Monsters of Television

“You have a nice little practice going?”
“I do all right.”

“How do you expect to fool them into thinking it’s me?”
“By using another black man and the assumption that all black men look the same to the upper-middle class.”
“That’s dash cunning.”
“We know.

So White Collar is starting to remind me of Chuck and it’s not just the Bryce Larkin connection.

Chuck has been a spy for over three years now and, though he’s supposed to be a “secret” agent, he’s been implicating his friends and family into his web of subterfuge and awkwardness little by little since then. The very people he explicitly stated that he never wanted to affect with the job that fell in his lap are now either knowledgeable of what Chuck does or actively participate in missions, exposed to danger exacted by enemy agents and even Chuck himself.

While I don’t think Neal is carelessly exposing his loved ones to danger, he does implicate his criminal friends into FBI cases and missions in exchange for immunity, passes, and what I can only assume is healthy compensation from Uncle Sam.  Mozzie doesn’t seem like the type to work pro bono for the Suits. And now even Alex is involved.

Who’s next? June? Dead Kate Who Is Not Really Dead? Is there anyone Neal has left in his life that is still a criminal? And, if not, with his solving crime and everyone he knows being in cahoots with the Law, what gray area is left for him to raise the stakes?

This episode is one of the strongest of the season because it brings out the best in everyone: Neal’s ego, Peter’s sympathy for Neal’s friends, Jones and his ability to fool people with a pair of sunglasses. No, he does. There’s a plan for Jones to impersonate a man he looks nothing like but fools everyone because he’s wearing sunglasses and, I think, it works based solely on racial profiling in the story-world. “Just send in a black guy. No one will know the difference.” You and I know he’s Jones just wearing sunglasses but to white-bread students of minor affluence, he’s Russell Smith, Bad Guy.

The plot to this one is that a college professor teaching criminology is teaching a select group of exceptional students how to copycat. On the syllabus: Neal Caffrey (hence the horrible episode title). So, of course, they send the man with swollen self-importance to get the professor to make a mistake. He does, eventually, as the FBI cleverly uses some treasure Russell Smith, Bad Guy, was trying to off and then smoking him out with threat of a mob hit. Prof goes to Alex as a fence and the Law pounces. Easy as pie.

Why I keep emphasizing that Russell Smith is a Bad Guy is because, one, he’s a familiar face notably known as a good guy (looked like Michael Boatman or a Michael Boatman imposter), and, two, they spend a good part of the first half hour villainizing him as a guy that’s after Alex. Neal hatches a plot to use Russell’s treasure as bait for the Professor and Smith is anticlimatically taken down. Also, easy as pie.

What’s interesting to this episode is what feels like an afterthought tag at the end. They have this obsessive need to create a seasonal arc or something and keep bringing up the music box (which, by the way, is a hard thing to convince your friends is a serious part of the show). The general feel is that Alex is being hunted for her knowledge of the music box so, obviously, Neal is next since everyone thinks he lifted the thing. I liked her character last season, especially since it briefly took Neal’s mind off Kate, and they had a lot of chemistry together. But — do you remember that Friends episode where Joey told Chandler that if there aren’t any sparks on stage, it means they’re making the sparks fly off stage? I think Matty Bomer and Gloria Votsis must have had a wild spring together because their screen-time was pretty flat this go around. Mozzie says that Alex is backing off because she probably doesn’t want to see Neal heartbroken about Kate but I think that’s just me looking for some excuse for the lack of sparks. Besides, Neal hasn’t really been all that heartbroken about Kate. Remember him in the beginning of the first season, all mopey and impetuous? And that was just about her being kidnapped. The girl is dead (allegedly) and Neal hasn’t really missed a step.

I was looking forward to seeing Alex a little more and, now that she’s implicated as one of those “reformed but not really reformed and kind of faking it” criminals with whom Neal associates, it opens the door for her return and not having to be all Secret Squirrel. I would love to see her and Neal start something up again, kind of like the painful, passionate, dysfunctional partnership Weston and Fi “enjoy” on Burn Notice only to find out that Kate is (gasp!) not really dead. Is that too obvious a storyline to anticipate? Probably. But it’s beach-reading, my friend!

So: the music box. I don’t think they really want you to care about actual web of intrigue that desires the thing, who wants it, blah blah blah. This is more like Let’s Make a Deal with Monty Hall (because eff a lot of Wayne Brady). Do people really want what’s inside the box rather than what’s behind the door? I think people just really want to know what’s inside the box, not necessarily want what comes out of it. I don’t think what’s inside the box is going to be a game-changer or anything. I just want to know what’s inside because they’ve been hyping it up so much. I don’t care about the “mystery man” that was supposed to meet Fowler. I don’t really want to know who’s on top of the chain of command for this operation. Just show me what’s inside the box. Now that Neal has the key (which I think Alex surrendered all too easily), we have to wait until either he figures out that Peter has the box or Peter realizes Neal has what he needs. Did I write that sentence just so I could write “Peter has the box?” Yes. Because I’m twelve.

Next week: let’s hope for some more Mozzie and Peter scenes. The mob hit thing over the microphone didn’t satisfy my craving.