Monsters of Television

“I am currently having a drinking problem.”

How mad do you think this guy was when Phillip Seymour Hoffman made it big?

I seriously just about gave up on this series.

I’ve already talked about how confused it is, hiring comedic actors to play dramatic roles on a series sold as a dramedy leaning more toward the “edy” than the “dram.” One week it’s all about the city being important as setting and the next week we switch to Mayberry instead of a unique metropolitan area. “Love Me Tender” starts off Dwight’s intuition running rampant as he observes a jumper (yes, apparently detectives get called on the scene for negotiation scenes, too) and, from his mismatched socks and still wearing a ring, calls that the guy wants to kill himself over a woman. I mean, the dude’s socks might as well have lit up non-diegetically after a quick push-in. So on top of this mess, we’re going to throw a little bit of Psych and The Mentalist (the Psychalist?), too? The episode goes on to half-assedly imitate a police procedural (specifically SVU without the charisma) and, somehow, make Southerners looks soft on crime (I’ll get into the details after the jump).

What’s more frustrating is that my hypothesis from my review of “Baby, Let’s Play House” doesn’t really pan out here since the lyrics of “Love Me Tender” don’t apply. There is a couple and, possibly, they might like the song. That’s about all the nuance this episode could muster.

I watched this with someone that hadn’t seen an episode before and felt compelled to apologize for that mess.

But then “Polk Salad Annie” showed me a glimmer of hope. A faint glimmer but some shiny bit of possibility all the same. It was like a show that finally coalesced, the puzzle pieces fitting together from all angles. It felt like they might actually be in Memphis. The detectives were investigating a case they belonged on. And it had comedy. And not just comedy but comedy that utilized the peculiarities of the comedic actors properly (for the most part). It wasn’t perfect but it was something. I’m looking for anything now.

Because “Love Me Tender” was bad, dude. The plot revolved around a beauty pageant for teenage girls where one of the contestants turns up missing. Within the scope of the investigation: a questionably, occasionally-drunken judge with a history of being handsy; a child being locked in a shed; military personnel scamming on high school girls; the children of affluent society covering each other’s trails. Sounds like a case Liv and El should be working, right? Somehow, despite the horrible circumstances, the events seem to lack the gravity necessary for anything to land and, in the end, despite what could be kidnapping charges and borderline statutory rape, they let “these kids” go because they deserve a chance to be together. Could you imagine if Eliot Stabler found himself in an interrogation room with a military man that impregnated a girl that was barely 17? But it’s probably the proper fruit born from a tree that is already diseased and weak as it is. Also: no mention of bringing charges against the parents.

It wasn’t necessarily the weak storyline that made me upset as it was how nothing clicks on this show. The relationship between Whitehead and Hendricks is almost never funny. Lieutenant Rice, who started the show inconsistent, is falling down on the softer side of the law rather than striking a balance. Jokes like how giant Sgt. Lightfoot keeps tranquil after being stabbed by his wife fall flat despite having some potential. I don’t want to assume anything about the people that work on that show (although I think that’s my job here) but it’s like the writers aren’t trying very hard or maybe there isn’t a lot of experience in that room. All the potential of the show is left like a mess on the floor.

“Stop the macking immediately.”

“Why did I agree to do Road Trip Deliverance?”

But then “Polk Salad Annie” came along. The story of a local legend in Memphis BBQ (a culinary sect unto itself) being stabbed in a crowded cook-off offered enough turns to make it interesting and several opportunities for the actors in this thing to finally use some of those chops. DJ Qualls is finally used in that awkward way that he has the spirit for and Jason Lee — well.

I’ve been following Jason Lee for a while and hate to have to compare his role to the property that made him the most popular. But he does seem a bit Earl-esque as a Memphis detective. He embodies all the morality and specific Southern charm that is exuded from My Name is Earl without the criminal past and chances for slapstick. He definitely uses the same voice, a drawl that is of questionable region. More importantly, Lee arrives, once again, as a ringleader to a group of slower cohorts with big hearts. Previous episodes have shown him walking a fine line between being a complete mess and being the person to whom everyone else on the looks for strength and example. He’s a good cop (sometimes a bit psychic) and a good person trying to do right. I tried to draw the comparison to Banky but I don’t foresee Hendricks agreeing to a threesome with Alex and Whitehead to relieve their imagined sexual tension anytime soon.

The scenes that particularly remind me of My Name is Earl are those where Sutton (DJ Qualls) goes undercover to woo Fat Red’s would-be assassin employer with Dwight in his ear. If Earl could stop being goofy for a little bit and collect himself a little better, he would be Dwight: morally and experientially superior while maintaining a Southern elegance and ego-disguised-as-humility (as opposed to the trailer park “elegance” Earl showed). The comedy was funnier here and the emotions landed. Like I said, it wasn’t perfect but it showed potential.

And, on top of all that, “Polk Salad Annie” the song provided a bit of nuance to an episode where a neglected sister is colored by a song about a woman from a poor family having to fend for herself. It’s obvious that episodes are written based on chosen songs. Which, of course, makes me more angry about “Love Me Tender” being wasted on the episode that it was since none of that emotion was present. But hopefully episodes in the future will lean more toward “Polk Salad Annie” and not waste good Elvis properties on shoddy writing.

So my lukewarm interest in the show has been renewed. It’s never run hot but it’s just interesting enough that I want to see where this is going. The seasonal arcs are weaker than the those during the first season of House but, if they can make these characters interesting, it won’t matter much. They need to shake things up a little bit I think. And by shaking them up, I mean they need to get rid of the Whitehead-Hendricks partnership. That thing is dead in the water. But they also need to have a better dedication to the craft of telling a story because, right now, these episodes are disasters. And it’s about the South. If you’re going to spin a yarn, you need to come correct.