Monsters of Television

Who’d a thunk it? Fox’s Gordon Ramsay-hosted cheeseball collection of recycled reality tropes, Master Chef, is ringing more authentic than Bravo’s Top Chef. Diagnosing the trouble with Top Chef this season has been a preoccupation of mine. But now they are moving into dangerous territory—where I dislike so many of the chefs that I no longer want any of them to win. Save one. More on my horse in this race after the jump…

I better just come out and say it—I am rooting for Angelo. Shocking? Perhaps. But he is heads and tails better than all these other contestants.  In fact before the program aired, an article in the Los Angeles Times noted that Angelo was the most famous of all the contestants, such that the article’s writer did not know exactly what Angelo had to gain from competing on the program. My own theory on this is that the solution to the mystery is pretty simple. Angelo loves food. If you take this as a genuine fact, then the rest of Angelo’s behavior makes sense. You know how he is always advising other chefs? That’s because he thinks it is fun to talk about food. The strange bit about the shrine of favorite chefs? Dude loves to learn about others who love food. He’s a true believer—a real zealot. And lucky for him, his talent justifies his devotion.

There is no debate about it—I bet Angelo’s greatest detractor would admit that his talent is undeniable. Watching these petty chefs

E tu, Tiffany?

relish his defeats has been toxic to the program’s integrity, and isn’t a sense of integrity what separate Bravo’s reality from other cable and network programs? Oh, wait, I’m describing a historical moment in Bravo’s history. With the Real Housewives (does anyone know how many versions of this format have now aired on Bravo?) and the loss of Project Runway, Bravo seems headed in a more sensational direction. “Sensation” apparently requires the ouster of good chefs (Arnold, Andrea, Kenny) while less good chefs (do I even have to name Alex and Amanda?) remain on the program to cause havoc and create drama.

Call me crazy, but I prefer integrity.

With Master Chef, you won’t find me declaring this show to be the model of integrity. As a Fox star, Ramsay understands that a certain about of drama is requisite for mega ratings. Yet as I’ve claimed before, Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen boasts a logic and consistency beneath all the fluff and silly editing. Similarly, Master Chef does seem to take seriously the abilities of its winner.

I’ve only made it through one hour of the program’s two-hour airing, but that’s okay because each one-hour installment stands on its own. This episode began with a mystery box challenge—that revealed the basic ingredients for a cupcake challenge. I was dying to look more closely inside that mystery box—do you think these contestants received a basic cupcake recipe? I mean, really, would you be able to bake without a recipe? Would you know whether to use baking soda or powder? I suspect these home cooks got to lean upon some sort of guide, though mistakes abounded nevertheless. For example, Doctor Tracy put her cupcakes in the oven too late, which means she had to ice hot cupcakes, leaving her creation a melted, sad-looking mess.

The top three were Sharone (who had never made a cupcake before), Jake (a clear “appearances can be deceiving” underdog), and Whitney (so young, sweet and sassy!). Hate to say it, but Whitney drives me bonkers. Maybe it is the accent, but her “charm” eludes me. Ramsay, however, is quite charmed by her; moreover, Mr. Tough Judge Joe Bastianich has conceded that Whitney is sharper than she seems, playing towards her strengths. Despite her good performance here, though, Sharone beat Whitney and Jake with his super yummy looking Nutella and hazelnut cupcake. Did you see the middle of that thing? It looked positively gooey—yum.

Sharone’s prize offered one of the highlights of this episode—he competed head to head with “Iron Chef” Cat Cora (wonder what Food Network thought of her competing on a Fox program…). If Sharone prepared Cora’s halibut recipe better than she did, he would advance straight to the final four. Quite the prize, and this little contest proved not only suspenseful but also delightful. Sharone’s clear deference to Cora, and their surprisingly friendly banter as they cooked, belied his reputation as a cocky ass. Sharone, alas, did not beat Cora, but he held his own—an accomplishment in itself. The key distinction between the dishes? Cora seasoned like a pro. And of course, she is a professional, so that makes sense. But it also demonstrates that these wannabe “Master Chef” contestants are not nearly at the level of a Ramsay or a Cora.

So why give the winner a cookbook? I’m sorry, but I am going to keep coming back to this point until I finally understand why this prize makes sense.  Just who is going to buy this cookbook and why? Personality is the only motivating factor I can think of that would motivate another home cook to seek the advice of a…peer…instead of a professional like Cora. Is Whitney’s youthful girliness enough to make home cooks across America want to cook like her? Is Jake’s biker image able to sell his deft handling of a chef’s knife? Jury is still out on my original question about how the program plans to test contestants on their writing and recipe testing skills….

Cora’s presence on the show did answer another question—would the judges mentor the home cooks? Indeed, yes. Cora demonstrated for all the contestants her technique in preparing the halibut dish. All they had to do was copy her methods. Contestant Jake noted that watching Cora test the heat level of the saute pan by lightly touching the fish to it exhibits the type of invaluable experience these home cooks are gaining. Cora’s advice results from years of experience—perhaps advancing all the chef’s abilities to cook fish and to make a sauce.

Whitney faltered in this challenge—an unfortunate pattern developing in which she excels in the “quick fire” type challenge but fails to win a spot in the top three with the final challenge. Her inconsistency may derive from her youth and inexperience—we’ll havev to wait and see. But I wouldn’t bet against her just yet. Jake once again rose the top, with likeable Faruq hitting the road. Though Faruq’s dish likely was not the worst of the day, his repeated appearance in the bottom three confirmed the judges’ decision to send him home.

And once again we come to the matter of a competition program proving a logic to its victors and its losers–rather, Top Chef failing to do so.  Amanda was finally sent home on Top Chef. Though this week was definitely not her worst, her ouster was not only not surprising but was also long overdue. Amanda repeatedly made a great sauce but failed to properly prepare her protein. She would tell the camera her insecurities about her food and then appear shocked when the judges issued a similar critique. The best I can say about Amanda is that she knew she was an unlikely winner. But she failed to endear herself to her fellow contestants and she certainly won’t be in the running for “Fan Favorite.”

Despite her obvious lack of greatness, Amanda made it to the final 6.  Let me say that again–Amanda was in the final 6.  That put her two steps from the final four.  I feel a bit like how I did when Palin was running for VP–with one old guy between her and the presidency.  Seriously, Top Chef?  Amanda is the best you can offer us?  Shameful.  Until Top Chef decides to to create challenges that encourage the chefs to do their best and to display their best, it will never recapture some of its greatest past moments.

The most likely “Fan Favorite” is Tiffany, who in past weeks has managed to remain above the fray. This week, however, she dropped right into the muck by accusing Angelo of being disingenuous in front of the judges. This attack derived from a confusing series of events that the program’s editing likely did little to make less confusing. All the contestants had to work as a team, preparing gourmet ball park food at a baseball game. When the contestants realized that someone needed to take the customer orders at the game, no one jumped up to claim the role—a role that would likely make vulnerable any chef needing time to complete cooking and preparing his/her dish.

Angelo eventually stepped up, but moments before the customers arrived, he became worried that he was giving up his edge. Angelo suggested that each team member field his/her own contestants—and Kevin reacted like Angelo had stabbed all the team in the back. Mind you, Kevin had no intention of sacrificing his own food for the team, but somehow he felt pretty justified berating Angelo and otherwise acting like a prick. It wasn’t Kevin, however, who called out Angelo in front of the judges—that was Tiffany, who seemed offended that Angelo was taking credit—for doing exactly what he did do—for leaving the preparation of his dish to magnanimous Ed while Angelo fielded orders for the entire group.

Now, I’m an unapologetic Angelo fan, so my take on this is, perhaps, biased. But a deeper issue here is that Top Chef frequently asks contestants to take one for the team but then fails to credit them for it. If, as they told Kenny during “Restaurant Wars,” the judges care about how the food tastes, not how the food came to taste good, then why would anyone ever step up to serve at the front of house during restaurant wars? Why would any contestant try to be a team member? Why would Angelo offer to greet the customers? Top Chef is not about working as a team, so team challenges inevitably ask a chef to sacrifice his or her own chances of winning. Seems a strange way to design a challenge meant to find a truly great cook. Perhaps, one might say, a challenge that lacks integrity.