Monsters of Television

“He can’t tell his fiancee he’s gay … how is he going to tell her he’s pregnant?”

Men of Team House singing karaoke. Taub doesn’t count.

After giving Taub such a hard time last week, several of my friends told me I should probably take it easy on the poor guy. It’s not his fault that he’s weak and tiny, desperate to validate his achievements through some coworker strange. My friend Ian reminded me he’s the only human left on the show. That’s a good point. Everyone else on the show has vaulted to a point where their once human quirks are now tragic flaws. I mean, Chase killed a dude and possibly saved a country in one episode. There is a legacy around the development of Foreman, Thirteen, and Chase, putting them on tall pedestals from which they can judge and orchestrate things below. Between them, there is almost a mythology. Taub, on the other hand, is human. His flaws are petty, almost pedestrian, by comparison to Thirteen’s self-destructive streak or Foreman’s denial of his past. Taub’s biggest trouble is keeping it in his pants and coping with being a bad liar. He also has to stand against the Greek gods and goddess aesthetically and there’s not much the poor guy can do. Which, of course, makes him a target.

It’s been a while since House took his “relentless torture” game on the road. He’s mostly kept it domestic this season what with his preoccupation in Wilson and Sam. Taub gets flustered easily and, despite his prediliction to this behavior, is not very good at it. So House rides the easy target like he rode everyone in the old days, with a mastery and cunning that almost seems sleepy when compared to his larger triumphs. It’s good to see House returning to the days when was addic– oh no.

So we know there’s a problem when he wakes up in the bed of his four-year old neighbor. This is the kind of behavior that we expected from the old House, not post-rehab. So, even as casual entrants into the life of Gregory House, we know he’s back on something. Somehow, though, his closest friends don’t see it happening and, worse, take him out to places where pain-numbing vices are readily available. When the police (security guards maybe?) bring him to his apartment and Wilson lets him in, you would assume Wilson would jump to the “relapse” conclusion and yet he doesn’t. I suppose you could argue Wilson is heavily involved with Sam and can only see House as a burden and not as a heavily-disturbed former drug-addict in need of help.

So Wilson pays off his staff to take him out on the town and out of the apartment. The thing about Team House is that they are all naturally inquisitive so you’d think they might all ask, “What prompted this?” And then Wilson would be like, “Oh, he woke up in our neighbor’s rocket ship sheets last night.” And they, as not-as-self-absorbed physicians would be like, “Do you think he’s relapsed?” But no. No one questions it. It’s like watching Lost take place at a teaching hospital.

The members of Team House each have their own way of asking him out. Taub invites him to dinner, which he also tries to use as a cover for his cheating, thus the beginning of House messing with him. Thirteen smartly invites him to a lesbian bar (because who could resist?) which turns out to be the swankiest lesbian bar I’ve ever seen (I’ve not seen many) and a place where not only does Thirteen not have to buy her drinks but has several bought for her at a time (and fair enough). Foreman and Chase dispense with the pretense and invite him to karaoke when it’s their turn. All of the above have equal access to what? Booze. Lots and lots of booze. I know he was addicted to pills and not alcohol but, without the pills, wouldn’t you think he might substitute one for the other? I’m not a medical professional but you would think a diagnostic physician might start putting puzzle pieces together, especially after the last couple weeks where Foreman has suggested that House’s pain is coming back.

In any case, the patient (oh right! A-story!), a young man about to get married and suffering for a battery of unexplained weirdness, turns out to have a past gay life which prompts many a gay joke from our fearless leader but also a bit of indignation from Thirteen. Thirteen, defender of Love, hyper-attractive bisexual doctor, live-and-let-live unless you interfere in the romance, is horrified that this gay man is living a lie and planning on marrying a woman he cannot be satisfied with on account of his desire for a manly touch. This is the same Thirteen that ridiculed Taub last week for not taking advantage of his Golden Ticket (to capitalize on an open marriage). Where does she draw her lines? So what if he doesn’t think he’s straight and ends up having gay sex on the side while still feeling in love with his wife? What’s the difference between this situation and Taub’s? It’s the openness she feels is important. Taub was going to openly have sex with another woman. Patient’s (inevitable) alternate sex life would have to be kept a secret since she would have nothing to do with that. So what does Thirteen think about Taub now that he’s diddling a girl on the side without his wife’s knowledge? “It sucks what he’s doing to [his wife], too, but it’s hardly the same.” To her, gayness is an identity and being a philanderer is not. To deny your gayness is wrong; to deny your “need” as a philanderer is something people do all the time. Not sure I agree that gayness and compulsive adultery can be on the same level (since you can still compulsively cheat in a gay relationship) but that’s the conversation they have. In any case, she ignores his warning signs just like everyone else.

At the end of the day, after he solves his case (I’ll leave all the medical stuff to someone like Scott at Political Dissent since my posts are long enough as it is), Cuddy invites House for a night out, sans-Lucas. It’s questionable whether or not Wilson put her up to it but he turns her down anyway. Cuddy says she wants them to be friends and House grumbles (though audibly so she can hear it) that “friends” is the last thing he wants to be with her. Good for House there, I think. Admitting what he wants in his weird, self-loathing way. There’s an odd eyeline match moment before she leaves (pictured below):

When they get stylized like this, you know it’s about to jump off.

Then he pulls out the secret booze from his drawer. So we now, officially, have a soon-to-be hard-boiled, boozin’ House. Can they make alcohol addiction as interesting as they made narcotics? Will we see pink elephants instead of visions of Amber and Kutner? Episodes are starting to pick up a little bit and the 5D finale is only two weeks away.