Monsters of Television

“No, I will not make out with you.”

Pants!

One can’t really be a closeted Emma Stone fan if one keeps telling everyone about it. There’s some sort of shame in me for being attracted to Emma Stone, not for her level of talent or aesthetic or charismatic presence but, almost solely, for her age. She’s drinking age and almost a full four years above jailbait but, for some reason, I reflect on the fact that, when I turned drinking age, she was dropping out as a freshman in high school and convincing her parents to move to Hollywood. And while she started to get down to the work that eventually brought her to the SNL stage, I spent it putzing around Atlanta, squandering my youth.

The point is the girl was 14 and probably more mature than I was in 2002 and it’s this duality, maturity in youth (aided by a deep husk in her voice), I think, that I detect when I hear the sheepish admissions of men my age and later of a crush on the chick from Superbad. But this SNL sadly reminded me of another popular crushed upon female celebrity (one that people more emphatically admit to): Megan Fox.

Though the two figures don’t share much outside relative age range (Fox is only two years older) and being obsessions of GQ editors, their SNL stints were equally lackluster. My issue with Megan Fox’s run were the skits primarily based on her being either a prostitute, male fantasy character, or herself, and her roles were generally uninspired (she only speaks gibberish Russian-sound-alike in one). While Emma Stone was allowed to play more varied roles, the skits themselves were relatively uninspired and failed to use her ability, save two where she was stepped all over.

So here are some quick reviews of last night’s SNL, ranked good (“Easy A”), bad (“Easy C”), or ugly (“Easy Fail”). You’ll see the list is a bit lopsided.

Easy A

Monologue

I appreciated Emma Stone walking out onto stage in very Katherine Hepburn style. Again, my crush on the girl might bias my opinion of her addressing the nerds of the audience with “No, I will not make out with you.” The powerpoint presentation (starting with item #58) was good but the impressions of Jonah Hill and Michael Cera were pretty perfect. Not a gutbuster but well-executed. Also, just like Noel mentioned on Twitter last night, I get the message that Emma Stone is not going to make out with me either.

Jimmy McMillian

Outside of The Lonely Island as writers (and Kristen Wiig in small doses), Keenan Thompson is my favorite addition to SNL in years. He has great delivery for this show and is quick on his feet if something doesn’t work. He takes what could be a nightmare of a script (the repetition could have been torturous) and makes it work.

Easy C

Favre for Open Fly Wranglers

I get why people might have thought this was funny in the writers’ meeting. Didn’t play out right. Maybe in a different context other than the actual commercial. Would’ve been better if Brett Favre actually was in the sketch.

Souping

Like Noel said, there is, indeed, a good sketch in here but somehow it didn’t come out. Maybe they should study Onion News Network for tips on how to execute a sketch like this in half the time.

I Broke My Arm

Typically SNL Digital Shorts are pretty strong but this one, while catchy, doesn’t have the viral quality they usually have. At first I thought it was going to be like that Geico commercial about the pothole, but then it took a surreal turn as the grape jelly spill started dancing. I shouldn’t have to complain about grape jelly not having proper elocution and, yet, here I am.

Dream Home Extreme

One of two segments I thought Emma Stone was great for but was stepped all over. I can’t speak for everyone, but one of the reasons I’m attracted to Emma Stone’s star persona is her perceived nonchalance and deadpan delivery. So a segment dedicated to that role seemed to fit into her celebrity portfolio. Unfortunately, it was nestled in a scene built for Kristen Wiig’s vamping, a consistent source of terrible sketches. I don’t blame her at all for it, though. She’s just doing what she does and it’s funny in appropriate doses. But the segment seemed built to allow her time to step all over Emma Stone purposefully-down-played performance. I don’t know if it’s because the producers think that people love Kristen Wiig’s improvisation so much that they’re willing to sit through three minutes of her nonsensical, repetitive shoulder-pumping or if she gets all Jenna-from-30-Rock if she doesn’t have some time to hog at least one scene per show like this, but this could’ve been a lot funnier if someone had the balls to cut it down.

Easy Fail

Stefon

When the breaking is the only time I crack a smile in the whole thing, that’s not a good sign. The stereotype use, the subject matter, even the lists were boring. I would rather have had the whole thing done by Stefan Urquelle.

My Brother Knows Everything

I don’t know if Andy Samberg had other stuff to do this week and didn’t get time to pitch/write/be in sketches but he was severely underused, in no sketch more apparently than this one. In fact, kind of everyone was underused. Jokes didn’t land, situations were banal. But maybe this sketch wasn’t made for me. Maybe the segment was aimed solely at girls that had been little sisters to big brothers at least 6 years their senior. Seems like a niche market.

The View

This is the other segment I felt like Emma Stone had a chance to be great in but was trampled all over. Although, it was probably less of her being trampled on and more of SNL either playing it low-key since Lindsay Lohan has been a friend of the show or cutting her performance short in order to give Fred Armisen more opportunities to say “Who cares?” Either way, her impression of Lohan was pretty dead on and everyone else bugs me.

Budget Costumes

This is a common sketch for Keenan Thompson: a quirky personality selling something to the camera. Generally, at least for me, this is a system that works. I’m a big fan of the Burning Up the Bedsheets series. And here is where the Megan Fox/Emma Stone comparison comes back. Both women in their like segments (Burning up the Bedsheets for Megan Fox, this one with Emma Stone) are only accessories to the scene. The only difference is that Burning Up the Sheets would’ve been a strong sketch with or without Megan Fox (based on Keenan’s performance alone) and Budget Costumes would’ve been a weak one with or without Emma Stone (based on Keenan’s performance alone). To be fair, the latter had some pretty wretched writing and jokes that just were not at all funny but neither segment really utilized its host at all. The parts could’ve been played by extras. Get ready to not laugh.

Have anything to add, maybe about the sketches I was too bored with to actually say anything about? Let us know about it in the comments.