Monsters of Television

“If you plan on rescuing a vampire during daylight I have seriously overestimated your intelligence.”

Ensemble casts are great, but they can be a bitch to keep in check. In just three episodes True Blood has introduced a number of new faces this season and it’s started to spread everyone, both old and new, relatively thin. Of course during a show’s run certain characters are going to have to sit in the backseat from time to time (isn’t that right Chase and Cameron from House M.D.?) but everyone at once?

The first two episodes of the season were shot out of a high-speed cannon, hurtling us right into the story. But after “It Hurts Me Too” we’re left to pick up the little pieces of story and character shrapnel spread out all over the place. And they’re very little pieces. Now this isn’t to say the episode was bad, it wasn’t, there is just so much going on with so many different people that everything feels rushed. It doesn’t help that not everyone has an interesting storyline either. Let’s start with some of our newcomers.

We’re finally introduced to Alcide! The inclusion of this character has been hyped before this season even started. I was wondering how we were going to end up with a werewolf as a protagonist…and it was so easy I never even saw it as a possibility. He works for Eric. Why? Because Eric gave his father a loan and now to pay off his father’s debt Alcide has agreed to help Sookie and keep her safe while she searches for Bill. Eh, kind of a lame way to bring in a new important character. But he does have another connection. His ex-girlfriend Debbie is now dating the leader of the wolfpack responsible for kidnapping Bill. Excuse me, she’s engaged to him. And the engagement party is being held at the werewolves answer to Fangtasia that Sookie and Alcide end up at. Looks like our new duo has some party crashing to do next episode.

Able to put a name to a face at last, we have Franklin. He is the one who ransacked Bill and Jessica’s home last episode as well as helped Tara beat up some rednecks. Now, after said redneck bashing, the two have sex. He begins to ask her questions and in typical Tara fashion she freaks and leaves. This is what Tara’s character has been reduced to. Well can you call it reduced to when it’s been the same forever? Tara bangs a guy, runs away, cusses and cries. She serves no real purpose and I hope they either give her one quick or kill her off. But it’s not getting to know Tara that Franklin actually wants anyway. He’s tryin’ to get info on Sookie.

Franklin later shows up at Bill and Jessica’s and after a little vampire lesson (vamps only need to be invited in to enter human homes) he pulls out the head of the trucker Jess killed. This confirms he’s was the booted bandit who ransacked the house and took the body in last week’s episode. Now that he’s helped Jessica out with her problem he needs her help. He wants to know everything she knows about Bill. Next we find him at Sookie and Tara’s, having gotten a lot of info out of Jessica. And Tara isn’t thrilled to see him at all. He glamors her and she invites him in. Who knows what new information he’ll get out of her? And who knows what his motives are yet? Not us. He has no allegiance to Bill or Eric (that we know of). Could he work for Sophie-Anne? Russel? At the rate the show is going he works for someone else we haven’t even met yet.

So remember those fleeting mentions of Sookie and Jessica from above? Yeah, that’s because they didn’t do a whole lot else in the episode. Sookie helped Eric bury the werewolf that attacked her after Eric killed him. Then she paid for a tiny funeral for Eggs that she attended with Tara. Jessica called Pam (I knew this “friendship” would continue) freaking out about the dead trucker’s missing body. “So the problem you have is that there is no dead body in your house?” Pam may not be doing much since being bumped up to the main cast but she certainly brings the sass in any scene she is in.

Now the Jason story that I abhorred in speculation has come to be. He’s training to become a cop. The universe has shown him his destiny. Great. Hoyt helps him study for the written exam by asking him questions from a practice test but he doesn’t know the answers to any of them. He says he has all the training he needs. And if it’s on the practice exam, it’s not on the real one. “Everyone knows that.” Well he’s not as ready as he thinks because he has a nightmare about taking the test (all the text is in Chinese) with no pants and everyone laughing at him. His classmates also have the bullet holes in their foreheads that Jason keeps seeing. He ends up burning his application. Good, I hope this is the last we see of this story.

But I doubt it will be. The headless body of the trucker Jessica killed is found in a drainage ditch by Hoyt. Andy notes the tear marks, the head was ripped off. Must’ve been a vampire. Bud has had it with this shit. He quits right there on the spot. “Every time we clear one murder two more spring up. It’s like crabgrass.” My thinking: new town hero Andy is gonna step up and be the new Sheriff. And he’s going to appoint new “best friend” Jason to the force. Which works since he’d probably fail the exam on his own if he did take it.

Eric shows up at Lafayette’s house. Lafayette fires off the excuses on how even at half price V  is still expensive and he’s doing what he can to move the product. But Eric isn’t there to reprimand him. He’s there to give him a gift, the nice convertible he’s sitting in. Eric tells him how valuable he is, how he has a great opportunity to do more, make more money. Lafayette refuses at first, but says he’ll think about it. This scene points to so much potential. This pairing (and the inclusion of Pam in the workings) is so interesting. And it could turn out to be important due to the relation to Queen Sophie-Anne. Let’s hope it yields good results because the characters involved certainly deserve it.

Arlene finds out she’s nine weeks pregnant. But she hasn’t been with Terry that long. Uh oh, looks like she’s carrying Rene’s baby. In case you’ve forgotten: Rene was Arlene’s fiance from the first season. He was also a serial killer who murdered vampire lovers and sympathizers before Sookie killed him in the finale. Arlene eventually tells Terry she’s pregnant but hides the fact that the baby is not his. Too bad Rene was human. If Arlene were carrying some sort of demon spawn that would make this potential storyline far more interesting than the As the World Turns flavor it seems to be.

Sam’s quest to find his family story has petered out as well. He confronts Tommy about trying to have him killed. And by confront I mean tell him he didn’t appreciate it and then drop it. Sam returns to Bon Temps and his family shows up shortly after to check out Merlotte’s. He treats his kin to a free meal but they leave after am and his father argue about letting the underage Tommy take shots. Boring. Between this and the Arlene story it seems like Merlotte’s is a restaurant on Wisteria Lane instead of Bon Temps. At the end of the episode Sam does find a bird ransacking his office. Could it have been Tommy? Or his mom who is also a shifter? Whoever it is I hope they give Sam something to do now that he’s seemingly exhausted his seasonal arc.

That brings us to Bill. I don’t like Bill. I find him boring and whiny although I do dig his accent. However, Bill was who I enjoyed the most in this episode. The writers really dove into his past to bring about change in the present and move his story along nicely. Flashback nightmares showed us Bill in 1868 returning home to his wife and children. He finds his daughter has been sent away and his son has died. His wife Caroline freaks out (understandably so) upon learning he’s a vampire. The cold skin and blood tears kinda gave that away. She shoots him in the shoulder and he heals pretty instantly. As Caroline runs out Lorena grabs her. Caroline pleads to be killed as she can’t bear this anymore and Bill is about to do it but Lorena tells him to stop.

A second flashback continues where the last left off. Lorena tells Bill that he has only brought suffering to his family. The human world and vampire world should remain separate. Lorena makes Bill glamor her to forget. He brought this pain upon her, he must undo it. “The only way to show your love for a human is to stay away. Forever. Do you understand now?”

It’s this lesson that causes Bill to agree to help Russel. He pledges loyalty to him and in return Sookie will be left alone. Lorena applauds Bill for his deception, she doesn’t believe his allegiance to the King for a second. Bill says she’s the one that taught him they can only bring suffering upon humans. He had to do this to keep Sookie safe. She may have won but he will never love her. Lorena tries to kiss him and she throws her off of him and onto the bed.

What follows is one of the oddest, most twisted scenes in the show’s history. Bill mounts Lorena, rips her shirt off, and at Lorena’s maker command begins to have sex with her. Angry, hateful sex. Mid rage-fuck Bill snaps Lorena’s neck and turns her head 180 degrees so she cannot look at him. She seems to like it though as she proclaims her love for him through bloody, gritted teeth. What the hell, True Blood? The show loves to be a topic of discussion and that is most certainly a water-cooler worthy end to an otherwise mediocre episode.

Now imagine trying to fit all of this information and more into 60 minutes. You’re gonna be switching scenes every 60 seconds. There’s just so much to get through. And again, when not all of it’s good you really take notice. Like precious time and character development are being wasted. Some characters just end up feeling like filler. Hopefully more stories start shaping up and/or coming together, which I feel they will. It’s still early on and even if the season does knit together in the end it’s a shame to have it unravel in the middle first.

No new episode next week. The next new episode, “9 Crimes”, will air on July 11th.

Final Thoughts

• Hey Twilight people: I get it now. Jessica threateningly showing her fangs is my new favorite thing in life. Well, Jessica as a whole is my new favorite thing in life.
• Yvetta is involved in something sexual in every scene she is in. Fangtasia must be one great place to work.