Monsters of Television

“Every time you baby squirrel Ezra, you take away his nuts.”

She just wanted a coconut. Geez, lighten up, you guys.

What? How did we go through a whole episode with that title and not hear Bell Biv DeVoe once?

Egregious absences of namesakes notwithstanding, this episode felt stronger than that past two weeks, didn’t it? It wasn’t AS cheesy or AS painful to watch. The girls are still awful to their men (or ladies as the case may be) and their schemes to get evidence/clues are still hare-brained but a lot has to be said when the writer of the episode doesn’t talk down to the audience, simultaneously assuming the characters are idiots so they would do dumb things and that the audience are idiots so they can pass off uninspired plot points and no one will be the wiser.

This show is weird in that we get a lot of information in a ham-handed way and then a better-quality breather episode with less information and more interaction. It’s like any other show with a serial storytelling except the episodes where we get a lot of information are crappy. Even the writers are trying to rush through it and hope no one thinks about what just happened.

I suppose the important part is that everything wasn’t as sloppy this week. The girls’ behavior, even the stupid stuff, seemed reasonable. I believe Spencer would go type-A on everyone and obsess during an absence of A texts. I believe Paige would be reintroduced right about now (and that they’d want to see the Katy Perry movie — what fan of cleavage wouldn’t?). I believe Jenna would have a dumb hat party. Is this a Blossom reference? Are we celebrating 1990?

Emily’s story is the most interesting because Paige is such a wild card character. Bringing her into the mix admits a possible love interest, a constant victim of unfortunate events, and a possible murderer. Emily’s ability to roll with the personality disaster that is Paige is a feat of emotional jujitsu that is either from Emily’s hidden strength or very desperate weakness, the one that makes her friends call her “poor Em.” The jealousy, the propensity for damage, the roller coaster of crazy. Even though she’s still a passive character, it’s all good for making Emily’s story more compelling, especially if the possibility that Paige killed Maya is still on the table. It’s not out of the question, right?

Even without that, Paige is such a sad character that using her as the vessel through which Emily can watch how she was the night she was almost framed as a grave robber is brilliant. We elide through Emily acting a fool for narrative purposes so watching Paige act with zero grace is awesome. And it means we get some clues in a natural way. Like how lesbians like coconut. That’s not what we learned? Okay. I guess just the Emily being drugged thing.

Meanwhile, Hanna and Aria deal with their boy problems. Hanna is dealing with her issues by way of one-liners while Aria wrestles with her boyfriend struggling to stay afloat while he looks for a job, his spate of unemployment he may not blame on Aria but probably should.

While I still think Aria is the focus of this show, the most well-rounded character through which the audience can most identify, she’s falling into the same territory that Spencer and Hanna were forced into though Aria hasn’t been threatened by A in order to get there. I’m saying she’s being a jackass to Ezra for her own sake, which I’m torn to recognize. On one hand, I know that this was an inevitable turn since no romantic partner for a Liar is safe but then, on the other, Aria is just ditching Fitz to pursue the mystery. And with all the men on this show turning into sappy codependents, this rubs Ezra the wrong way. This relationship is so gross.

But at least Aria has the chance to dig into crazy Lucas’s bag and find the same type of sleeping pills that laced Emily’s flask. And we got to see Lucas run. Which is hilarious. He looks like a baby horse running after it’s been tranq’d.

So Hanna is still in the throes of Caleb withdrawal, Emily is dealing with bringing Paige back into her life, and Aria has her turn at man trouble. Meanwhile, Spencer has nothing but the puzzle and the task of exposition.

Through her is the way to learning about Garrett being released from prison for a day so he can see his mother. Through her is the way we learn how Jenna could fool everyone into thinking she was blind through retcon. Through her is the way to the woeful realization that we have another mysterious name to investigate: April Rose. The creators justifiably substantiate these facts, however, unlike how the season thus far has rushed through the story and hoped the audience doesn’t notice the lack of inspiration. So there might be hope for this yet.

I think what makes this episode less annoying is that our leads aren’t looked at as little girls but not-girls-not-yet-women dealing with impossible and extraordinary circumstances. They still do adolescent things but it’s not ridiculous nonsense like, “Mommy’s sad. Let’s find her a date!” This plus a balance of a sharper wit (the “squirrel” conversation is well-executed) makes the show enjoyable and, even the things that are so stupid (Paige needing stitches, Jenna and Nate getting close, anything involving Wilden) are passable.

Other things:

• A post from Pretty Little Liars Annotations reminds you to never forget Paige once tried to kill Emily.
• I think there are probably a lot of girls out there that wouldn’t mind a pizza with a topping of Caleb.
• Ezra’s high-school-aged girlfriend is taking care of him? I’ve finally figured it out. Ezra is Mr M.
• Hanna’s mom makes fun of her daughter for going out in a gray t-shirt and tight sweatpants. She needs to visit Westlake more often. Girl, that’s an outfit!
• S: “Hey, what about Jenna being able to see?” E: “I knoooooow. We should do something about that!” S: “No, wait, I have more bad news to dump on you!” E: “I can’t deal with this right now. I have too much to do because of all the other stuff you dumped on me.” S: “Wait, wait! I have more stuff that will weight heavy on your mind so you fail at everything!” E: “I hate you, Spencer.”
• Episodes where Hanna has all the one-liners makes struggling through this show almost worth it. “Laurel tucks whaaaa?”
• Name tags: a good way to look at boobies. Get you some, Ted.
• The play-by-play of the flower-buying is stunning. Why is Spencer all about hassling Emily today?
• Paige is always the saddest.
• I have to say, A has amazing dexterity for wearing thick gloves all the time.