Monsters of Television

Mystic Falls has a witch problem.

The houseguest of the title is Katherine, shacking up with Damon and Stefan. Her interactions with Damon throughout this episode were kind of hilarious. He is working so hard to hate her, but Katherine still has the ability to wound him, and she knows it. Damon needs to take my advice about exes—buy an island, put them on it, sail away. Nothing good comes from hanging out with an evil ex.

In other news, one of our clueless characters discovers there are vampires in town. This character’s reaction to the news was horror and anger—an incredible scene depicting a vampire’s hopes dashed against the shores of that island where exes should live.  This scene delivered.

Less successful this week was the depiction of the witches. Many viewers have commented about the oddity that witches in this world are apparently exclusively African-American—the implications of that for race studies are profound. On a more practical level, however, it seems the witches are best used in small doses, as with Katherine’s witch, Lucy. Lucy came to town, caused havoc, betrayed Katherine, demonstrated her awesome power, offered Bonnie advice, and got the heck out of dodge. Awesome. When witches stick around too long, though, they end up betraying one of our heroes and getting killed. Why Bonnie hasn’t learned that she should better corral these witches, I do not know. Oh, wait, yes I do. Though being redeemed slowly by her sexy affair with Jeremy, Bonnie still has moments of extreme suckitude. After Dr. Martin stole her power, instead of turning to despair, Bonnie should have gotten tough and gotten her powers back. Perhaps she could have spared some lives.

This show is at its weakest when it makes certain points of mythology super vague or otherwise allows characters to act in inexplicable ways in order to justify a delay in the action. I bring this up because the show went out of its way to justify showing a band at the Grill. During a conversation between Awesome Vampire Caroline and Matt, she notices a stage being set up at the Grill, so Matt explains that the Grill needs more business and has hired a band for that night. Later, the girls make a plan to go see the band. We get all kinds of exposition to justify this band at the Grill. But the logic behind having to leave the dagger in Elijah—forever—for him to stay dead? We’re supposed to just take that for what it is–justified by some sort of vampire honor code. Bonnie sucking it up that Dr. Martin stole her powers? Totally understandable—in a completely inexplicable way. Why would she not try to explain to Dr. Martin that her goal was to protect Elena, an innocent? I know I shouldn’t ask too many questions, but sometimes the show brings its less believable moments into a spotlight that can’t be ingnored.

As it is, Bonnie’s failure to talk sense to Dr. Martin led to all this week’s biggest shenanigans. Interestingly, Katherine did very little to force others to act—instead, she offered comedic relief. So our heroes were largely acted upon rather than taking charge. This goes for Ric, trying to deal with Jenna’s anger; Damon, trying to ignore Katherine; Awesome Vampire Caroline, hemming and hawing about Matt, and even Elena, whom we barely see this episode.  With Elijah gone, Elena’s plan to save her friends is kaput.  You’d think she’d be actively trying to forge another plan rather than leaving it to the Salvatore brothers.  Didn’t she say she was in charge last week?  What happened to that girl?  Oh, yeah, girl’s night.

I struggle with these weekly recaps because they inevitably descend into nitpicking.  Was this episode enjoyable?  Darn tooting it was.  Did it offer a few surprises?  Yep.  But did the central plot expand?  Only in one major way.  Damon learned something from the Gilbert journal that only he and Stefan have seen.  We also learned a few things from Katherine that are likely all mixed with lies anyway.  A couple of reveals at the end of the episode set us up for more adventure when the show returns in a month [argh!].  But that means this week provided set up and it is for the rest of the season to execute.  Makes for a less satisfying episode.

Elena and Stefan wake up in a super good mood after a night of love. They are late for school, which bothers Stefan not even the slightest bit, as he reaches for Elena for another round. Elena protests for a moment, “remember that thing we keep forgetting about?”–meaning school–but she yields to Stefan’s incredible abs.

Cut to Damon downstairs as Elena gets ready to leave for school. Damon gets a funny look across his face and then forces Elena to the wall—it isn’t Elena at all! Or is it? The woman protests, assuring both brothers that she is Elena. So Stefan rushes upstairs and forces another Elena/Katherine to the wall, confusing everyone about everything. Who’s this week’s big winner at the “discern who is the doppleganger” party game? Damon! He was right in the first place, it seems. Katherine just can’t help herself.  Katherine boasts that she is getting better at pretending to be Elena.  [Eventually one of these brothers is going to sleep with her and be really confused about who he is with, though I have never bought that particular device.  If you have had sex with someone regularly, you should be able to discern his/her love sounds and moves.  But I digress…]

Elena is none too pleased to see Katherine hanging at the Salvatore house. She does not try to hide her feelings, “I don’t want you here. Get her out of here,” she asks the brothers. Then Katherine brings up a super good point—the brothers know virtually nothing about Klaus, including what he looks like. They need her, and she is here to help, after all. [Yeah, right.]

Awesome Vampire Caroline and Matt discuss Tyler’s disappearance. She is surprised that Tyler visited Matt before he left and wants to know what he said to Matt. This scene is nicely ambiguous—is Awesome Vampire Caroline hoping Tyler said something about her? Does she suspect that Tyler tried to help her out with Matt? Only AVC knows. Matt, however, demonstrates his changed heart—telling Awesome Vampire Caroline that she knows how he feels, so it is her move. For someone who has been moping after Matt for some time, Awesome Vampire Caroline fails to react at all here.

Elena plans a girls’ night with Bonnie, bummed about losing her powers, and with Awesome Vampire Caroline, bummed about boys in general. Elena jokes to Stefan, “maybe Katherine can join us?” [God, that would be so much fun.]

Damon is playing with Elijah’s corpse, trying to burn it with a huge blow torch. Yes, this is as hot as you are imagining. Katherine agrees, it seems, since she rushes to hang with Damon and the corpse. Damon is a bit annoyed, realizing that Katherine knew he would die if he had tried to stab Elijah with the ashy dagger. Katherine admits it without shame, “of course I knew that you’d die.”  [Bitch is cold.]

Stefan is the only smart person in town—his plan is to try to get the Martins on his side. Why he doesn’t get Bonnie’s help, though, is unclear.

Jeremy tries to kiss Bonnie at school, but she avoids him for fear of Elena seeing them. She promises to tell Elena soon.

Ric and Elena have a nice talk about his Jenna predicament. After showing Elena that he gave Uncle John his ring, Ric tells Elena that he wants to tell Jenna the truth, but it is up to her whether she will allow him to do so.  [Not sure why Elena doesn’t immediately say, “yes, please tell her,” since she has learned that Jeremy is much better off knowing about the vampires than he was before when he was a depressed, in-the-dark druggie. Sometimes the writers of this show make characters dumber than they need to be so they can postpone plot advancement. It is a bit annoying.]

Stefan tells Dr. Martin that Elijah is dead, but he offers to help Jonas save his daughter and kill Klaus.

Katherine is annoyed that Damon is pouting: “if it is any consolation, I’m glad you’re not dead,” she offers. They discuss the witch burial ground, and Katherine explains that when a witch dies violently, they leave energy behind, or something like that.  Seems a witch can channel this energy and become a big freakin’ weapon, capable of destroying Klaus, or so goes the theory.

Dr. Martin wants revenge on our heroes, so he decides to let Elijah come back to life and kill them.  [Whoever came up with this whole “the dagger has to remain in the vampire’s body to stay dead” thing made a real mess of this episode. All we did was retread old ground, trying to keep Elijah mostly dead.]

The ladies are all mopey on girls’ night, and they play with a tablet powered by the AT&T network, but I never caught the name of the tablet’s manufacturer. Poor product placement, CW. Awesome Vampire Caroline proves her awesomeness by suggesting they watch The Notebook. When Elena points out that AVC has seen that movie multiples times, Caroline counters, “that is so not the point.” Indeed, who wouldn’t want to watch The Notebook over and over?

Jenna comes in, pouty as ever. She complains about Ric lying to her: “I deserve the truth. Everybody does,” and Awesome Vampire Caroline seems to take this to heart. The ladies decide to go to the Grill to see the aforementioned band.

Dr. Martin and Luca do a spell that allows Luca to enter the Salvatore mansion so he can remove the dagger from Elijah. The rules here are—you guessed it—vague. It seems Luca is invisible but he is in the mansion bodily. So at one moment, Damon thinks he hears something, but since he can’t see Luca, he turns back to the Gilbert journal that he’s reading.

Katherine, reading besides Damon, is bored. They read about Emily’s death at the site of the massacre.  Damon reminds Katherine that he trusts her not at all: “you know this whole friendly cooperative thing, I don’t buy it.” When Stefan arrives home, Katherine goes in search of a blood packet. Damon says aloud to Stefan that he did not find anything of value in the Gilbert journal, but shows Stefan something in the book—trying to keep Katherine out of the loop. Nice move.

While downstairs getting her blood pack, Katherine notices the dagger moving slowly out of Elijah [must be sunk in there real good, huh?]. She jumps on the dagger, fighting with an invisible Luca to keep the dagger in place. Dr. Martin figures out that this person causing interference is Katherine, so he encourages Luca to stab her, which he does. Damon arrives before Luca can remove the dagger, and he set Luca on fire with the blow torch. Both the Luca in the Salvatore mansion and the Luca in the apartment with his father burst into flames.

The girls are at the Grill, awkwardly staring at Ric and Matt. Jenna tells Ric with confidence, “whatever you think I can’t handle, you’re wrong.”  [Easier said than done, Jenna.]

Awesome Vampire Caroline decides to get her man back, so she goes on stage to sing to him…because that is apparently easier than talking to him. Okay, I’ll go with this particular bit of silliness cause I like this show. The band protests Awesome Vampire Caroline taking the mic, so she compels them, saying, “you are going to let me live out my rock star fantasies.” Then she sings The Bangle’s “Eternal Flame,” a song I much like [and a song from my high school years—the TVD writers must be my age, cause they are reaching back a bit here], but not exactly a rocking anthem.  Awesome Vampire Caroline’s singing, btw, is not bad. She has a deeper voice, but I liked it. [I am amused ny how the CW lets all its actors sing. I mean, everyone over there in Hellcats land has sung. The girls on 90210 all sing. And now the singing craze has spread to Mystic Falls. If Stefan or Damon ever sing, though, I will protest strongly.] In the middle of the song, Matt rushes on stage and kisses Caroline. Honestly, it isn’t that great a moment. Mostly cause I’m now a Tyler-Caroline shipper, but also cause the moment was already cheesy enough with just her singing. The kiss on stage was too much. [My partner’s comment at this moment? “That was pretty girlie.”]

Stefan rushes to the Martin apartment, but he finds a broken Dr. Martin crying over the dead body of his son. Martin is devastated: “He’s dead and I have no one.” He gives Stefan the aneurism thing that the witches like to do and leaves, promising Stefan will feel the same loss that Martin feels now.

[Wow—Luca is dead? For reals? That was surprising.]

Damon gives a stabbed Katherine [does no one in this town know how to stab a heart?] some blood and then stabs her again for good measure. “That’s for not telling me the dagger would kill me,” he explains. Katherine tells Damon that she is somewhat in cahoots with Uncle John and Isobel, who are united in wanting Stefan and Damon out of Elena’s life. She made a deal with them, promising to remain in town to help save Elena as long as they let Stefan live. Damon, however, she was willing to sacrifice. Damon is unsurprised but hurt, nevertheless.

Elena finds Awesome Vampire Caroline and Matt being all hot and heavy in the bathroom of the Grill, so she quicly turns the other direction, running into Bonnie. “Would it bother you if I started dating your brother?” Bonnie blurts out. Elena pauses, reflecting on the pain Jeremy has suffered in the past year. “He deserves to be with someone as amazing as you,” Elena tells her friend. This happy moment is dampened when Bonnie sees a ticked off Dr. Martin in the Grill.

Damon is on his way to the Grill to help Elena, and Katherine promises him she can help. [If the plan she has in mind was not clear to all the audience at this point, then you aren’t watching enough vampire shows. It is disappointing when TVD is predictable, cause that doesn’t happen often.]

Stefan rushes in to the Grill as Dr. Martin is making lights explode. He asks Awesome Vampire Caroline to take Elena out of the bar. Martin then sets the bar on fire. Awesome Vampire Caroline attacks Dr. Martin, but when Matt tries to help, he gets stabbed in the neck. Naturally, she gives Matt her blood, but the look in his eyes as her face changes is terror.

Back at the house are Elena, Stefan, Bonnie, and Jeremy. Dr. Martin attacks Elena, who takes a bite out of his neck. Yes, that’s right, they tricked us again [not really]. Katherine pretended to be Elena so she could kill Dr. Martin. “You’re welcome,” she says, with blood around her mouth. Bonnie is not pleased, “you didn’t have to kill him!,” she screams, when Dr. Martin sits up. He grabs Bonnie, looks in her eyes, and then Katherine breaks his neck.

Damon arrives to see the carnage.  Neither brother knows just what to make of Katherine’s “help,” but they agree it likely isn’t leading anywhere good.

Ric tries one more time with Jenna, explaining, “There are things about her death…that aren’t for me to tell. I love you—at least I can tell you that much.” After that tender moment, Jenna rejects him. [This proves that Jenna is absolutely the dumbest person in a town full of idiots. Seriously, Jenna? You are turning down that hot, kind, brave man cause you’re annoyed he won’t tell you all his secrets from his past? Super dumb.]

Jeremy chases after Bonnie, worrying that she seems to be handling all this too well: “I think you have a serious case of denial going.” Bonnie puts her hand on Jeremy’s chest, showing him that her powers are back: “Jonas wants me to kill Klaus,” she tells Jeremy, who replies, “did he include a how?” Indeed, he did. Nice one, Jonas.

Damon figures something out. He asks Katherine how the town founders discovered Emily Bennett was a witch? Katherine admits, “she was a loose end, and I like mine tied up.” They bicker, and it gets hot. “you were mean and very rough, and monstrous,” she accuses Damon. “You deserved it,” he insists. “I like this,” Katherine purrs and their bodies meet. Then Damon pushes her off of him: “there are six other bedrooms in this house. Go find one.”

Matt wakes up, horrified that he drank Awesome Vampire Caroline’s blood. She tries to explain everything, about her blood saving him, about being a vampire, about how she’s so excited that now he knows everything and they can be together. But Matt is smarter than she (and I) realize. He quickly figures out that his sister was right when she told him a vampire attacked her. He then becomes suspicious that it was Awesome Vampire Caroline that attacked and killed Vicki. “What did you do to my sister?” he screams, and runs out of the house. [Uh-oh. That went very poorly. A preview of what will happen when Jenna eventually finds out the truth?]

Speaking of Jenna, she is talking with Elena when the doorbell rings. Guess who? Mommy is home—Isobel.

Am I glad Isobel is back?  Maybe.  If it gets more screen time for Uncle John (entirely absent this episode), then all the better.  But I hope they keep Isobel nice and evil.  We need some vampires to stick with the evil thing around here.  Plus, there is some poignancy in Elena have two ancestors around–both crappy relatives and mean women.  Isobel may also give Jenna a chance to become a real character, fighting for her man.  There is much potential here.  Let’s hope the show delivers.  See you in April!