Monsters of Television

“Time to get into character.”

I’m not even sure how Diane Neal has any hair left.

One can say there are many themes to this show. Maybe it’s to create a new kind of buddy cop/detective story, a “bromance” (even typing the word puts a foul taste in my mouth) of sorts between past enemies learning from one another. Or it’s about the true meaning of “thick as thieves” growing beyond the criminal aspect and into the bonds all people share. Or maybe it’s all just Matt Bomer starring in sartorial and haberdashery porn. It’s all of these things. But, at the very heart of the show, White Collar is about the morality of Neal Caffrey.

This is no surprise to anyone that’s seen an episode of this ending-too-soon first season but this is the episode that most deftly negotiated the different aspects of Neal’s life: the sharp criminal mind, the heart of gold, and the gray moral ground those two things occupy.

The episode starts with an offer. Neal has been tracking down this music box for a few episodes, mercifully giving another name to his mission of rescuing Kate. For a while, he was saying the name “Kate” so much, I was pretty sure Pee Wee Herman was right and he was actually going to wear it out. Alex, another pretty brunette (the producers just are not into blondes), his spurned ex-lover/partner, has the location of the music box but won’t work with a Fed. To prove himself, he has to get rid of the anklet by the next evening. If this were any other show you might wonder, “How the heck is he going to do that?” But this is Neal so, really, you just have to wonder how it’s just going to work out in his favor. Turns out the Feds are going to do it for him.

A red-headed Diane Neal guest stars as the Peter Burke of the Kidnap squad. Her last name is either Rice or Brice (Bryce?). I’m not sure and IMDb’s info isn’t updated yet so I’m going to call her who we all know her to be. So Novak is on a case: the daughter of a man that Neal stole from (and was caught for stealing from) has been taken and she wants Caffrey to help since they think a guy he used to run with (Wilkes) took her. Neal screwed Wilkes at some point, too, so Neal isn’t terribly happy to see the guy. But the Chief thinks Caffrey can handle himself (sudden trust in their criminal consultant). Neal switches to Team Novak for a bit.

Some investigation leads them to the outside of an underground club and Neal is supposed to go in undercover. Neal points out the lo-jack might give him away and Novak is quick to let him take it off. Back at HQ, Burke sees the alert that Caffrey took off his anklet but Jones assures him Novak cleared the operation. Peter sees right where his is going. Is that passerby on the street Admiral Ackbar? Too bad it wasn’t. He might’s of warned him in time. Instead, Neal gets tazed.

Turns out Novak offered Neal up for ransom and, shocker, Wilkes backed out, keeping Neal and the girl. Burke absorbs what is left of Team Novak as he heads the rescue mission. Meanwhile, Wilkes uses Neal to get the information he needs to intercept a package from a man named Riley, apparently one scary dude (I say apparently because, let’s face it, he’s no Keamy). Neal is going to be Wilkes’s front man (titular alert).

As he retrieves the information Wilkes needs, Neal gets a message to Mozzie, who is playing Parcheesi with June. This is one of the things I love about the show’s moral ground. Crooks like Mozzie, flouting the government not just because he can but with paranoid-driven purpose, enjoys an afternoon of board games and mimosas with the sweet lady boarding his white-collar criminal friend. Despite they’re constant attempts to circumvent legality, their hearts are always in the right place. They honor their elders. They enjoy the simpler things in life. They steal and forge anything for a price. Anyway, Mozzie gets the message, essentially an SOS call that puts Burke on the right track to find Neal.

Novak brings in a proof of life video recently delivered, on which they see a dilapidated building and hear a tugboat horn in the background (I swear that’s an SVU episode) so they know she’s on the waterfront. They leap into action.

As the federal agents move to find the girl, Neal carries out Wilkes’s “round two” (though not necessarily the way he planned it) by using what they call the “zig-zag” plan (and falling victim to a cheesy Pulp Fiction reference). Willie Garson and Matt Bomer are a couple of actors that tend to have chemistry with anyone they share a scene with so seeing these two guys play Riley like this is hilarious. Mozzie is one of my favorite characters on television right now and this scene is one of the reasons why.

Groan.

Sparing you the details (so that you watch the episode), the FBI finds the girl, Neal doesn’t lose the loot, and everyone is saved. The family forgives Neal for his prior trespasses and all is well. Everyone glad hands and gives each other a nice professional ribbing until they realize Neal is gone. And no one ever slipped that anklet back on him. Whoops.

Neal uses the opportunity to convince Alex he’s for real and she falls for it. She gives him the location of the music box (which they have to steal) and, conveniently, it’s in their “own backyard.” How lucky is that? Burke is onto them, though, and puts Neal on the decision: steal the music box and go to jail or forget about it and do some good with his life.

So now we return to my original point. What is “good” in Neal Caffrey’s life? We’re not exactly sure how he got into the fraud-and-forgery game (unless I missed something — did I miss something?) but he is principled (his distaste for guns, his etiquette, his general standards) so we can assume he stands on some moral ground. Under that desire for wealth, there’s a bit of bohemia in him, unless this chase for Kate means something other than rescuing his romantic dream. Our protagonist is a criminal and, while we know stealing the music box is against the law and ethics, we as the audience will probably root for him to do it. Sure, the story will help us out out by making villains of those that hold the thing, or at least making them seem unworthy of it compared to the cause for which Neal needs it. But Neal is not exactly Robin Hood.

He hasn’t made any bones about his urge to steal when around precious objects. He consorts and conspires with fellow criminals. To say he’s “reformed” would be a ridiculous statement. He is the same criminal he was when he was jailed. But he’s also been instrumental in the downfall of several criminals like himself. Never has he felt remorse for bringing down his peers with the people he used to be up against. But do we feel that any of his police work has made him a changed man? Does any of that matter when he’s been plotting to steal something big for most of this side of the season? He is still self-serving, still operating in a world where everything is legal until you get caught. The good that you do is defined by the person not by the system.

So when Burke asks him to do nothing so he can capitalize on the opportunity of doing more good, is Peter’s “good” the same as Neal’s? Of course not. Peter’s ultimatum is less a threat than it is preparation and fair warning for what will transpire. Neal will take the music box. Peter will have no choice but to track him down and arrest him. Because at the end of the day, our hero is a thief.