Monsters of Television

Twin Peaks, what are you trying to do? No, really – what is your endgame here? Because if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’ve lost the plot.

I’m sure all of this meandering and plot-thickening is leading somewhere, but I’d like us to get there a bit quicker, if you don’t mind.

I suppose my wish will be answered on at least one count, since we will apparently find out who killed Laura Palmer in just a couple more episodes. The big reveal will come in the first third of this season, further proving my point that it was never really all that important who killed Laura so much as why, and how her death is connected to everything else going on in this not-so-sleepy little town.

In this episode, we catch up with Bobby and Shelly, neither of whom I care a jot about, and also Big Ed and Nadine. Nadine is still in high school mode, and she arrives home in a schoolgirl outfit and immediately (and unintentionally) rips the fridge door off its hinges. I love Nadine, y’all. It’s this kind of crazy stuff that keeps me coming back for more.

Less interesting is all the crazy, slightly disturbing stuff going on with Donna. Is she completely off her rocker or what? Nothing about her story is fun or interesting anymore, though I am super excited to find out what part, exactly, Mr. Smith plays in this ever-growing story. Considering that we close the episode with him “clawing” at his face with a garden tool, I suspect it will be fun, if not all that revelatory.

Meanwhile, what a tragedy Blackie turned out to be, eh? At least we (finally) have Audrey back. Maybe she’ll get back to doing awesome and stupid things. I’ve missed them.

Our Japanese friend/travel critic/investor/probably in the mob is also getting in on the plot-thickening, offering Ben a cool five million as a beginning investment in Ben’s project. I, for one, don’t for a second believe this guy is actually here for the development. I demand more from this random character’s appearance. I want intrigue! Scandal! The crossing of streams! Secret identities! Deaths! Maybe even a few parking tickets!

Or he could just be another victim. You know, whatevs.

Notes:

• HARRY IS BADASS, Y’ALL. He took out that guard like he did it all the time.
• Speaking of badass: HAWK. STILL MY FAVORITE.
• “I’M A WHOLE DAMN TOWN.” Aww, Andy! Also: what the hell did the person on the other end of the line say to you during that phone call? Inquiring minds want to know.
• What the hell is in that drink the Judge had Sid make for him and Harry and Cooper? A drink with blue foam on the top does not sound appetizing.
• There is clearly fake blood already on the tips of the rake that Harold Smith is holding. He even gets a bit of the blood on his cheek before he takes tool-to-face. FOR SHAME.