Monsters of Television

“I know it’s a homoerotic Christian theater cult, but if it gets me into Hollywood who cares? It can’t be worse than Scientology.“

Finally.

I like to think that Aaron McGruder reads these reviews personally and takes the praises (and more recently criticisms) to heart. This week’s episode proved that he does because he is back to the biting satire and on-point humor the show has been lacking the past 2 weeks. And he didn’t just copy some internet video to do it.  The target of this week’s episode: Tyler Perry and his odd, tyrannical reign over black entertainment. That’s the ticket McGruder, go after someone I hate and I’ll let you right back into my heart. Pause. No homo.

Winston Jerome is a very prominent playwright/actor/director. His plays typically feature the same actors in slightly tweaked roles that go through the same cookie cutter trials and tribulations to come to the same conclusions. And then Ma Dukes dances around and says stupid shit. Then those plays are turned into movies. And those movies become television series. Sound familiar? It’s Tyler Perry.

For reasons science still has yet to explain, Tyler Perry is wildly popular. People (primarily of the African-American persuasion) just eat his stuff up. My most popular theories on the matter include mass mind control or some sort of pact with Satan. But Tyler Perry is a Christian, he walks with Jesus, how can he have sold his soul for his nonsensical success? “Pause” tells us how.

Robert is trying out for Winston’s new play Ma Dukes Finds a Man. He’s going out for the love interest of Ma Dukes (the show’s version of Madea). Riley and Huey read the script (“It was really, really terrible by the way.”) and Riley can’t get over the fact that he’s going to be playing a dude’s boyfriend.

One of the greatest exchanges the show has had takes place when Riley is trying to teach Robert about the phrase “no homo.” Don’t know it? Whenever someone says something that can be construed as gay, you have to pause and say “no homo.” As Riley so eloquently puts it: “If it sound gay, it’s gay and you gotta say no homo. How I know you not a homo, granddad, if you don’t say no homo?” But Robert doesn’t care, this could be his ticket to fame and bitches. And really, what more could you want from life?

Robert lands the role and is quickly taken under Winston’s wing. He tells him how Jesus speaks to him, tells him that if he wants to make plays women will flock to, he must find the world’s sexiest black men. If he wants to further spread the word of Jesus, he should incorporate cross dressing. And here we have the birth of the evil that is Tyler Perry Winston Jerome. Ever since, Winston has been working on building his empire so that he may crush Ice Cube and reign supreme over black entertainment. Really? Is Ice Cube considered the emperor of our (term used loosely) entertainment? No wonder UPN died such a fiery death. You’re next, increasingly African-American friendly TBS.

Before inducting Robert as a part of the theater group he forces him to his knees and makes him confess his belief in Jesus, his belief that Winston is the Jesus of the film and television industry, and denounce Ice Cube and all of his films (including Friday). It’s tough, but Robert agrees. He later joins Winston and the rest of the cast and crew at Winston’s compound. He’s greeted with a big gay musical number (an excellent nod to The Rocky Horror Picture Show) all about cross dressing and Jesus.

But it’s not just Jesus that is the reason for Winston’s questionable activities. It’s about the art. He is an actor, a straight actor. But when he dons that wig and that dress and those giant fake breasts, he becomes Ma Dukes. He takes her mannerisms, her desires, everything. So it’s not gay when he’s acting. I applaud your devotion, Winston, but that is some seriously debatable rationalizing you’re doing there.

Robert is forced to cut off all ties with his family and live on the compound with the rest of the group to rehearse and perform. When Huey and Riley get wind of this they head to the compound to free him. The boys have a short fight with some of Winston’s well oiled sexy black men before Robert puts a stop to things. He tells the boys he’s staying at the compound. He doesn’t care that he’s entered some weird homoerotic cult if it gets him what he wants. He’s making his own deal with the devil.

Two weeks later the show opens and is a huge success. Winston has just sold the rights for the play to become a movie (as is expected of all things in the Tyler Perry Machine) and he wants Robert to star in the film as well! The only catch is Robert has to sleep with him first. With a big “Fuck you” Robert walks out. And there it is. This entire “empire” is nothing more than a front so that Winston can have sex with men.

Now let’s review. Winston Jerome is a Christian cross dressing actor/director/writer who has been guided by Jesus to take over black entertainment but in reality it’s all a front to have sex with men. Tyler Perry is a Christian actor/director/writer (if one can truly call him any of those) who already has taken over black entertainment. Conclusion: Tyler Perry wants to have sex with men. See science, not that hard.

Tyler Perry has gone through a lot of controversy from the claims that he is in fact gay to how he hates black people and only exploits them because they’re easy. Who knows? All I’m saying (and McGruder as well) is look at the facts. Mr. McGruder, welcome back. We’ve missed you.

Final Thoughts:

• The Kool-Aid references were great not only because of the cult connection but, you know, black people love Kool-Aid.
• Riley sneaking a camera in to the premiere to tape it made me giggle.
• Black entertainment needs a real savior. I’m coming. Pause. No homo.