Monsters of Television

“I’m a faery? How fucking lame.”

My thoughts exactly, Sookie.

The faery’s out of the bag. The mystery behind “What is Sookie Stackhouse?” has been revealed and I’ve gotta say it’s pretty fucking stupid. I mean like “Who’s on the list?” and “Who’s Claire’s dad?” and every other Heroes mystery reveal stupid. A telepath with some sweet powers was enough of an explanation for me but when they started teasing there was more to Sookie than that I was pretty pumped for what the true source of her power was. All I was left thinking after this episode was “What the Puck?”.

That’s why her blood tastes so good. That’s why she has the powers that she does. That’s why everyone finds her so irresistible. Blah blah faery fuckin’ blah. I don’t know why the introduction of faeries to a show that includes vampires, werewolves, shifters, maenads, etc. upsets me so much but it does. It really does.

And it’s that terribly disappointing intro that set the tone for a somewhat meh overall episode. Even putting the faery business aside (which was very hard to do) “I Smell a Rat” sure smelled a lot worse than just a sewer dwelling rodent.

Lafayette makes use of his drug dealing past by healing Calvin’s wounds with some V he had at his house. Guess Jesús is a little thankful for it now. He must be because after the two are left alone he actually suggests they do some V together. Awesome, we’re gonna get some drugged up gay sex. Wrong.

Lafayette and Jesús start trippin’ balls. They they go on a wacky adventure through time, visiting members of their ancestry that dealt in the mystical. Turns out Lafayette has a conjurer in his bloodline. Jesús has an abuela who was a healer, specializing in fertility assistance. That’s nice. My “Jesús has no evil or ulterior motives in him” theory seemed to backed up by his gracious granny. But his sorcerer abuelo, known for a bit of dark arts dabbling, would seem to point in the opposite direction. The reason Jesús and his mom moved around so much was to get away from him. Apparently he has some dark plans for his grandson.

The scene seemed fun at first but dragged on for quite a while. Even with all the trippy effects and weird colors and body switching I got bored. And my theory is seemingly shot. And Sookie is a faery. Things just couldn’t get any worse.

Oh wait, Crystal is still around so they can get far worse.

After getting slapped as thanks for helping save her father’s life, Crystal chases her dad down and tells him she can’t go back with him. She doesn’t want to be forced to marry Felton, she doesn’t love him. She wants to experience life on the outside. Clayton says Jason will never accept what she is (he will as long as she’s not a fucking faery) and proclaims her dead to him. When next we see Crystal she is morphing from panther mode in Jason’s bedroom. And not even in a cool Voltron lion kind of way. Crystal is a shifter. Or at the very least a were-panther, which honestly is a gyp cause the ability to shift into any and all animals kinda trumps a one trick pony. Or in this case a one trick panther.

Oh hey, Lassie. What’s that, girl? Sam got some backstory? Kick ass! Huh? It’s about his randomly created problems of rage control? Go fuck yourself, Lassie. Sam Merlotte, another victim of this season’s “We don’t really know what to do with you this season” syndrome all the sudden has rage issues. While they do show that it’s happened before (he killed 2 people after a double cross back in his jewel thief days circa 2003) it still felt like it’s just something to say about Sam since he doesn’t really have a whole lot to do.

Now I like Sam. I really do. I really connected with him as the “nice guy who finishes last” in season one. And he had a great tie-in to the Big Bad of season two. Now all of the sudden he’s not really a major player and his storylines have all been muddled and disconnected in season three. So now he has a past of rage. Ok, I can appreciate that. The nice, responsible bar owner we know and love now used to be a thief and a killer. It’s interesting. It’s the placement and abruptness of said problem that makes it feel so random.

Tara and Jason are two other characters who I’ve felt have been lacking for the most part this season as well. So hey, why not connect the two? Jason and Tara bury Franklin’s body and burn his clothes together. She thanks him for saving her again and they get their kiss on. That was a long time coming. But the guilt of killing Eggs that’s been bubbling inside him finally boils over and he admits to it. Tara cries and runs off. Thanks Tara, I was beginning to wonder how I was gonna get my Kate fix what with LOST being over now and I guess you’ll fill the role. Congrats.

Oh, Holly’s a deus ex machina Wiccan. She’s gonna help Arlene get rid of her evil baby. There are 2 reasons why this is bad. One is Arlene finally told terry that the baby isn’t his but Terry, being the great guy that he is, said he doesn’t care. They’re gonna raise that baby together with love. Arlene now getting rid of said baby will probably upset Terry. The second thing is if they’re gonna go about this by way of magic, something is bound to go horribly wrong.

Ok I will admit I’m a little angry at this episode. But it’s True Blood so it can’t be all bad. And it wasn’t. There were a few things I did really enjoy. Pam and Eric had great story in this episode. Eric seems pretty convinced he’s going to die now that Russell has declared war so he draws up a will leaving everything he owns to Pam. Yvetta isn’t happy about that at all. Neither is Pam though. She sees this as a defeatist move and tries to convince Eric to think and to fight back. After settling his will, Eric kisses Sookie as (for some reason) his biggest regret should he die would be never having kissed her. Then he locks in her in the Fangtasia dungeon. Seems like Pam’s pleas got through and he’s going to make use of Sookie in the upcoming confrontation with Russell.

Speaking of Russell, his small part in the episode was one of the best. Still obviously distraught over the true death of Talbot, he finds solace in the arms of a young male prostitute. But it wasn’t the sexual healing he wanted, he wanted to be able to be there for Talbot in his final moments. So he stakes this human prostitute in the heart and apologizes to “Talbot”. A beautiful bit of vulnerable character work for Russell before he begins to terrorize everyone and everything.

Last but certainly not least: Jessica. The highlight of any episode. Not only does she stand up to Arlene and her blatant vampire hatred but it looks like we finally have a reconciliation with Hoyt. She turns down Tommy, who doesn’t take it so well, and is taken a bit of guard when Hoyt comes into Merlotte’s saying he broke up with Summer and he wants to be with her. When she can’t tell him she loves him back, Hoyt leaves. Tommy goes dog and attacks Hoyt in the parking lot but luckily Jessica comes out and saves him, letting him drink from her to heal his wounds. If that ain’t love then I don’t know what love is.

Someone convince me this whole faery thing isn’t as bad as it seems.

Final Thougts

• I like how Tara plays the race card all the time and now she is the one unfairly prejudiced against a certain people.
• Jason standing up to Bill and revoking his invitation to his house was a cool scene.
• A faery? Really?