Monsters of Television

“You look like hell.”

“Small price to pay when you feel like heaven.”

Thank Gossip Girl! In a season full of stagnation and relationships that no one seems to care about, “Dr. Estrangeloved” was a return to the glory days of season 1. We saw some of our favorite characters reappear in their true forms, reminding us of why we fell in love with them, and the show, in the first place.

No return to form was more satisfying than that of smirky, bow-tie enthusiast Chuck Bass. After his break up with Blair, he has once again embraced his inner mother Chucker.

Upon returning to his penthouse, a random skank on each arm (yes yes yes he’s back!), Chuck finds young Jenny fresh from a sex-free sleepover with Nate. He taunts her, baits her, tells her that if she wants Nate she’s going to have to make Serena think there’s something going on between them. And he can help with that. Little J is down for the plan but wants to know what’s in it for Chuck. With his new lady friends undressing in his room behind him he smirks as only he can (do I have a man crush on Chuck Bass?) and responds:  “I want my friend back. This will be done easier with Serena out of the picture.”

So what is his plan? He pays an informant $500 to tell him about a party/art show in Brooklyn. Why the payment? Blair will be there. So he invites Nate out on the town with him and Jenny. Chuck sits back and watches his puppets dance as Nate and Serena get in an argument over the phone (Serena is NOT happy about all the time Nate is spending with Jenny) and Nate, pissed as hell, decides he wants to leave. Chuck says he’ll stay behind, he has more meddling to do, but suggests Nate and Jenny return to the penthouse. And they do. Mission accomplished.

Chuck isn’t the only newly single sociopath in the Upper East Side. Blair is determined to bounce right back from Chuck’s heartbreaking betrayal. She throws a brunch for some rich, eligible bachelors to come and check out her goods…only no one shows. Of course this is somehow Dorota’s fault, and Blair lets her know it (classic season 1 Blair). After Dorota suggests it’s a sign Blair should reconcile with Chuck, that’s who Blair turns her fire spewing towards. She plans to set out and find a guy to make Chuck jealous. Where does she plan to find said guy? At the party/art show of course! Such a convergence of plot points.

Blair finds a guy at the bar and begins to flirt. That is if she calls picking him apart and insulting his taste flirting. Of course she does, she’s Blair Waldorf! By the end of the night, Columbia (as Blair keeps calling him, it’s where he goes to school) suggests they just kiss so she can make the guy who she’s been looking at all night jealous. Great idea! And so they do. But Blair feels nothing. She tells Chuck she doesn’t need some hookup to get over him. When she kisses someone next it will be for real.

In keeping with our season 1 throwback, let’s see what new things or people Dan Humphrey isn’t good enough for. This time around it’s Tish. Dan gets his rejection letter, denying his transfer to Tish. Ouch. Well he doesn’t feel too bad, there was only 1 open transfer spot. What’s that? Vanessa applied for the position without telling him and got accepted? Tish neglected to mention that in the letter.

Later, Dan runs into Willa (remember her? Yeah, me neither) who apologizes that Dan got denied. When tells her that Vanessa’s application piece was based on a play Dan wrote. After agreeing to meet up at the party that apparently everyone ever on the show will be at, Willa gets on the phone with her Tish board father to investigate Vanessa’s acceptance. Vanessa feels bad so she shares her submission piece with Dan, and it’s not what he thought. It’s an original piece. About their relationship. Yikes.

When Dan runs into Willa at the party/art show/plot moving locale she tells him that she called daddy dearest because Dan deserves to go, not Vanessa. Then she tries to seal her case with a kiss, but Humphrey ain’t havin’ it. So Willa runs off and tells Vanessa everything. Sorry Dan, you didn’t get into Tish and now your girlfriend think you’re trying to sabotage her. Makes your season 1 troubles seem pretty damn small now huh?

And finally we have a new player in town. We are at last introduced to none other than Dr. William van der Woodsen, portrayed by William Baldwin with as much of a perfect mixture of charm and sleaze as his brother Jack Donaghy — I mean Alec Baldwin. William has been helping treat Lily for cancer, not having an affair with her. So that puts that theory on Lily’s secret to rest. It seems Daddy van der Woodsen is going to be sticking around (much to Rufus’ delight) as Lily has fallen into remission. He’ll be helping out as well as trying to reconnect with Serena and Eric (who was away with the debate team this episode).

Other plot points from the episode you may want to know:

• Chuck and Jenny’s plan didn’t work. Jenny tried to kiss Nate but he denied her and through her out to make up with Serena. They reconcile and she tells him about Lily and her illness.
• Blair shows a bit of humanity by crying over Chuck back at home. She asks Dorota to go feed the ducks with her tomorrow (a favorite season 1 past time they share).
• William may not be as nice and helpful as he seems. The episode ends with him on a mysterious phone call telling someone that he needs another prescription for Lily. And that they wouldn’t want the authorities to know what they’re up to.

For those hanging on to the show waiting for a glimpse of the Gossip Girl of old, your prayers have been answered. We may still hate Serena and Jenny may still be getting on our nerves but it seems like those who really matter are getting back to business. Cause while Blair & Chuck may have been a great couple, we all prefer them single and evil. Here’s hoping it stays that way. It’s good to be back.

You know you love me. XOXO