Monsters of Television

Do you think the contestants wanted to come for “fun” before or after watching JR dance?

While I know many of the dancers have been saying all along that they came for different reasons (weight loss, post-booze redemption, because Ryan O’Neal was unavailable), winning not among them, you have to assume you join a competition to win. I know the show focuses more on contestants “surviving” to dance another week, but I can’t help but take notice that more people are making sure to convince Brooke Burke and the audience that they’re just glad to be here. Glad to be on a national stage wet with the tears and sweat of our most spotlight-addicted. Well, not this physical stage. BECAUSE IT’S BRAND NEW AND SPECIAL!

Even Hope Solo, a painfully competitive athlete who talked about wanting to win before the competition, who the show put in front of the media to sell the season (ostensibly selling her as the front-runner), conceded a little bit last night. By choosing this year as the year that is most important in her life, the one where her team came in second in the World Cup and, in her words, taught her the lesson that it really is about the journey, her path in this competition is paralleled with her athletic achievements this year. Competing may not be an issue anymore. It’s more about not getting knocked out early.

And, let’s be honest, despite all the contestants bringing their A-game (at least to the judges’ overenthusiastic praise), the competition so far and this week in particular, has the odds stacked against anyone that’s not Chynna and Ricki, but particularly JR. In a week where contestants dedicate their dances to their most memorable years, who is going to compete with “Hi, how about the year I got my face blown off fighting for your country?” No one. Especially if you pick your song to be the one Fletch sings during a rectal exam. Someone should vet these things before they go on the air.

Complicating matters is that JR is a really good dancer and his partner is a really good choreographer (and they put on a clinic last night). He is the mark of the elite class in this batch (with Chynna, Ricki, and maybe Kristin) who overshadows the middle class (Hope, Rob, and maybe Arquette). Then there’re those just waiting for their inevitable early exit: Chaz and Nancy.

Of everyone left, I can only imagine that Chaz is the next to exit. Not only is he a complainer (one of those people that whines about “doing the best [they] can” when missing steps) but there’s just no way he can keep up with these other young bucks. Don’t worry, buddy. It’s a mercy killing, euthanasia really. Everyone is else just waiting for JR to eliminate them. They just don’t know it yet.