Monsters of Television

“I’m being secretly undermined by Captain Jerksauce.”

One of these men is not like the others. One of these men just doesn’t belong.

Poor, poor Life Unexpected. Touted as the new family dramedy of the season and then so quickly dethroned by Parenthood. Granted, Parenthood has plenty of time to ruin itself since it’s only two episodes deep. But something tells me Lauren Graham and Peter Krause are going to be just fine.

Meanwhile, Life Unexpected is on the CW bubble despite some good traction in its Monday premieres and Wednesday encores. I suspect, however, its niche will not be in the family way that other show is running with. It’s going to find its own schtick.

Not to say this show hasn’t found a formula. The last few episodes have been formatted in one of two ways: (a) Baze gets upset about something and ends up nearly ruining some radio-show event Cate and Ryan host or (b) Baze tries to fix a situation but ends up lazily seeing it through only for it to end in disaster. This episode has both!

Plot A (where Baze gets upset and storms an event) revolves around Cate and Ryan’s recent break-up. Despite Cate having to be alone in the big house with Ryan and Lux gone in the same episode and her trying to get to a good place with it (we know because she starts to box up all things in the house that probably have something to do with Ryan), the two still have to work together and pretend to be engaged during work hours, especially difficult since they’re supposed to be hosting a bridal expo. Enter the radio-show sponsored event.

Ryan, angry about all things Baze, has been taking it out on him by stepping all over his relationship with Lux. Baze finds out Ryan has been a confidante to his daughter, even offering her a car. This makes pops all upset and he (with Math — this is a Jamie-less episode) decides to pay the unhappy couple a visit. Enter the opportunity to storm an event. Because of Baze’s popularity, he and Math supplant two super fans from being part of a mock Newlywed Game as they and Ryan compete to see who knows Cate best. Wackiness ensues.

A quick note about this game: Jamie and Baze make fun of Math all the time for being obsessed with Cate in high school. Though Math obviously wouldn’t kick Cate out of bed, he’s never seemed preoccupied with or like he was holding a torch for the girl. Okay, maybe a little a torch but nothing that justifies his weird performance on stage. He hasn’t had a lot of screen time and they tried to sell his obsession hard this episode (Baze finds ways to mention it several times) which justifies why they would allow him participate in the contest. But, if he really is obsessed with Cate, he would listen to her radio show all the time and, I imagine, since he’s generally portrayed as the voice of reason in the House that Bro Built, his vision of the woman would be reshaped and not be frozen to what he knew about her in high school. It reminded me of Morgan trying to give Awesome tips on Ellie in the Chuck episode “Chuck vs The Seduction,” where Morgan says her favorite song is by Richard Marx, her favorite movie is Sister Act 2, and her favorite dessert is a Klondike bar. Math doesn’t seem like the Morgan type.

Plot B (where Baze tries to do some good without thinking it through) revolves around Lux and her sadness over Bug leaving town (voluntarily) and Tash being moved (involuntarily). Baze has been letting her stay home from school, to which Math (because he’s the voice of reason) tells him that this will be two days she’s missed in a row and that he has to push her. Good, at least we know that Lux is sometimes going to school. After last week, I figured her to have quit school to solve every orphan’s problems by finding their biological parents. Jones stops by to drop off some homework (and to have an excuse to see Lux) when Baze gets the bright idea to give Jones incentive to ask Lux out. Baze: not well-versed on sit-com tropes or this overplayed plot.

But you know who is well-versed on tropes and overplayed plots? Lux. Because all she does this episode is point out how things are supposed to operate in certain situations based on genre convention. When Jones asks her out, she talks about how droll it is for the star quarterback to ask out the unpopular girl from the other side of the tracks (although, if she’d remembered why that usually happens she’d probably have figured out Baze’s play earlier). When they’re in the car together and she finds out they like the same music, she points out what that, in a romantic comedy, it would signify that they’re a match made in Aryan-poster-child heaven. Later, at the end of her date with Jones, she says “it might sound corny” before complimenting the date (it does sound corny) but then relates how using the word “corny” is corny (it is). That’s about when Jones turns on the idiot and tells her about how Baze offered to have his car fixed in exchange for getting Lux out of the house. Doofus. The flip-side, though, is that Jones really didn’t need an incentive to ask her out, just an opportunity. Baze really didn’t have to meddle at all. Oh, the misunderstandings!

Speaking of misunderstandings, we get another argument backstage between Ryan, Cate, and Baze (when Math finds out Cate and Baze recently made whoopie, he bails). Ryan and Cate seemed like they were on the road to recovery but, with the game-raised emotions, the build-up to eventual reunification is dashed since Ryan still can’t deal with Cate sleeping with Baze. But, in a good turnaround, he’s decides to blame Cate not Baze for the situation, which leads to something I kind of like: Baze and Ryan putting aside their jackassery and being civil human beings. Ryan stops by later to apologize for stepping all over Baze’s relationship with Lux and they have a beer together. Baze mentions how mad Lux is about him setting up the date and asks if Ryan would go talk to her. I’d like to see a future episode where Baze and Ryan become good buddies, much to the chagrin of Cate. Mostly, I’d just like to see Kerr Smith as something other than a sap.

To help Baze out, Ryan goes up to talk to Lux. And, from this interaction, I think Ryan has the best relationship with Lux out of all the adults. If it came down to it, and Lux had to choose between living with Cate again or staying with Baze, I think she would go with secret option C: chill at Ryan’s bachelor pad. They have a good talk about break-ups and the difficulty in life and everything is better by the end.

Except that Cate, at home, gets a delivery of a free wedding dress and sobs and sobs and sobs.

Some quick notes about the episode:

• I love that Ryan used the term “give-ups.” This is the only thing John Madden ever gave me in all his years of commenting on the obvious. He described Bill Belichick, who generally wears Patriots-themed sweats on the sidelines, as wearing his give-ups to games. A great term that I use often.
• I know it was Baze’s suggestion to make Jones and Lux’s first date a visit to see Tash but, dude, I’m pretty sure that’s what landed you in the friend zone. Take her to a movie or a romantic dinner.
• While wandering through the bridal expo, Alice (Cate’s producer) says to her, “I know you’re about to go postal …” It bothers me when people use this term incorrectly. “Going postal” isn’t just about “going insane.” It’s about going murderously insane at the workplace. Technically, one could argue that Cate is at work but it walks a very thin line and I don’t like it.
• I know the writers probably fed Lux the lines about calling out the conventions in order to make them less cliché. It didn’t work.
• “Don’t hate on milkshakes.” I’m with you there, Jones. Don’t let people disparage that tasty goodness.