Monsters of Television

“What do you think is going to happen here? You’re going to logic me into coming back?”

Talb having the night of his life.

I would say this is a filler week but, really, how can you tell anymore?

The “trapped together” episode is the kind of theme you’re supposed to avoid as a spec writer since nothing really happens and it usually isn’t very demonstrative of the tenets of a series (unless the tenets of the series include being trapped together). These episodes are generally set-up for more exciting times, like a sacrifice for later in the season. It gives writers the opportunity to try out material they’re too uninspired to work in naturally. But these are staff writers so they can do whatever they want.

Chase and Cameron working out their relationship issues. Talb and Foreman getting high in the basment. 13 and Wilson playing Truth or Dare. Did John Hughes bank a House episode before he left?

Let’s get through House’s storyline quickly because not a whole lot of thought went into it. The whole hospital is locked down because a newborn goes missing and House is trapped in a room with a Dying Guy. Lest you believe that Dying Guy can be miraculously cured by the end of the episode, House reads his chart and his death sentence. Suddenly, we go from a possible House-the-Healer episode to a House-the-Learner-about-Life-and-What’s-Important episode. Do you think House’s special power really isn’t in Diagnostics but in eliciting insightful and witty diatribe from his the diseased and pained? Dying Guy is on a pretty powerful dose of morphine and, save some strained moaning, he’s pretty lucid. House and Dying Guy talk about each other and their feelings (but in that guarded, bantery kind of way) and, since it turns out Dying Guy was kind of a d-bag in life, it all ends with a tearful phone call to his daughter. Seriously. That’s House’s part in this episode.

Meanwhile, locked in the cafeteria, 13 and Wilson, despite both exhibiting themselves to be cultured, interesting people, decide the only way for them pass the time is a bit of Truth or Dare. Although I might also be convinced the game is a viable option if it meant I could Dare 13 to do stuff. Wilson may be too saintly to exploit the situation (he at one point dares her to flash Talb, instead of him, when they get out since he doesn’t want to take advantage of her) but I’m not beyond it. Anyway, the only real information elicited from Truth or Dare is that Wilson wants to date one of his ex-wives. Oh, and Wilson steals a dollar.

Foreman and Talb are locked down in the records room where they first decide to spy on House (though he, appropriately, has doctored his own records) then on each other. But only after getting high on some contraband painkillers and punching each other in the face. After some Vicodin-induced soul-searching we know exactly the same stuff we knew at the beginning of the episode: Foreman feels like he doesn’t belong and Talb feels like he’s too old to be just a fellow. In an act of solidarity, Talb shreds an embarrassing part of Foreman’s file.

Finally, we have the return of Cameron as she and Chase are locked in an empty room together with some divorce papers and a lot of previously invisible baggage. I thought when Chase was shorn right after the break-up, all the pain of the failed marriage fell to the pretty-boy salon floor with his floppy locks since he never really showed that it affected him. But, apparently, it was there all along. They hash it out, Cameron keeping her straight face for a while but, eventually coming out with the thing that’s always been an issue: Cameron has a lot of problems. She admits that she’s not sure she ever loved him but then backpeddles into a loving him “in a way that would never work.” Chase is reassured because that means the dude he killed (no, not guy after Lodz from Carnivàle died but King Jaffe Joffer from Coming to America) isn’t why they broke up. Whew! With that out of the way, they have a post-mortem, reminiscing about the good times, sharing a dance, and furthering the myth that Goodbye Sex is a responsible, mature option.

Oh, and they find the baby. Turns out one of the nurses suffers from seizures that turn her into a zombie and she put the baby in the dirty towels bin.

Nothing more to report here. Nothing really illuminated or expanded upon. Just hijinks and reinforcement of what we already know.

At least it wasn’t a clip show, right?