiessen’s husband be the villain-of-the-week a couple episodes ago pushed the show off the very thin tightrope they walk every week above Campy and made it come off as a monster-hybrid short of a Syfy original. And Eliza Dushku last week, bless her heart, those pouty lips, and her perky — well, everything, but, when miscast, she has the delivery of day player given her first speaking role (I honestly cringed when she quoted The Book of the Dead). Unfortunate timing for her to be in scenes where they reintroduce the closest thing to a big bad White Collar has had since Fowler.

Yeah, the lead up to the summer finale wasn’t stellar. But they have to give us something and the White Collar Writer’s Room kept demanding via Twitter for East Coast not to ruin the episode for the West Coast. So I assumed that something good had to happen, that the art treasure storyline was going to finally come to a head.

I need to stop listening to Twitter. Read more »

“Maybe lying doesn’t come as easily to me as it does to you.”

Well, enough of these supporting character shenanigans. Skyler, Marie — get back in the cage with Walt, Jr.

There just isn’t enough room for the family characters when the spotlight shines on Jesse and Walt. And now that Mike and Hank jockey for a part of the glow, too, this sausage fest just doesn’t have room for developing these supporting roles. In most shows I would be a little disappointed to see the female characters take a back seat but I don’t think it’s gender-specific. There’s a reason why Bob Odenkirk is the most famous person in this cast that isn’t Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul.

As an actor, you’re not going to get a better story than them. You’re not going to play the part better than them. You’re going to take a back seat. These characters standing in the wings: their slight is not gender-specific. Their leads are just larger than life.

And now some (really long) bullet points: Read more »

“It’s for defense. Defense.”

Most shows have what we in the television-snark game call a “breather” episode after a showing like Breaking Bad had last week. What Jesse ending up actually doing (I didn’t believe it until I saw the body), what Gus did in response, what showed us a normally unflappable Mike can, well, be flapped — I think we might all need an extra week to process.

But Breaking Bad is different. They don’t have typical “breather” episodes per se. This is a show dedicated to not getting too out of hand with its fantastical premise. With how far Walt and Jesse have come in the past three seasons and change, the show could easily spin out of control. So, instead, after action-heavy episodes, we get a week to see the characters try to swallow their PTSD (let’s face it: action on this this is horrifyingly traumatic) and struggle back to a stasis. Folks on this show are constantly trying to unsee what they’ve seen/done and we get to watch them suffer the consequences of their world.

So, you see, the show doesn’t really give the audience a “breather” episode like other series. It just makes a viewer suffer differently this week than s/he did last week. And I dig that about you, Breaking Bad.

Read more »

“Blow it up on his face.”

Usually the opening quote of these reviews are telling, well-crafted lines that either encapsulate the episode on the whole or it’s just a gem I want to share. This line is neither. Sometimes I’m just 14 and it makes me laugh.

That line comes from the mouth of Peter Burke and will probably be featured in a new incarnation of the “Let’s Enhance” video. He’s talking about some surveillance video he gains through a hacker in his employ, from a bank that must have HD cameras installed at all exits since “blowing it up on his face” didn’t degrade the image quality at all. But I suppose I shouldn’t be nitpicky.

My eyes roll when shows do episodes revolving around technology and hacker culture. The scripts tend to become a list of keywords and misused terminology and it’s so transparent that the writers don’t necessarily understand the solution to their story problem and just type in what the consultant tells them to write. I imagine hospital shows sound the same to an doctors. Unless sarcoidosis actually does come up in every differential ever.

However, I don’t blame White Collar for sounding like every procedural that tackles technology. Sure, they make their computer nerds gorgeous (generally not the case) and their apartments ridiculously well-outfitted (the wall of expenive 25-inch monitors in a hacker’s pad is probably way more rare than you think) but you have to expect that kind of thing with the “blue skies” look. This isn’t The Wire; gritty reality has no place here. No, my issue with the show of late comes more from it falling into tropy pitfalls. The season started off with a bang and it’s been stalling, things like Worried Wife and Syrupy Character Development (I wish I had the time to review the Mozzie-focused episode — what a cheesey/saccharine miscue that was) flooding the choke. And even that wouldn’t bother me so much if Myles McNutt hadn’t said that would be the case when I was filling my glass half-full.

I hate it when that smug, Canadian bastard is right.

What I can say, though, is that this particular episode brought a little more development and a little more drama. I would say it’s moving in the right direction. But, sadly, I know better now.

Read more »