Monsters of Television

So here we are. Chuck in a white room. Dead Bryce. New faction of ruthless killers. And suddenly, Chuck is able to smack the religion out of everyone in the room*. Even ends with the line to amp up expectations: “I know kung-fu.”

And that’s not all Season 2 left us on. Morgan cowboyed-up and took his lady with him to chase his dream (of being a Benihana chef), the Buy More is under new management, neither Chuck nor Morgan nor Casey actually work for the place anymore, Ellie and Awesome were married, Chuck and Sarah’s star-cross’d relationship seemed to be less star-cross’d. Come to think of it, the only thing that hadn’t changed at the end of Season 2 is Jeffster. What magic would we see? What wonders did Chuck have in store for us?

I just don’t get it. Belt is on the cable, seems strong enough to hold me, I could just leap off — just flash! Flash!

We start off kind of cool. Six months later, Chuck’s (seemingly) on his own mission against some dangerous-looking fellows. He has the option to shoot them but doesn’t (good commitment to the character, writers) and instead pistol whips everyone in the room. General Beckman is giving him orders directly into his earpiece. He escapes with the Anonymous Object of Importance (the “case”), heads to the roof, and can escape if only he could flash on the zip-line. But wait — he needs to flash to figure out how to use a zip-line? He already has the belt out, across the cable connecting the buildings. What more do you need to do? Apparently, stress suppresses Intersect 2.0. General Beckman comes out and shuts what turns out to be a fake scenario since Chuck wusses out of sliding down. And, subsequently, because he’s a whiner, hands him the titular Pink Slip.

Not exactly living up to the bill of The One. What’s worse is what he gave up to just get fired (in Prague no less): Sarah offered to run away with him in exchange for him not becoming a company man. And he TURNED IT DOWN. In dramatic fashion. Now: I know Chuck might suddenly have a new found sense of purpose with the new Intersect giving him instant skill mastery but I was just about sure that Sarah offering him everything he ever wanted (a normal life with the girl he’s wanted for years) would be enough for him to say goodbye to the stay-in-the-car business. But, apparently, the illustrious life of a spy, antithetical to Chuck’s nature (a relationship that’s kind of the premise of the show) is appealing to him. And makes the girl of his dreams angry enough to destroy an iPhone every time he calls. Okay. We’ll roll with that for now.

I was probably going to switch to Android anyway.

Chuck’s dismissal leads to a life of sloth and cheese puffs, where he grows a hockey beard and lives in his robe. Not even Morgan in full Benihana regala (including utility belt) can stir him from his depression. But the knowledge that Sarah is around can. And thus begins the Whining that Does Not Stop. Chuck has always been a whiner. “Oh, my family’s in trouble!” “Morgan’s in the trunk!” “My ex-girlfriend who is also a spy out to destroy me and is trapped in our secret lair wants out of her binds!” Wah wah wah. But the pleading for his job back from Casey and the pleading with Sarah to trust him again and the pleading with everyone around him. No wonder Intersect 2.0 is suppressed by his emotions; he amped up his game to a professional level. So with that, what he did to Sarah, and Casey repeatedly calling him a “lemon” (ha!), you start to really not like Chuck so much. Which is a wonderful thing.

The first half hour is gloriously painful as he has to win everyone back to his side in order for him to gain purpose again. It’s good to see Chuck have some drama and, yes, he’s a whiner but at least he’s whining about something else. And Chuck’s relationship with Sarah is painfully awkward. Instead of putting them together, they’ve been ripped apart because of the same stupid idealism that attracted her to him in the first place. It takes an impromptu mission to convince everyone he (sort of) has what it takes to be a (somewhat clumsy and inconsistent) spy. General Beckman puts the old team back together with new conflict and a brand new enemy. Well, new-named enemy. Hooray!

But the events of the second half-hour outside of Chuck’s mission to become an asset again drives the story to exactly where it was before. Morgan got fired, lost Anna, and is living at the Buy More. Everyone gets their old covers back (Sarah at the Orange Orange, Chuck and Casey at the Buy More). Heck, even Big Mike is back in charge (due to one of the most gloriously-soundtracked exits in all of television). It’s almost like we’re in the same place we were just before Chuck found Orion. And where the heck IS Orion? Scott Bakula must have been too busy rocking some sleeveless shirts** to indulge his sci-fi base.

So here we are. Stakes are about the same. Intersect is a little different. Everyone is a little older. Same nutty hijinks. Sarah and Chuck are trying to suppress their feelings (again — except now Sarah is angry). Maybe a lot of it is the same. But I’m kind of fine with that. There are some new directions we can go and it doesn’t have to be boring. Besides, how can you not watch a show that ends like this:

Watch the episode: Chuck vs The Pink Slip [Hulu]

* Did anyone count? Were there at least nine guys so he could tie up Cole Barker?

** Not to say anything bad about Men of a Certain Age. “Leg cramp!”