Monsters of Television

“There are no secrets in parenting.”

Kristina’s getting all potted up!

(Note: Usually, these Parenthood reviews would go up on TV.com (you can see the rest of them for this season) but I missed a deadline. Apparently I have stuffing on the brain. So enjoy it here this week.)

I think we’ve been ignoring Sydney for so long that we missed her growing up. She looks like she’s about six months for a driver’s permit now.

It’s a good representation of the shift in balance for the show. Over the past few episodes, Parenthood has turned from being comprised of post-modern parenting morality tales couched in well-developed narratives and portrayed by nuanced characters (think back to “The Talk” which was a hair away from being a sit-com A story) to focusing heavily on characters rather than the Braverman family unit. Julia and Joel struggling with Victor and putting Sydney not just on a backburner but completely out of the picture is just an example of how the togetherness of the family is starting to pull apart just slightly.

Each of the subsections of the Braverman unit have been contending with their own issues: Adam and Kristina are Planet Cancer, the celestial body around which the other storylines orbited for the better part of the season but now, outside of the occasional need, is pretty much autonomous; Sarah has her issues with Hank and the inevitable doom Mark Cyr doesn’t see (though she took a break this week to do a little bit of her overbearing parenting); Crosby and Jasmine operate in a world of newlyweds where there are no problems more serious than something that happened on King of Queens; and then there’s Julia and Joel dealing with Victor.

Who knows what Camille and Zeek are up to. They could be doing group massage parties for seniors for all we know.

With Victor being around and the set-up they had weeks ago when Julia and Joel decided to go to Victor’s game over Sydney’s recital, you would think this would be a gold mine for adversity in the Graham household but it’s been shown up by the drama of adopting a minority boy from a broken home. A lot of tendrils with that it would appear and they haven’t had a lot of time to dedicate to the other side of parenting someone that wasn’t shown nearly enough love growing up, that the only child who’d basked in the love for years would feel cold without the spotlight.

Here it is now, though, sprung all into one episode. In the span of 45 minutes, she’s insisted she doesn’t want a burger (obvious criticism due purely to association — who doesn’t want a burger?), throwing water on Victor like a Greek politician and insisting that he’s not her real brother (harsh but fair), and running away. What annoyed me a little about Julia dismissing the running away as a tantrum is her failure to recognize that Sydney didn’t have any good points. Even before Joel reminded her that the last few weeks have been all Victor, all the time, the girl made a solid case in that cul-de-sac. I mean, Julia bought Rosetta Stone (not cheap) and started learning Spanish, for crying out loud. You don’t see Julia buying — pink? What is Sydney into?

The point is that there’ve been a lot of distractions from the bread and butter parenting for the series. Cancer and the ensuing chemotherapy play their parts in Adam and Kristina’s household, which was basically a showcase for Max to be the biggest jerk that ever jerked. We’ve discussed this before, how Max is a boy of two personalities this season: one of an autistic kid that struggles in a world not constructed around his attributes and deficits and another of a jackass. This week, he plays a jackass.

The prima donna Max is not entertaining to me, especially because, by the definition of his character, he very rarely is able to redeem himself. He doesn’t give hugs, he doesn’t say he’s sorry without being prompted, he doesn’t show any amount of remorse. All of those reasons are also why I like Max sometimes but when he’s overly demanding and manipulative, it’s uncomfortable and almost intolerable. Maybe that’s the point. But he runs into the bathroom to find his mother lying on the floor, a shell of a woman wrapped around her toilet, and his reaction is just, “Why is she on the floor?” No shock at the image, no later revelation or readiness to help later. Just a means to discovering Kristina on the floor. Again, that might be the point. It doesn’t make it any less frustrating.

While we’re at it, Emmy nomination for Monica Potter. Now. Please. Either that or a spokewomanship for a dispensary. Did you see that collapse into the pillow? Pure satisfaction. Way to sell that product.

The last distraction is one that has never had anything to do with parenting. Amber has been essentially autonomous this entire season, helping out her uncles and her brother when she can but, particularly with Ryan in her life, she is her own story, one that, if I’d tuned in for the first time this week, I wouldn’t even assume she’s related to the Bravermans at all. The road trip storyline plays out like the first act of a Lifetime movie, and while there are good performances and entrenching of characters, it also kind of feels like they’re stepping out of the bounds of the series. Amber and Ryan are this rogue satellite flinging themselves further into space.

That being said, I like watching these two get together, if only because they really are serving up this time bomb on a platter. I’m curious if they know we know this is only going to blow up in remarkable fashion. We don’t know when. We don’t know how (especially since he’s attempting to rule out suicide with that, “I’m not him” line). But it’ll be soon. For now, enjoy these two in their underpants, making out in the ocean. Of course, Mae Whitman has to climb on Matt Lauria like a chimpanzee scaling a tree in kiss him but it’s adorable all the same.

NOTES

• Jasmine and Crosby continue to enjoy a life and relationship unburdened by heavy distractions their family seems to suffer. Their arguments almost exclusively add up to Crosby’s being a child and Jasmine gets all snippy when he’s being a child. Speaking of children, where’s Jabbar been?
• So Drew has been pining for this girl since they split up months ago and, when they get back together, this is their choice for doing it tunes? Kids these days. What happened to Portishead or Massive Attack?
• Mark’s conversation with Drew about contraception is part STD PSA, part fatherly talk, all awkward that we can’t get away from. By the end I was begging for sweet mercy. “Cut away! Cut away, curse you!”
• Honestly, Hughes could’ve looked a lot worse after Ryan pummeled him. You’d expect Parenthood to meditate on the crying a little more but they cut away from it relatively quickly.
• Hank sighting! Come back to me, old friend.
• How sad is Micah that he continues to be friends with Max? That’s a boy with self-esteem issues.
• Didn’t the option of medical marijuana come up with her doctor when they were discussing post-chemo treatments? Especially in California? With people getting cards for theoretical anxiety disorders, you’d think it’d come up for an actual disease with which weed can actually help.
• Ice skating with Sydney and she turns down the option for hot chocolate? Burgers, milkshakes, now this? What kind of alien pod child are they raising?