Monsters of Television

From time to time, as often as possible, Nick and I will do a Live Tweet event, typically about a Syfy Original Movie. This week was Seasnakes starring Dylan McKay Luke Perry. Pretty fun as you’ll be able to read. Be sure to follow us on Twitter if you’re already so we can spam the hell out of your feed one a week or so. You know love it.

Read on for the snark!

We’re tired of these motherfudging snakes on this motherfudging submarine! #seasnakes (aka Silent Venom:http://is.gd/6UdsF). Live tweet @ 9

NK: They couldn’t even afford a real snake? Seriously?

NK: Worst. Skype. Connection. Ever.

NC: That was a fantastically awesome giant river mama snake

NK: I think my favorite thing about these things is that the graphics look slightly worse than Second Life graphics.

NK: The Sniper has received serious promotion.

NK: Lt. Cmd. Dylan is not happy about this. He misses Brenda terribly.

NK: This guy is the worst graduate student lab assistant. Seriously.

NC: I have a feeling all that lost anti-venom is going to become important when they’re attacked by Mega-Snake.

NK: Well, at least this sub actually looks like a sub. Unlike the sub in #megasharkvsgiantoctopus

NK to NC: Mega Snake is another movie. This is a Mega SEA Snake. get it right.

NC: “Get Under Way” is an official term in the Navy?

NK to NC: You’d prefer “Engage” or “Make it so.”?

NC to NK: Just seems so … punny.

NK: I see Dylan is still the sad sack he always was. No doubt there’s a flask in his bunk.

NK: Ooooo! An overhead projector! High-tech!

NC: We do happen to have a submarine heading in that area though.

NC: Aw, it’s like a snake ark NC: Why is Krista Allen whispering?

NK to NC: She’s afraid of being recognized for having been on The Lyon’s Den.

NC: If only you had such steady hands when you were handling the all-important anti-venom, Worst Assistant Ever.

NK: Oh, dear. Will a snake please bite Worst Assistant Ever? He’s killing me.

Dr Swanson and Dylan McKay make a great couple. They can have whisper-talking contests.

NK to NC: And not the sexy ones that Jack and Devon have on #30rock.

NC: Do they not see the giant fang marks on his shoulder?

NC: Did I miss something? Do these snakes just spray venom? Are these the non-biting kind of snakes?

NC: Please tell me the snakes get into the torpedo tubes and they shoot them at the Chinese.

NC: I don’t think Dylan’s going to mind if you take a shower, Dr Swanson.

NK to NC: I don’t think any of the men are going to mind if Dr. Swanson takes a shower.

NC: Um, how did Dr Swanson not notice the snake with her in the shower?

NK: Oh, there’s a joke about snakes and one woman on a sub to made…what is it…

NC: How many angles are there to work? “Maybe it’s tiny vampires.”

NK: What’s in the box? Probably Gwen Paltrow’s head.

NC to NK: This movie would be a lot better with Morgan Freeman.

NK to NC: I was thinking Denzel Washington. He could yell at Luke Perry for 2 hours.

NC: Dylan and Swanson bedding each other is inevitable. I want Dylan to end the movie with “I’ve got one more snake for you.”

NK: Hey gang! Guess what! Luke Perry doesn’t have #seasnakes listed on his official page! Shameful!http://is.gd/6Up9G

NC: You really are the Worst Assistant Ever.

NK: Nobody recognizes that as a snake skin? Really? Even I know what that is, and I hate nature.

NK: Oh, well, that’s just a compromising position.

NK: Hahaha! “I hate snakes! You bought them on board without telling me!” Because that’s the reason to yell at her.

NC: Worst Assistant Ever: “Oh, by the way, I drank all the anti-venom and replaced it with grape soda. My bad.”

NC: Hey, Dylan, stop calling the mechanic to chit-chat and let him work on the generator.

NC: “They have symptoms of a snake bite but I could not diagnose it. Because I am the worst doctor ever.”

NC: 1 down, 19 to go.

NK: Worst Doctor Ever and Worst Assistant Ever should get together and open a clinic

NK to NC: Don’t forget the Mega Sea Snake.

NK: How exactly do you recommend killing these#seasnakes?

NC: The #seasnakes are hacking the system now?

NK: And what do snakes love to eat? Mouses.#seasnakes

NC: Dylan and Swanson are already prepared to run silent. They’ve been whispering the whole time.

NC: Did they really seal the big snake cage with shiny duct tape?

NC: I wonder if Luke Perry’s agent sold this move to him as a sequel to Hunt for Red October “with a twist.”

NC: How the heck is the dude bitten by the giant snakes living longer than the cook bitten by that (comparatively) tiny snake?

NK to NC: Poison is more concentrated?

NK: Man. That guy at the bridge or whatever it is, is really needy. He just can’t quit Dylan.

NC: Oh my god. They really are going to shoot the snakes out of the torpedo tubes.

NK: HEY! Look! Someone had a fucking idea. Amazing.

NC: WORST! ASSISTANT! EVER!

NC: Good riddance, Worst Assistant Ever. You really were awful in every way.

NK: I’m rather disappointed in #seasnakes. They’re not nearly as threatening as the Chinese it would appear.

NC: It looks like that giant snake is having a private moment with Worst Assistant Ever.

NK: Oh, so the #seasnake prefers rats.

NC: These scene with Dr Swanson crawling through the #seasnakes is poor Entrapment ripoff.

NK: Dr. Swanson is not going to get another lab assistant after this.

NC: We got snake cam! We got snake cam!

NK: Oh, I get it. Dr. Swanson speaks Parseltongue. Duh.

NK: For a man who hates snakes, Lt. Cmd. Dylan is doing a fine job.

NC: That sensual removing for the snakes and she still gets bit? That’s cold, man

NC: Sweep the leg, Giant #Seasnakes!

NC: Apparently, sit-com humor is okay. Dylan just turned around and ran into a ladder. It might as well have been a rake.

NK: Man, that Giaant #seasnake really hated John from Cincinnati.

NK: Oh, no. No. Groan.

NC: SyFy originals endings throw me off. Dylan and Swanson didn’t get down. But at least the earth didn’t explode.

And a bonus tweet because Nick is an idiot: @ZacharyLevi You have Twitterhea.