Monsters of Television

“Was it good? Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm.”

According to IMDb, this is actually the ninth episode of Perfect Couples. Is the pilot that horrible that NBC needed to show the ninth episode instead? That cannot bode well. And, in fact, it did not bode well.

Perfect Couples is perfectly horrible in every horrible way. I mean it. If the ninth episode is this bad, I do not even want to think about how bad the pilot must be. Consider yourselves warned.

I mean, do you need to be warned? It’s not like you were going to watch it anyway. I mean, American Idol is on at the same time. And you know I think something is bad when I would rather watch American Idol.

Perfect Couples is trying far too hard to be funny, to be novel. As a result, it is none of these things because it riffs on tired ideas without anything new to contribute to those ideas. Even the odd inclusion of classical music (was that Barber of Seville? I genuinely have no idea because I’m so worn out from watch this show) seemed to try and elevate the show beyond your standard cross-cutting between plots.

Quick run down: Couple A has been married for a while and has lost their pizazz. Couple B is high-functioning and seemingly perfect (this is the Olivia Munn couple). Couple C is about to get married and looking for a new house. Husband A and C are Realtors (TM), while Husband B is a car dealer. I’m a bit unclear on what the wives do, though Wife A does something that has her working long hours and making a lot of money.

Which leads to the central conflict of the episode: When Wife A gets home, she goes into full on casual mode (gym clothes, no make-up, and the like), which upsets semi-layabout Husband A who feels like like his wife isn’t trying any longer, that she doesn’t care about the relationship. Wives B and C agree with Husband A, saying that she needs to maintain some standards of attractiveness for the sake of the relationship.  Deciding that they’re correct, Wife A cleans up and she and Husband A go on various romantic dates to rekindle their relationship.

Great. Except, as we all know, they’re exhausted by all the romance because, well, they don’t need to do it all the time. Once month may be enough for them. So their conflict is resolved as they realize they’re both too tired to be romantic. That seems healthy. But sure to stir up more drama for them. Maybe. Well, pseudo-drama anyway.

Meanwhile Couple C is trying to buy a new house as they’re about to get married. Husband C thinks he has bed bugs and is breaking out in rashes. Wife C think that he has commitment issues, and instead of telling Husband C she’s taking them to a therapist (recommended by Wife B), she lets him think they’re talking to a new Realtor (after Husband A didn’t work out for them). So, yes, ladies, dress up for your husbands for the sake of the relationship, but also lie to them when you need to go to couples counseling. That’s what makes Perfect Couples.

Couple B was trying to get onto Italian time because they didn’t want to suffer from jetlag on their vacation. It wasn’t very funny, but like Wife C, I approve of morning wine. In fact, I needed some wine after I finished this episode.

NBC’s biggest mistake with Perfect Couples is letting this preview air in 2010 so I can call it one of the worst shows of 2010. Thankfully, NBC told me when the show actually starts, but I’ve already forgotten. Which means I could accidentally watch it again. No one let this happen to me. Please…?

FINAL THOUGHTS

• A-hahaha. The moped isn’t as fast a Rascal. Classic.
• The husbands were video chatting about where Husband A should go eat and which tie he should wear on his first revitalizing date with Wife A. NO ONE DOES THIS.  It’s not funny. Don’t do that again.
• I liked one part: that Couple A lied about is being Wife A’s birthday to get a free dessert. That was a nice bit of business as I’m sure people do that.