Monsters of Television

“Those two gab like little school girls when they’re out in the field. It’s murder on the ears.”

The face of doom.

What are you guys crying about?

I don’t typically delve into the dens of inequity that are the message boards and comment streams but I keep hearing about this episode being controversial, a game-changer, even ruinous of the series. Surely, these reactionists aren’t responding to the ending of this episode. They are, aren’t they? Wow. Really? Because Chuck has slept or necked with two other girls that aren’t Sarah during the course of the show, one of whom was the stated love of his life. Where were you when Bryce came back? When Cole was tempting Sarah? Careful, sweethearts. You whine like this enough and you’ll sound like — well, Chuck.

For those unaware, the ending of “Chuck vs The Mask” seemed to provide fodder for those heavily-invested in the Chuck/Sarah relationship to riot in the virtual streets at how the show is being taken irreparably off-course. TV-bloggers have spoken to the subject all day, educating me on the fanbase and the word “shippers” (a section of fandom I had not previously known). And, to be honest, I’m not exactly sure what fueled their fire.

Perhaps we should start from the beginning.

A brown-eyed dude in black clothes and ski mask straps himself up and looks down a hole at a golden mask (really early titular alert!) on a pedestal. He zips down Mission: Impossible-style and, just when he’s about to grab the mask, the support beam from which he is descended loses a screw that bounces on the floor, setting off the security system. Guy in the Ski Mask tries to zoom back up but it closes before he get get all the to the hole and the air is being sucked out of the room (is Matt Bomer spilling story secrets from his new show to his old show?). The would-be thief takes off his mask and reveals it’s Shaw. Shaw? Wait. Shaw has brown eyes? But Supes has blue eyes. How can this BE?! He asks Casey through his watch for help from The Intersect. Because, apparently, Casey is chopped liver.

Meanwhile, at the Buy More, the flirty relationship continues between Hannah and Chuck (Hannah asking Chuck to teach her might as well have come with wetting her lips and a hair twirl). Has Morgan told Chuck about his infatuation with Hannah? I’m pretty sure he drove it home last week with the whole Chuck/Sarah comparison (“Vicky Vale”) but maybe I’m wrong. Anyway, Hannah insists on riding along for the next install and Chuck concedes. Moments later, Sarah shows up in a tizzy about saving Shaw’s life. Hannah (out of earshot) asks Morgan who’s that lady. Morgan responds with the description previously held by Jill: the cold-blooded temptress who stomped on Chuck’s heart, the same siren that Chuck just can’t shake. Chuck comes back to the Nerd Herd desk, grabs a ready-made pack of tools and runs out for an “emergency.” Hannah runs after him. Morgan isn’t exactly sure why he didn’t know about an on-site. Because Morgan is becoming smarter with his new vest.

It apparently takes quite a while to suck the air out of a vault because Chuck arrives from across LA with five minutes to spare. Sarah and Casey are at the hole, trying to get the door open. Casey wants to blow the hatch with C4 (my boy) but Sarah reminds him that that would probably kill Shaw. It’s up to Chuck. And Hannah. Because she just bounded into the room with the security system terminal, surprising both Chuck and the Overacting Museum Curator. Chuck puts her to good use and they dance together, nerd-style, by synching their reboots. Crisis averted, Shaw is saved, Casey begrudgingly removes his bomb, and Chuck and Hannah hug it out. The Overacting Curator decides they did such a great job that he hires them to watch the security system for the unveiling. Shaw insists they take the job. They do. And that’s all before the credits.

Man, I really hoped they’d get rid of that cheesy fly-through-the-vent Castle intro shot with this season. No such luck. Anyhow, Shaw brings Sarah some coffee, just how she likes it and even provides a stirrer, claiming he knows she chews on them when she’s nervous. Sarah is not impressed and tosses the stirrer in the trash as a gesture of unimpression. Casey and Chuck come in as Shaw explains the mission: the Mask of Alexander is being used to smuggle something for The Ring. They’re going to use the unveiling to take the mask and replace it with a replica. Shaw nominates himself to be Sarah’s date. Pouring it on a little thick there, Supes. And only a couple episodes after discussing the Cardinal Rule of Espionage: never fall in love, especially with another spy (“Chuck vs First Class”). Sarah is concerned about bringing a civilian on the mission (namely Hannah) and Chuck is there to say Hannah can help out. Some might say that looks like the world’s topsy-turvy because usually it’s Chuck that’s insistent upon protecting the innocent. Except when he brought Jill on the mission with him. And when Lou was his in with her ex-boyfriend. So, really, Hannah is just the next evolution of bringing the girl he wants to neck with on a mission. Sarah’s opposition, however, can be taken either as jealousy or natural urge to not bring a civilian into danger. That’s up to you to decide.

Elsewhere, we have a secret knock. Morgan shows up at Ellie’s so they can discuss what’s going on with Chuck. First, he dispels my hopes that Jeff and Lester were going to provide a Chuck dossier (lame). Then they go over all the details of Chuck’s life that they probably should’ve noticed earlier: weird absences, anxiety, etc. Morgan thinks it can only mean one thing: he’s heartbroken. Apparently, they only started noticing these trends when Sarah wasn’t around for Chuck to blame so Morgan assumes he’s off somewhere playing video games. Terribly off. Ellie is a doctor and Morgan is not slow. How do these people not connect the dots, especially since he’s gone a lot and all of Chuck’s video games are in the house Morgan lives in? Has Chuck really pulled the wool over their eyes so much? So now, Ellie and Morgan put together an operation in order to save Chuck from himself.

The Nerd Herders (Chuck and Hannah) and the Actual Spies (Shaw and Sarah) prepare for their mission. Shaw wants to create a backstory, bringing up number of dates and whether they slept together. Sarah is completely uninterested in playing his reindeer games.

Surprised by burning passion or completely creeped out? You decide.

Casey is in the car way more often than Chuck ever was during the first two seasons. Seems like a waste for a guy like that to atrophy on surveillance duty. But Shaw wants to get some so there Casey is, watching the whole thing on video. Shaw and Sarah are in place on the floor as are Chuck and Hannah at the security system terminals. Shaw tries to get handsy and Sarah is completely uninterested. Shaw tries to communicate to her all the exits while kissing her neck and, on first watch, she looked almost victimized. On second viewing, though, she looks surprised and flushed. Easily confused. In any case, she’s trying her best to stay away while maintaining the cover. Professionalism and all.

In the control room, Hannah asks Chuck if he can keep a secret. “It’s my forte,” he replies (apparently the Intersect doesn’t contain the correct pronunciation of the English word forte). Although, what she tells him is not really a secret. She came to LA to be with him. Some would say, “Ah-ha! See! She’s not a spy! She just fell hard for a stranger on a transatlantic flight and based her decision on where to settle down in respect to this funny little man!” I would say the jury’s still out. Anyway, it’s nice to see Lana Lang finally make a move. They kiss and Chuck gets pretty into it, apparently all that stuff he said during “Chuck vs The Three Words” flying out the window in the past few episodes. Hannah opens her eyes while they kiss (see, she is a spy!) and sees Sarah on one of the video monitors. Uh-oh. Hannah questions him about why Sarah is here and with a hunky guy. Chuck makes a deprecating Superman reference, flashes on someone else on another monitor (the Ring operative), and then runs out the door, leaving Hannah all by herself.

Hannah watches Chuck approach Shaw and Sarah but does not have the benefit of sound like we have. Chuck spills on who the operative is and Shaw suddenly recuses himself since he burned the dude’s face off at one point and thinks the guy might remember him. So Shaw scurries away so that Chuck and Sarah, together again, can finish out the mish. All Hannah sees, though, is Chuck and Sarah leaving together, big smiles on their faces.

Chuck uses a remote control to disable the security system and Hannah frantically tries to fix it. Overacting Museum Curator wants to know where her partner is and she doesn’t know. Chuck and Sarah are above the vault, she changing into spyin’ clothes (skintight black onesie), he sliding into a harness. Chuck starts in on her looking cozy with Shaw and she insists it’s just a cover. Just when Shaw thinks he might glean some information on where he stands with Sarah, Casey cuts their mike feeds. I like Casey’s position this season of accepting Chuck and Sarah’s attraction for each other while praying he never has to hear about it. Chuck and Sarah, meanwhile, hash it out about Hannah and Shaw coming on strong for the other person. Obvious jealousy. But they put it aside for the sake of the mission.

I don’t remember buying tickets to the gun show, but I’ll stick around and watch.

Chuck lowers Sarah into the vault to make the switch right when Man without a Face sends his henchmen up to the exact same spot Chuck is. Henchman #1 shoves Chuck into the hole but, since he and she are connected to each other via a pulley system, he goes down and she comes up, she kicking the Henchman in the face while he dangles like bait. She knocks out one dude, hooks Chuck to the unconscious body while dealing with Henchman #2. Meanwhile, Hannah almost has the security system under control, bad news for a Chuck dangling like a failed cat burglar. Casey overrides the system again. Hannah pulls it back up. Back and forth. Finally Sarah does away with the Henchman and tosses the fake mask down to Chuck. He makes the switch and she pulls him up just as the doors open. Mission accomplished. Sort of. Hannah is not pleased with his absence, for several reasons, not the least of which being that they kissed and then he ran off to be with his ex-girlfriend. Hannah insists that they keep it professional from now on. Chuck is disheartened.

The next morning, at Da Chuck e Morgan, Ellie messes up the secret knock before barging in. Morgan (whispering): “Dude, that’s like six knocks short.” Ellie (whispering, desperate): “I don’t know the knock.” Of all the relationships they’re trying to expound upon in this episode, I think this is my favorite. We know that Ellie is generally disgusted with Morgan but these are two people that have known each other for two decades. It’s nice to see their rapport when it’s just them. They have a clandestine meeting while Chuck sleeps. Morgan knows about Chuck ditching Hannah and has a plan: it’s time for an intervention.

Meanwhile, at the museum, Man Without a Face (but with a vague Eastern European accent) has Overacting Museum Curator handcuffed and taped to a chair while he reviews security footage. He sees Chuck kissing Hannah and racing down the halls with Sarah and deduces Chuck is the mastermind behind the mask thievery. He hatches a diabolical plan. You don’t know what it is yet but you can see it in his eyes. Totally diabolical. Although maybe it’s colloidal silver. No, it’s definitely a diabolical plan.

At the Buy More, Morgan tries to milk Hannah for information as suavely as possible. It’s just about to work when the phone rings. It’s Man Without a Face posing as a representative for the museum. He claims they’re still having problems with the computer system and wants someone down there soon. Hannah goes. Morgan is left babbling like a lovesick goon as she walks away.

Meanwhile, in Castle, Shaw brings Sarah another coffee. Sarah goes off on how they are never going to be an item. Shaw counters by saying he buys coffee for everyone just as Casey thanks Shaw for his coffee (“black and bitter”). Now, Sarah. You look all embarrassed but you’re a spy. You have to see through that. That’s a move I would pull and I have all the social grace of — well, Chuck. For shame, Walker.

At the museum, Hannah’s about to fall into a trap. She meets Man Without a Face in front of the open vault and he asks her to look at the system inside. She goes with that. Then he asks her if she has her phone. Odd question. You don’t have to be smooth to be a villain. As luck would have it, she left it in the car. And off she goes. The vault closes, the security system is tripped, and there’s a countdown to how much oxygen she has left. Oh, Lana. It’s not like Clark Kent can save you here. If only you had your phone!

Chuck gets the call from Man Without a Face to come down with the mask to save the girl. Just as Morgan decides it’s time for the intervention, Chuck takes off. Morgan chases him down but just barely misses him going through the trap door in the home theatre room. All the best intentions.

Supes and Sarah inspect the mask for hidden compartments and, just as Chuck is about to reach the main area, a bomb slides out of the base and sprays poisonous gas. The command center seals off before Chuck can get inside. Castle determines the poisonous agent, Chuck flashes on the read-out and determines he needs to get the counter agent from Man Without a Face. By the way, this whole time, Hannah’s been losing oxygen. They need to get some better pumps on that vault.

Just like at the frat parties.

Chuck and Casey head out for the museum. Chuck hatches a plan based around a magical second mask replica they happened to have and some smoke grenades (to fool Man Without a Face). In Castle, Supes and Sarah have a heart to heart: Shaw has definitely been hitting on her and Sarah has not been hating it. Could’ve fooled me but whatever. Here’s the thing about Sarah Walker: she hasn’t been laid in three years. Not from the information we have anyway. Sure she’s kissed a few guys and even gotten real close to a hotel room romp but, with the emotional roller coaster she’s been on throughout the series, her hormones have to be jumping like crazy in that stoic exterior. Chuck’s been with a few girls during this time, even knocking boots with a rogue spy. Heck, even Morgan’s had more sex than Sarah. Finally, someone smooth, approachable, not about to fly off on another mission AND isn’t the person she’s sworn to protect is hitting on her. A girl’s got needs. And it makes sense that Supes is ready to pick up the slack. Maybe not when they’re dying of a chemical agent. But it’s not inconceivable for her to have the feelings for this fella. But she’s fading fast from the poison. The contamination has been contained and Shaw finds time to play hero. He picks her up, breaks them out of containment prison, and heads for the museum.

Meanwhile, Chuck puts his plan in motion. Man Without a Face doesn’t seem to be forthcoming with releasing Hannah. Casey is above the vault, ready to blow the hatch with C4 again. Chuck plays his trump by threatening to bust open the mask. Man Without a Face calls his bluff. Chuck busts the mask, the smoke grenade exploding and sending the Ring operatives into a panic. The counter agent is in one of the urns at the museum and, apparently, they’re in the middle of a Vases of Antiquity exhibit. Man Without a Face starts busting all the vases looking for it. “One of these things is not like the others,” Chuck assures himself as he hopes to flash on the one of the urns. He finally does, knocks out Man Without a Face with the vase in question, and get the counter agent. Just when Casey is about to finally blow something up, Chuck says no and to meet him up in the control room. It seems like it would be simpler just to blow the hatch but whatever. Chuck works on overriding the system while Casey runs to make it to Shaw and Sarah in time.

The cheese is almost unbearable.

Happily, Shaw and Sarah show up right when Casey hits the floor. He dumps the counter agent on them and then runs away to release the curator (I suppose he assumes Chuck wouldn’t do it himself?). They collapse on each other, essentially snuggling while recovering from the poison. Chuck sees but doesn’t meditate too much on it as the vault opens. He rushes over to Hannah’s side. Hannah thanks Chuck for saving her life and forgives him for his past weirdo transgressions. And then the cheesiest shot of the season: the two pairs in each others’ arms despite the fact that, as pointed out on ChuckYouTuesday, Hannah can’t see Shaw and Sarah there or else it would raise suspicions they certainly couldn’t explain away. It’s just so cornball it hurts. Worse yet, no one chases down Man Without a Face. Not even Casey? Really? Seems sloppy.

The team reconvenes in Castle to glad-hand, Chuck getting most of the accolades. Shaw drops the bomb that Chuck will eventually be getting his own missions, that the other members of Team Bartowski are just the training wheels and, eventually, he’s going to have to ride the big boy bike. Chuck is not entirely pleased.

Does this look like the face of a woman that’s done?

And now, the moment we’ve been hearing about all day. Sarah follows Chuck into a secluded hallway at Castle so they can have one of their special moments. Typically, this would occur near the fountain outside of Chuck’s apartment. Instead of that usually warm and romantically-lit environment, we have the cold, sterile workspace of Castle. Fitting for the spin on the conversation they are about to have. A talk about Chuck eventually not needing a team anymore quickly transforms into a conversation about their romantic interests in other people. They compliment each other’s choice in other person, about how perfectly matched they are. Sarah gets one last shot in there about how much of a hero Chuck is as a person and then he walks away. If you read that as a final farewell to the relationship, you are out of your mind. (1) The writers are not going to build this Chuck and Sarah thing for three years just to let it fold anticlimactically. (2) The conversation isn’t literal; they’re feeling each other out, revealing inadequacies and vulnerabilities. Sarah is just as hurt by Chuck’s dedication to a soul-killing craft (that he rejected her for) as Chuck has always felt inadequate in a romantic partnership with her. At the end of the talk, neither is willing to fight hard because they both want the other to be happy. This isn’t the end of their relationship. It’s a hiccup. An obstacle. That’s how these things go. If you really feel Chuck and Sarah belong together, then by now you have to know that Chuck as a series believes the course of true love never did run smooth. I suppose before the only things stopping them was this code of ethics they occasionally shirked or Chuck’s rare flings. It’s a little more complicated now. That’s a good thing. You don’t want uninspired Felicity-type storylines. Ben or Noel, Ben or Noel. Make it deeper. Moving on.

Ellie learns the knock and Morgan lets her into the Buy More. They know Chuck is somewhere at the store and they’re planning their intervention. But what they discover is that Chuck is using the home theatre room as a make out spot with Hannah. Ellie is super excited that Chuck is moving on. Morgan, however, is crushed. Horribly, miserably, crushed. Do you think Chuck stays up at night thinking of new ways to screw over Morgan? He’s really the worst best friend ever. This is the storyline that should be the cliffhanger, not the Chuck and Sarah thing people seemed to focus on. Morgan has been betrayed one too many times it seems and it looks like the little bearded man might finally come to terms with the fact that Chuck is only looking out for number 1.

Holy crap. I can’t believe Chuck just screwed me. Again. What is with this guy?

Meanwhile, in Castle, Shaw gives Sarah a massage. Really? Chuck and Hannah are breaking a sweat up at the Buy More and Sarah is getting a neck rub? Sarah brings up how dangerous it is, seeing as how they are flirting with violating the Cardinal Rule of Espionage. “I’m the safest guy in the world,” Supes replies. That’s a weird thing to say. Does that line work on girls that aren’t in the middle of a deep dry spell?

There’s more. Man Without a Face stands in the room, telling the people of Ork (aka, the Council of Ring) that Shaw is among the spies out to get them. Council of Ring thanks him for his service then blows his neck out all over the floor. Family show.

And that’s it. Nothing for people to boycott the show over. Nothing to cry about. Stop complaining, watch the Olympics, come back in three weeks to see what happens next. Not watching is going to do nothing but cancel the show you love. Get over it. Trust the writers. And for God’s sakes, stop whining on message boards.

For more information about dust-up involving this episode of Chuck, check out the following links:

• What’s Alan Watching: Chuck, “Chuck vs. The Mask”: Night at the Museum [see comments]
• NPR: The Double-Edged Sword Of Devotion: ‘Chuck’ Vs. The Entitled Fan Base
• The Watcher: My take on the ‘Chuck’ controversy as some fans of the spy guy flip out
• Cultural Learnings: Irrational Actors: 3 Reasons I Have Little Respect for Angry Horde of Chuck Shippers
• ChuckYouTuesday: Episode 20
• TVByTheNumbers: Chuck